


A Little Bit of Light

by practically_paige



Category: We Are The Tigers - Allen
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, F/M, Gen, Multi, canon supported complete overuse of emojis, clark and farrah should get to be friends because i said so, im god of this land and i say they get to be happy god damn it, im going to make kate and annleigh friends if it kills me, im not sure what’s up with them, instead of having a breakdown riley just goes to yoga and deals with her shit or whatever, it might kill me, new level unlocked: codependency (Riley and Cairo version), no one dies because i said so, okay theyre still dealing with some problems from the last year obviously but like, poor mattie is just so confused and thrown onto this team, the first chapter is already so gay and its probably just gonna get gayer, u cant look at a woman the way chess does kate and not be in love with her, ur allowed to read their past interactions as annleigh having a crush on kate because, who wouldnt lets be real
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:27:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 66,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28163178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/practically_paige/pseuds/practically_paige
Summary: (Previously titled "i just wanted a tigers group chat fic (and the watt canon died)".)Cairo convinces Riley that the sleepover may not be the best way to win the group's approval as the new captain, so she creates a group chat instead. It, and the school year, go about exactly as well as you'd expect it to. That is to say, absolutely not well at all.Welcome to hell!--(Alternate Universe: Everyone Lives / No One Dies - The events in canon that take place before the sleepover like the fall are still here, so there will probably be some angst at times, but it's mainly fun! Also, Riley doesn't want to kill anyone because I love her and I said so. Checkateva is my end game goal but there's definitely hints of other things.)Combination of group chat shenanigans and actual writing / content!
Relationships: Annleigh/Clark (We Are The Tigers), Cairo & Riley (We Are The Tigers), Cairo/Riley (We Are The Tigers), Chess/Kate (We Are The Tigers), Chess/Kate/Eva Sanchez (We Are The Tigers), Kate/Eva Sanchez (We Are The Tigers)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 75





	1. 001. Welcome to Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the fic! Thank you for reading! This is probably not the most creative story or GC fic to ever exist, but I enjoyed writing the first part and I hope you'll enjoy it too! Thanks for reading!
> 
> USERNAME REFERENCE -  
> Riley: rarariley  
> Cairo: prom_princess  
> Kate: kate  
> Chess: checkmate  
> Farrah: satan 4:20  
> Annleigh: romans 8:28  
> Reese: senior-spirit 
> 
> TW: Riley's written POV part has a brief mention of her being in a somewhat panicked state. It's not described in detail, and it's not a full blown panic attack, but please stay safe, everyone! Anyone who wants to is free to simply skip to the next text message part without missing anything important!

**Direct Message:** **riley🎀✨ @ ♡ Cai ♡**

_ 3:13 A.M. on Thursday, August 21st. _

**riley🎀✨:** So, I was thinking! What if we made a group chat for the squad? 🐯🐯 Do you think they’d like it?? Or like, do you think they’d at least use it? 

**♡ Cai ♡:** riley.

**♡ Cai ♡:** it is 3 in the goddamn morning 

**♡ Cai ♡:** what the fuck?

**riley🎀✨:** Oh… is it? 

**riley🎀✨:** … whoops! 

**riley🎀✨:** Good morning, Cairo! ☀️

**♡ Cai ♡:** ………… 

**riley🎀✨** So, back to the group chat. 📣 Do you think they’d like it? I was trying to figure out the best way to bond as a team throughout the year! I think it would be fun, but I wanted to get your opinion, too! 

**riley🎀✨:** So, what do you think? ^^

**♡ Cai ♡:** i think im going to kill u 

**♡ Cai ♡:** did u really wake me up for this? 

**riley🎀✨:** You answered back right away, so you clearly weren’t sleeping, Cai… 

**riley🎀✨:** You should really try to get a better sleeping schedule… I worry about you, you know? 

**♡ Cai ♡:** … 

**♡ Cai ♡:** u are unbelievable 

**♡ Cai ♡:** i s2g riley u test me to the ends of the earth 

**riley🎀✨:** Oh… :((

**♡ Cai ♡:** ugh. fine. look. 

**♡ Cai ♡:** its not the worst idea ever 

**♡ Cai ♡:** i mean anything is better than a sleepover 

**riley🎀✨:** :((((( 

**riley🎀✨:** I still wish I could have hosted that… everyone would have had fun. 

**♡ Cai ♡:** they would not have

**♡ Cai ♡:** it was a murder scene waiting to happen 

**♡ Cai ♡:** trust me everyone is much happier waiting to bond or whatever until school starts tomorrow 

**♡ Cai ♡:** … 

**♡ Cai ♡:** god school starts tomorrow 

**riley🎀✨:** It does. This is why you should be sleeping, Cai! It’s our last first day of high school… You need your rest! 💤 💤 💤

**♡ Cai ♡:** i— 

**♡ Cai ♡:** goodnight riley. 

**♡ Cai ♡:** just try to go to sleep ok? 

**riley🎀✨:** Goodnight, Cai!!! Sleep well!! 😃

_ ♡ Cai ♡ has gone offline.  _

_ riley🎀✨ has gone offline.  _

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

Despite putting her phone down for the night, the redhead couldn’t sleep.

Her fingers itched to pick it back up and to keep texting Cairo, but it wouldn’t have been fair to keep her friend up just because Riley was nervous. It wasn’t as if it was exactly an uncommon occurrence. She and Cai had been friends for years now, but it was still hard for her not to consider herself a bother to the other girl. To everyone, really… 

Riley turned over, wrapping her blankets more tightly around her. She thought about putting on something to listen to, just to keep her thoughts away. As usual, her parents were ‘out of town’ for the week (or month or year or however long it took them to get over the stress of having to pretend to be a family), so it wasn’t as if it would disturb anyone. 

Curled around her phone screen, the redhead tapped it to pull it out of sleep mode. The familiar background, Cairo and her posing after their first game together back in sophomore year, made her freeze. Tomorrow was their last first day of school… 

Riley wasn’t ready to say goodbye to high school. Maybe that was stupid, and she knew it. It was just… graduation meant that a certain someone might leave. 

Alright, maybe she just wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Cairo. 

Realistically, she knew that it wouldn’t be like that. Over the years, her friend had been the only thing constant. It wasn’t like Cai, as uninterested as she pretended to come across, to abandon anyone. Certainly not Riley. Still, knowing this and not panicking over the hypotheticals were too different things. The redhead curled herself even tighter into a ball, swiping the tears away before they threatened to fall. 

Stupid thing to cry about, really. Cairo had just been talking to her. Cairo wasn’t going to leave her. 

_ But what if she did? _

The thoughts came unwelcomed, and the girl shook as she tried to get a grip. She needed to calm down. Riley had never been good at that, though, despite all her years of practice. It didn’t help that the house was so empty. She was used to that, too, but it never made her feel any less alone when the anxiety got too much. Holding herself tighter, she tried to count. 

If she called now, Cairo would still be up. Really, if she called at all, her friend would answer. That was just who Cai was. It didn’t make it fair, though. It wasn’t fair of Riley to always use her like a crutch, even if the other girl had told her time and time again that she didn’t care. 

_ She isn’t going to leave you. No one’s going to leave you. You still have one more year…  _

After a long time spent getting her breathing under control, the redhead finally fell into a fitful sleep. 

_ Tomorrow is a new day, Riley. A better day. _

_ … I hope. _

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**Group Message:** **🐯 Go Tigers! GCHS Cheer Group Chat!! 🐯**

_ 12:23 P.M. on Thursday, August 21. _

_ Riley is now online. _

_ Riley Williams has added Cairo, Kate, Annleigh, and three others to the chat. _

**Riley:** Welcome everyone! ✨✨ I’m so excited to have everyone together and to be sharing the first day of school with all of you. As I’m sure everyone knows, I’m Riley, and I’m super excited to be your Giles Corey cheer captain for this year! Go Tigers!!  **🐯**

_ Kate has left the chat.  _

**Farrah:** that was fast

**Cairo:** well this is going great 

_ Riley has added Kate to the chat. _

**Riley:** Okay, first rule: please don’t leave the group chat! 😐 We need everyone here to be able to do announcements and make sure everyone bonds as a team! 

**Farrah:** lmfaooo this is already hell. love that for us 

**Kate:** i don’t want to be in this chat. 

**Riley:** Well, I’m sorry you don’t like it! However, it’s important that we all stay here, so we can make sure that everyone receives important information! 📣 🏆

**Kate:** important information like what? 

**Chess:** Kate… be nice. 

**Cairo:** yeah kate listen to ur gf 

**Kate:** she’s not my girlfriend. . 

**Kate:** just get on with the information already. 

**Reese:** !! Hi everyone !! 

**Riley:** Hi Reese! 

**Cairo:** whys reeses even here? 

**Riley:** Cairo. 

**Cairo:** … 

**Kate:** yeah, cairo. listen to your girlfriend. 

**Cairo:** die. 

**Riley:** Cairo and I aren’t— I mean, we haven’t— I mean, that’s not important right now! 😶 Please make sure this chat stays a nice and positive environment for every member of the team! 

**Farrah:** wow that was definitely not a no… 

_ Annleigh is now online. _

**Annleigh:** Who’s dating? 

**Annleigh:** Oh! A squad group chat! This could be fun :-) 

**Cairo:** kiss ass

**Farrah:** why did you give the emoji a nose? who does that? 

**Annleigh:** That’s how God made him! ✝️

**Kate:** can i leave now? 

**Chess:** Kate, please...

**Reese:** I think the emoji looks nice !! 

**Annleigh:** Thank you, Reeses :^)

**Farrah:** hell is real and its this fuckign group chat 

**Annleigh:** Farrah! Language. 

**Riley:** Okayyy… great! Everyone’s getting along! I’m going to go ahead and add our newest member to the chat now. Make sure to be super welcoming, please! 

_ Riley has added Mattie to the chat.  _

**Riley:** Everyone, this is Mattie Wheeler! Mattie’s a freshman, and her squad came second last year, so we’re very excited to have her as a Tiger.  **🐯🐯** Please give her a warm welcome! 

**Mattie:** Um, hi everyone!

**Farrah:** welcome to hell

**Riley:** Farrah, please don’t scare her! Mattie, don’t worry. She was just joking! 

**Chess:** Hi Mattie!

**Annleigh:** Hi Mattie! 

**Reese:** Hi Mattie!! 

**Farrah:** it’s like a broken record in here

**Cairo:** sup freshman

**Farrah:** finally, some variety 

**Riley:** Okay,  _ great _ !! Well, the first order of business is that I thought it might be fun to personalize our nicknames here! That way, everyone has a chance to express themselves and have a little fun, too! ^^ 

_ Riley has changed their username to ‘ **rarariley** ’.  _

**rarariley:** See! Fun, right? 😊😊

**Kate:** have you never had fun or something? 

_ Farrah has changed their username to ‘ **cairoandrileyrtotallydating** ’.  _

_ rarariley has changed cairoandrileyrdating’s username to ‘ **Farrah** ’.  _

**rarariley:** Okay, not like that! 

**Farrah:** lame 

_ Chess has changed their username to ‘ **checkmate’.** _

**rarariley:** Perfect! Thank you for demonstrating, Chess! 

**checkmate:** No problem haha 

_ Kate has changed their username to **‘kate’.** _

**Cairo:** dalton did u seriously just put ur name in lowercase 

**kate:** you know nothing about aesthetics.

**checkmate:** Of course you would lol… I love it

**Cairo:** once again 

**Cairo:** listen to your girlfriend. 

**kate:** once again. 

**kate:** shut up. 

_ Reese has changed their username to ‘ **senior-spirit’.** _

**rarariley:** Cute!! Tiger pride! 

**senior-spirit:** Thank you Riley!! 😊

_ Cairo has changed their username to **‘prom_princess’.** _

_ Annleigh has changed their username to **‘romans 8:28’.** _

**Farrah:** oh my god 

**rarariley:** Annleigh… we really can’t keep bringing religion into school-related events and activities. We have talked about this before… 

**romans 8:28:** This is just a group chat, though, right? So, I think it would be fine! :^) 

**rarariley:** Well… I suppose so… 

_ Farrah has changed their name to ‘ **satan 4:20’** _

**prom_princess:** lmaooo

**romans 8:28:** >:^( 

**romans 8:28:** Farrah. No. 

**satan 4:20:** farrah yes 

**rarariley:** This is spiraling out of control more rapidly than I expected… 😔

**prom_princess:** u think 

**kate:** i’m absolutely not staying here. 

**checkmate:** Kate, you’re not allowed to leave me here lol

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

It was a good thing that Kate Dalton had mastered the art of concealing her emotions so deeply down inside her that people tended to doubt she had them. Otherwise, the entire math class would have seen her turn bright red. 

Which meant, about four seats behind her and three to the left, Chess also would have seen her turn red. 

The fact that there was a seating chart for the first day of class (seriously, who does that?) had annoyed the dark-haired girl enough. Being about as far away as the classroom allowed from her best friend had done very little to improve her mood during the period. However, as the nonsense that was whatever the fuck their cheer squad could be called continued to play on, Kate found that she was almost grateful for their distance. 

It wasn’t as if it was the first time Cairo had made comments about her friendship with Chess, of course. Talk about projecting your own emotions on the wrong person. Just because the other girl was madly in love with her own best friend didn’t mean that Kate was pining after Chess. God. 

_ Except, _ the annoying voice in her head always popped up at the wrong times,  _ you definitely are.  _

Shut up. 

Yeah. That was sort of the problem. 

Kate snuck a glance back behind her when the professor had his back turned, looking at her best friend. Unlike her usual braid, Chess had left her hair down today, so it fell in these loose curls around her back. The rest of her was as familiar as breathing to the shorter girl, though. Blue-and white windbreaker and soft, brown eyes... Sometimes, Kate wondered why someone like Chess chose to spend time with her.

Unfortunately for her, Kate wasn’t as subtle as she thought she was. Within a few moments, Chess had turned in her direction. Her friend raised an eyebrow, both amused and vaguely surprised to find the younger girl staring at her, and then nodded in the direction of the teacher as if to say ‘ _ pay attention, you dork’  _ before returning to her own notes. 

_ Dear God, she’s so pretty. _

Kate slumped further into her seat and tried to keep her mind on the formula in front of her. It wasn’t a hard problem, but she’d always had trouble focusing in math class. Big surprise, huh, since she and Chess had been in the same period since Kate had started high school. It was really no wonder that her mind started to wonder. Her friend didn’t have the same problem, really. Chess had always been better at math and science that she’d been, anyway. She was more of a liberal arts kid herself, not that she’d ever admit that to anyone. 

“Ms. Dalton?”

The dark-haired girl shook herself out of her thoughts just in time to release the whole class was staring at her. That was… unfortunate. The teacher, a stern looking, no-nonsense kind of man, was glaring at her impatiently. “Uh… yes, sir?” 

“I asked, how would you go about answering this equation.” He nodded in the direction of the board. 

Kate attempted to take in the problem, knowing full-well it would take her longer to solve it than she had to answer the question. Thankfully, she had perfected her snarky voice at this point in her high school experience. “Solve for x?” She said, flippantly. 

Around her, several of the other students chuckled. Even the professor’s lip twitched upwards a bit, although he turned around with an eye roll for show. “Thank you for stating the obvious, Ms. Dalton. Now, would anyone like to be a little more specific?” 

Class continued around her, letting Kate return relatively safely to using her phone under her desk. Riley’s cheer group chat from hell seemed to be continuing at full speed, judging by the amount of unread messages she had from it. Ignoring that, Kate also noticed a text from Chess. She shot her friend a smile across the desk, and was met with a wink that made the junior’s heart flutter. 

_ She’s got to stop doing that…  _

Kate opened the notification on her phone. 

  
  


**Direct Message:** **checkers♟️ @ girl in red**

_ 12:59 P.M. on Thursday, August 21st. _

**checkers♟:** Kate I’m crying

**checkers♟:** There wasn’t even an x in the equation

**checkers♟:** You are unbelievable sometimes, you know that? 

**girl in red:** wait there wasn’t? 

**girl in red:** fuck. 

**checkers♟:** _ katherine— _

**girl in red:** uhh… whoops?

**checkers♟:** LOLL

**checkers♟:** I love you 

Alright, composure? Gone. Kate was absolutely bright red at this point. She had to hope that Chess was too absorbed in her phone to notice her. She decided to stare at the white board as intently as she possibly could, ignoring any possible… anything. 

Why did Kate’s heart still flip-flop this much every time Chess said those words? 

She looked back at her phone. No more messages, which made sense since it was Kate’s turn to reply. Quickly, she sent a message in response. 

**girl in red:** love you too checkers

Another message caught her eye from the group chat. Oh dear Lord, there was so much going on— 

**Group Message:** **🐯 Go Tigers! GCHS Cheer Group Chat!! 🐯**

_ 1:02 P.M. on Thursday, August 21. _

**romans 8:28:** Cairo! There’s no need for that kind of language!

**prom_princess:** bitch im going to end u

Kate threw her phone back into her backpack and turned back to the board. Behind her, she could hear Chess’s stifled laughter at whatever Cairo was threatening Annleigh over this time. As good as Riley’s intentions had probably been, the brunette was pretty sure the only thing this chat would actually lead to was being a serious pain in Kate’s ass. 

This was going to be a  _ long _ year. 


	2. 002. Unexplainably, Unexpectedly Wonderful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever accidentally dated your best friend for several years without knowing it? Yeah, them too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I imagine direct message usernames as what the other person has saved for their username, if that makes sense! So like, in this one, Kate has Chess's contact as Checkers and Chess has Kate's contact saved as Girl In Red, ect. So at the end, when a username gets changed, it's the other person updating the contact information! Hope this made sense!!
> 
> Note^2: POVs in this tend to take place in chronological order, so the day gets later as it goes on. The time stamps on messages should help, but that's why I organized them how I did, in case it was confusing at all! ^^
> 
> USERNAME REFERENCE -  
> Riley: rarariley  
> Cairo: prom_princess  
> Kate: kate  
> Chess: checkmate  
> Farrah: satan 4:20  
> Annleigh: romans 8:28  
> Reese: senior-spirit 
> 
> TW: Chess's POV has another reference to panicking, and deals with intrusive thoughts and addiction. It's nothing different than she deals with in the show, but please take care of yourself as always! If you want to skip the largest part of it, and just read the happier part, you're welcome to skip to the line starting with "Another long pause" when she and Kate are on the phone.

**Group Message:** **🐯 Go Tigers! GCHS Cheer Group Chat!! 🐯**

_ 3:42 P.M. on Thursday, August 21. _

_ romans 8:28 is now online. _

_ checkmate is now online.  _

_ prom_princess is now online. _

**romans 8:28:** Has anyone seen Farrah? Clark and I are ready to go but I can’t find her anywhere. 

**checkmate:** I haven’t seen her. Sorry Annleigh 

**prom_princess:** lmao bet she ditched 

**prom_princess:** ryes not gonna be happy if she doesnt make it to practice tomorrow tho 

**checkmate:** Probably not helping there Cairo 

**romans 8:28:** We’ll be there! I just have to actually find her first! 

_ senior-spirit is now online. _

**senior-spirit:** I saw her by the lockers a few minutes ago!! 

**romans 8:28:** Oh, thank god. Thanks, Reeses! I’ll check there. 

_ romans 8:28 is now offline. _

_ prom_princess is now offline. _

**senior-spirit:** It’s just… Reese… actually, but I hope you find her !! 

**checkmate:** I have to go drop Kate off now. See you at practice Reese! 

**senior-spirit:** Bye Chess!!! 

_ checkmate is now offline. _

_ senior-spirit is now offline. _

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

_ This really isn’t anything like High School Musical… _

Mattie Wheeler thought this as she trudged down the hallway of lockers and towards the front of the school. Her floral-patterned backpack was slung over her shoulders, as always. It felt a little like a safety net to the petite girl. The first day didn’t exactly call for needing a backpack. Mattie had seen lots of kids (mainly upperclassmen) without one. It wasn’t as if they had their books yet or anything, and all they really did in her classes was learn each other’s names. 

Still, Mattie felt better with her backpack on. It gave her something to hold onto. Giles Corey was so much larger than her old school. For as expensive as it was, she was surprised by the number of kids who went there. Mainly, though, it was the campus that overwhelmed her. It was like being on a college campus in some parts. Everything was new and brightly decorated, with large posters advertising sports teams and theater productions. 

There were a few sign ups for the cheer squad, but judging by the amount of blank lines open, they weren’t exactly very popular. Mattie had already done her audition a few weeks ago. It had been scary, but the captain of the team, Riley, seemed to be super friendly. Maybe a little bit overly friendly, in some ways, but Mattie knew enough about her own anxiety to recognize it in someone else. 

(She didn’t mention this to the senior, of course.)

It had felt nice when the redhead had called her with the news she’d made the squad, but walking around school today had made Mattie wonder if she’d actually had any competition. The freshman wasn’t one for gossip, but she couldn’t help but overhear the rumors circulating around about how dysfunctional the team seemed to be. Apparently, there had been some kind of an accident last year, and a video of a failed stunt had gone viral. Mattie had thought about trying to find it, but she wasn’t exactly sure she really wanted to. Honestly, joining this team had been stressful enough for her. 

The group chat she’d added to at lunch time hadn’t exactly calmed her nerves. So far, she’d only met Riley in person. Tomorrow was their first official practice, however. Mattie tried to memorize the names that she’d first seen so it might be a little easier to get along when she met everyone, but it was impossible to focus with everything going on. 

_ For a bunch of people who don’t seem to get along, they sure talk a lot,  _ Mattie’s hands wrapped around her backpack straps as she found her mother’s minivan in the carpool line and started to jog towards it. But there was no time for that. First day of high school was over with. That’s all that mattered now. 

Let tomorrow be about whatever crazy cheer team she’d wandered into. Tonight was for rest. 

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**Direct Message:** **clark~! @ 💍annie💖**

_ 3:47 P.M. on Thursday, August 21st. _

**clark~!:** hey love! i just wanted to let you know i found farrah! she’s in the car with me, so we can head out whenever you’re ready :^)

**💍annie💖:** Oh thank gosh! Where was she? Mom and Dad were going to kill me if we were late on the first day…

**💍annie💖:** Which of course she knows but conveniently forgot, of course 😔

**clark~!:** she said she was finishing up an art project… 

**clark~!:** she does have a fairly large piece of paper she’s holding, so i’m going to choose to believe her haha!

**💍annie💖:** You are really too sweet to her… and everyone… Sometimes I think I don’t deserve you… 

**clark~!:** that’s nonsense, annie… i love you more than anything, you make me better, love!

**💍annie💖:** ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

**💍annie💖:** How did I ever get to be so lucky? 

**💍annie💖:** I love you so much, you know, right? 

**clark~!:** i love you too! 

**clark~!:** farrah says she’s going to key my car if we don’t stop texting each other 😂😂

**💍annie💖:** 😒

**💍annie💖:** Tell her I’m on my way and to be on her BEST behavior, please

**clark~!:** will do haha! see you soon, love

_ 💍annie💖 has loved a message at 3:51 P.M. _

_ 💍annie💖 is now offline. _

_ clark~! is now offline. _

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

Even before she was almost killed by a runaway skateboard, Eva Sanchez was not having a particularly good day. 

West High was… fine... as high schools went, the girl supposed. It wasn’t fancy and most of the kids who went there didn’t like it, but it was certainly better than nothing. Mostly, everyone tended to keep to themselves. This was good, in some ways. Eva could be herself and not too many people cared. Sure, there were always going to be homophobic assholes, but the majority of people just left her alone. 

It was the same on the cheer team, too. Eva didn’t have any dislike for the other girls, but they weren’t exactly close. They came to practice on time, did their drills, and then went home. That was honestly all she could ask for, really. As far as cheer captains went, the brunette knew she probably wasn’t the picture perfect embodiment of what people expected. 

Again, this suited her just… fine. The less time she had to deal with friends and drama, the more she could focus on her studies and work, anyway. 

_ Still,  _ Eva thought as she plodded along to her after school job, jean jacket pulled over her red uniform,  _ it might be nice to have a *few* friends. Or a girlfriend. Or whatever. If the universe is listening.  _

_“Look out!”_

**CRASH.**

The next thing she knew, Eva was on the ground with a dull pain in her back and a stranger on top of her, spewing very rapid apologies as fast as she possibly could. Someone just out of her line of vision was laughing so hard that judging by sound alone, she was on the verge of falling over. 

You know those days where this might as well happen? Eva knew those days. 

A weight was lifted from her chest as the other person hurried to climb off of her, still apologizing over and over again, by the sound of it. Eva sat up slowly as well, taking time to make sure that everything felt the way it was supposed to. Her ass was going to be sore for weeks, she expected, but otherwise, nothing felt out of place. It certainly wasn’t the worst fall she’d ever taken by any means. It was nice being a flier, but you couldn’t stunt without falling once in a while. 

“I am so, so sorry… I’m so sorry—” Eva finally looked up at her accidental assailant as she noticed the hand being offered to help her up. She couldn’t help but notice that the girl who had apparently knocked into her was quite pretty, with soft, brown eyes and a face that must have been sweet when it didn’t look absolutely panicked. She looked familiar, too, although Eva couldn’t place where she might have seen her from. Definitely not a West High kid. 

Eva took the girl’s hand gratefully and was pulled up effortlessly, surprised at how strong the other girl was. “Hey, don’t worry about it…!” The brunette tried to give the girl a reassuring smile. “No harm done!” 

This still didn’t strike all the worry off the amateur skateboarder’s face, although some of that had to be her friend laughing. Glancing over, Eva noticed that the chuckling came from a petite girl in a flannel and a baseball cap. She seemed to find this whole situation rather amusing, although judging by the way she kept shifting back and forth on her feet, it seemed to be a cover for some underlying anxiety. 

_ She’s also very attractive.  _ Not the time, Eva. 

“Really,” Eva cut the girl who fell off from apologizing for the umpteenth time, “I’m fine, I promise! Accidents happen!” Distraction seemed like a better method than anything else, at this point, so she stuck her hand out. “I’m Eva, by the way. Eva Sanchez.” 

The darker-haired girl chuckled a bit before crossing her arms. It might have been meant to be intimidating, but honestly, the effect was just pretty cute.  _ Not the time, Eva. Head in the game.  _ “Oh, we know who you are. Our captain’s obsessed with you.” Her friend shot her a look that clearly read  _ ‘don’t scare her _ ’. 

This did make Eva raise her eyebrow. “Um… captain?” 

The first girl took her hand, finally, still seeming to be a little dazed. “Um, cheer captain. We’re on the Giles Corey Cheer Team, so we see you guys at games! I’m Chess, and the wanna-be hot topic model over there is Kate.” The girl chuckled a bit at her own joke as the girl apparently called Kate stuck her tongue out in response. It was all very endearing, really, but Eva felt that this wasn’t something she should comment on. 

Oh… That’s where she must have recognized them from. That video. The failed stunt that went viral. Eva hadn’t been watching the competition when it happened, but she’d seen all the YouTube highlights. Personally, she thought they’d been mean. Everyone fell out of formation sometimes. Eva didn’t hold any love for the Giles Corey kids, but it wasn’t fair to hold things like falling against them. 

The delivery girl realized there was an awkward pause as she’d spaced out. Clearly, one of them had asked her something that she hadn’t been focusing on. “Sorry, come again?” 

The girl who’d ran into her, Chess, smiled softly. “Sorry, I just asked if you were sure you were okay… I don’t know the law surrounding skateboard crashes. Can I do anything to help or make it up to you?” 

Kate, behind her, snickered. “Chess here isn’t exactly what you’d call a skater girl.” The taller of the two shot a fake glare in her friend’s direction. 

Eva chuckled, sticking her hands in her pockets. “I see… well, I’ll let you go without calling the insurance companies this time…!” She joked, attempting to come across as cool. _Oh God, please let that come across as cool._

The shorter girl smirked, grabbing what must have been her skateboard from the ground by Chess. “Nice of you.” Her dark eyes looked Eva up and down, as if taking her in for the first time. The taller girl felt like this might have been some kind of test. In the pockets of her jean jacket, her hands curled a bit in nervousness. 

_ Calm down, Eva. What’s there to even be nervous about?  _

Apparently, Kate decided she passed some kind of test. “I like your pin…” She gave the tiniest hint of a genuine smile, which made Eva’s heart flip flop. 

Just a bit. It was nothing. Totally nothing. 

Whatever. 

Wait— did Kate mean her pride pin? Holy shit?

“Thanks…!” Eva had to try hard to keep a stupid grin off her face.  _ Don’t do anything stupid, please. I’m begging you.  _

There was a moment of silence before Chess spoke up again. God, it was really unfair how well these two balanced each other out. “Are you like sure-sure I can’t get you something? An ice pack? Advil? A cup of coffee?” 

Eva was honestly going to take the poor girl up on the offer, just so she felt better, but she noticed the time on her watch. “Oh shit— I’m so sorry, I would love to grab coffee, but I have to get to work.” 

“Oh–” Chess seemed to understand, because she was pulling out her phone. “Here, can I get your number, then? I can get you one later, if you’d like!” She elbowed Kate, as if to remind her, which sent the younger girl reaching into her knapsack for her phone, too. Eva watched this scene unfold as if it was happening to a stranger. Surely, things like this didn’t actually happen in real life, did they? She felt like she’d been transported to the plot of a particularly bad Hallmark movie. 

_ You’re not exactly complaining here, Eva.  _ Shut up!

“Uh, sure…! It’s really not necessary, but I’d like that.” The flier nodded, pulling out her own phone and opening the contact app as fast as she could. Her boss was not going to be nearly as happy as Eva was if she ended up late again, and she couldn’t afford to lose this job. Not that she expected that this was something Giles Corey kids to understand, although she supposed it was rude to judge these two based only on that. Chess seemed genuinely sweet, and Kate… had a good sense of humor, apparently, even if her other emotions seemed to be covered by flannel and a good amount of snark. She passed the phone to Chess and Kate, putting her own number in theirs. 

As soon as she finished, she slipped her phone back into her pocket. “I’ve gotta get going, but it was, uh, nice to meet you both!” Eva had been present for this entire conversation, and she still couldn’t tell you what was going on. With a wave from Chess and a nod from Kate, she started walking towards the pizza parlor. Work, as it turned out, waited for no woman. 

… well then. 

The universe had a very strange way of answering requests, didn’t it?

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


**Direct Message:** **checkers♟️ @ girl in red**

_ 12:23 A.M. on Friday, August 22nd. _

**girl in red:** do you think that girl we ran into today was gay?

**checkers♟️:** Huh???? 

**checkers♟️:** Oh, you mean Eva? Honestly Kate LOL

**girl in red:** focus, checkers

**girl in red:** was. she. gay?

**checkers♟️:** I

**checkers♟️:** You are absolutely unbelievable

**checkers♟️:** We have her number, you know. You could like, I don’t know, ASK HER.

**girl in red:** you know nothing about romance, miss monopoly

**checkers♟️:** Really??? And you’re the romance expert now, huh?

**checkers♟️:** I’ll believe that when I see it

**girl in red:** hey, i’ll let you know that i could be very romantic should i choose to be. 

**checkers♟️:** Oh yeah?

**girl in red:** absolutely. they don’t call me kate ‘the romance expert’ dalton for nothing, checkers

**checkers♟️:** I would pay money to watch someone call you that, I think LOL!

**checkers♟️:** I think you’d drop kick them or something 😂

**girl in red:** probably yeah

**girl in red:** but back to the point at hand

**girl in red:** i can totally be romantic if i wanted to be

**girl in red:** i could seduce the fuck out of a girl if i wanted to

**checkers♟️:** Oh, I believe you!

**checkers♟️:** It worked on me, after all <3

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

… oh my god, wait… 

Wait, why had she said that? 

She wasn’t ready-

_ Oh god, oh god, oh god- _

The bright light of her phone screen was almost blinding in the darkness of Chess’s room, despite the fact it was on the lowest setting. The senior had been about to sleep when Kate, who probably wouldn’t be in bed for several more hours, had started texting her. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. 

Now, all she could do was wait for a reply. More than likely, there were two options. One, Kate would think she was joking and move on. It wouldn’t be unusual for the two of them to joke about stuff like this. 

The other, which scared Chess a lot more if she was honest with herself, was that Kate did understand what she meant, but didn’t return her feelings. The younger girl was a lot more open about her sexuality than Chess had ever been. Maybe it was the pressure of chasing fame or the publicity that she’d had to endure after her accident, but the brunette had never been very comfortable talking about her emotions. 

_ Clearly, _ Chess thought a little bitterly as her eyes flicked to the drawer of her bedside table where all those little orange bottles were hidden,  _ you don’t much like thinking about them, either.  _

Chess had always liked things to be tidy. Neat. She prided herself on being a very organized person. Everything had a place in her room. 

Her heart, though? That was a different matter altogether. 

Maybe this had been a bad idea… 

The gymnast turned her phone over, unwilling to keep staring at a blank screen while she waited for Kate’s reply. This had been a bad idea. Honestly, she didn’t know what had made her say it. Just because it was there, maybe? It wasn’t like her to act without thinking. By nature, Chess was cautious. Kate had always been the reckless one, the risk taker. That was what made the two of them compatible. Without Chess, Kate would probably be something of a flight risk. Without Kate, Chess knew she’d be even more lost than she was already. 

She turned over in bed, staring hard at the drawer that had what she wanted. All it would take was one little pill, and she’d fall asleep. That was it. 

Kate was taking a long time to respond. That wasn’t a good sign. Maybe she hadn’t seen it yet. Maybe she had, but she was trying to figure out what Chess had meant. Maybe she wasn’t ever going to talk to her again, and oh God, she shouldn’t have said anything, she shouldn’t have, she should have just left it, oh God— 

Chess squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as possible, but the orange bottle still swam in her head. No. No, she couldn’t. She had been doing better these past few weeks. The ex-gymnast had promised herself that she’d try before the first week of senior year. It could still be fine. She could stay clean. She didn’t have to give in now, again, just to stop the screaming in her head. 

It wasn’t even screaming at her, anymore. It used to be. When Chess had first had the accident, the voice in her head had always yelled the loudest. All about the people that she was letting down, people who’d believed in her. People who now knew exactly what she was: useless. Gymnastics had been the only thing she’d ever had time to excel in, really. Maybe that was sad, but it had certainly been true. She was alright at school, but there had never been time for anything else growing up. 

In the dark, she couldn’t see the pictures on the wall. Past performances. Chess, younger and still smiling for real, because she didn’t know that the world would take it away from her. 

Now, the voice was just loud. It didn’t say anything much, but it was just… like a crowd screaming at all hours of the day. Taking the pills made it quiet, for a little bit, in a way that nothing else seemed to help. 

She needed to talk to someone about it. She needed to… tell someone, that she’d slipped up again. About the voice. Chess knew she needed to. 

But she’d also been a bother for so long. She couldn’t be that anymore. She couldn’t do that to anyone else who might have loved her, anyone else who thought she was fine, already better.

Kate. 

Kate… 

Kate was passionate and loud and hilarious, and Chess loved every part of her. Not in a way she truly understood, but she knew that her feelings were real. Sometimes, it felt like her friend was the only one who’d bother to care about the girl underneath Chess’s exterior. Kate was good at that, really, had always been. She was the kind of person who read you like a book and who didn’t skim pages. The junior had a habit of reading between your lines, of knowing things about you that you didn’t even understand about yourself. 

Kate was— calling her? 

_ Buzz. Buzzzzz. Buzzz…  _

The gymnast all but tossed herself back to the area of the bed where she’d left her phone. Apparently, she hadn’t actually turned it off of silent. She’d missed about four calls and several text messages from her friend in the past view minutes she’d been spaced out. Now, Kate’s picture flashed up with her caller ID as the junior redialed her. 

**girl in red:** wait

**girl in red:** chess what do you mean? 

**girl in red:** do you mean—

**girl in red:** wait 

**girl in red:** can i call you please? 

_ You have missed a call from  _ **_‘girl in red’._ **

**girl in red:** its nothing bad i promise

_ You have missed a call from  _ **_‘girl in red’._ **

**girl in red:** checkers

**girl in red:** checkers

**girl in red:** chess 

**girl in red:** im not mad i promise

**girl in red:** please pick up i know you aren’t asleep 

_ You have missed a call from  _ **_‘girl in red’._ **

**girl in red:** chess are you okay? 

**girl in red:** can you answer?

**girl in red:** we don’t have to talk about this rn i promise, but please just let me know you’re okay

_ You have missed a call from  _ **_‘girl in red’._ **

_ Oh god, oh god, oh god.  _

When had she started crying? Chess hadn’t noticed the tears falling. 

_ Oh god, I can’t pick up crying. Oh god…  _ The senior couldn’t remember the last time she’d actually cried in front of the younger girl, if she ever had. She wasn’t a person who showed emotions (at least, not real ones) to people. But, if she didn’t answer, Kate would probably attempt to drive over here. This wouldn’t go well for anyone, as her friend was a notoriously poor driver and Chess’s parents were not known for sleeping heavily. 

**‘girl in red’** _ is calling. Accept?  _

Fingers fumbling with the phone, she hit the ‘accept’ button before putting it to her ear. Her voice didn’t seem to want to work properly at the moment. She had to whisper because it was so late, she had to smile because Kate couldn’t hear her cry, she had to, had to, had to— 

“Chess—” On the other side of the phone, her friend sounded relieved. “Chess, are you okay?” 

She couldn’t get the words out. They were stuck. There was so much to say and not enough time left to say it and the noise was so loud in her head. All she wanted was to grab the nearest bottle of pills and get it quiet again.  _ Please, it’s too loud. _

“Chess? Checkers? Chess…?” Kate sounded more and more concerned, which only made the older girl feel worse.  _ Stop making her worry. Stop making her care.  _ “Are you there? Are you alright?” 

“..... hi…” She finally managed to whisper into the speaker, barely loud enough for herself to hear, let alone the phone. “H-hi… I’m here, I… I’m sorry…” 

Kate’s breath hitched and then released. It struck Chess as ironic. She was used to these kinds of phone calls, but never playing this role. Kate had panic attacks every so often, but Chess had never been one to call anyone when she went through these episodes. The girl preferred dealing with them alone, where she didn’t have to bother anyone with her mental state.

_ Oh. She’s still talking. _

Kate was trying to get her attention. She’d been back in her head again. “... don’t be sorry.” Chess caught the tail end of the sentence. “There’s nothing to be sorry about, okay? I promise. I’m not mad at you, okay?” 

This made her cry harder, hearing the other girl’s gentle tone. Kate was so many things, but she was so rarely this soft. It made the senior nervous, like she was forcing a role that the younger girl wasn’t used to playing onto her. Chess knew that Kate could be soft, knew she was lucky to see this side of her, but it didn’t make having to bring it out any easier. “I’m sorry… I’m…” She choked out again. 

“It’s fine. I promise, it’s fine.” Kate was rustling with something. “Can I come over, Chess? I can be right there… fuck—“ There was the sound of her hitting something. “Please, let me come help.” 

No. No, no, no…. she couldn’t come over, because she might look in the drawers, she might see, and that couldn’t be how Kate found out. It couldn’t. “N… no, please… it’s fine. I’m…” Her voice and breathing was steadying. “I’m fine, Kate. Promise.” 

There was a pause from the other side of the phone. “I… I don’t know if I believe you, Chess.” 

“If I tell you I’m fine, you have to believe me.” She quoted their rule. “... Please… don’t come over. I can’t have you dying on my watch.” Her attempt at humor fell a little flat, but it was better than nothing. 

Another long pause. Finally, there was a sigh. “Alright… I won’t come over. But… can you at least tell me… I mean… was this about what you said…?” 

_ Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. _

“... maybe… a little…?” Another attempt at humor. Even if it wasn’t funny, it was helping her regain control. Chess pushed the image of the orange bottle and the little white pills out of her mind and tried to focus on the younger girl’s voice.

Kate exhaled on the other side of the phone, but it didn’t seem to be a negative sound. That was good, right? She had called her, right? She didn’t hate her… right? “Okay. Alright… this isn’t exactly how I  _ planned _ this going, and maybe I’m misreading it… but… Checkers. Chess. Fuck, I mean… fuck me.  **_WAIT—_ ** not. Not like that, bad choice of. Wordings, I mean…” 

By this point, her chest didn’t feel quite so tight. Kate was still Kate. She wasn’t mad at her. It was going to be okay. Chess let out a few breaths, trying to relax to the sound of her friend’s voice. It was going to be— 

… wait. 

Had Kate just? 

Wait. 

“Kate…” Chess sat up in bed. “Um… w-what are you trying to… say?” 

Another huff. “I… like you. Too. Or, I mean. Not too, if that wasn’t what your text meant. I just, I thought maybe… you know, with the heart and then you not answering. But… I mean, I don’t know for sure or anything, and honestly, I know we talk about my love life, but I don’t know… I mean, like… if you… that way and…” 

Wait. Wait. Wait. What? 

“You… like me? Like… like that, you mean?” If nothing else, this conversation was definitely giving any FBI agents who might be listening in something to laugh about. 

“Yes, dummy.” Kate was always snarky when she was trying too hard not to feel something. She let out another sigh, and tried to relax. “I mean, I didn’t think I was being that subtle about it, honestly. I kind of always thought you knew and that you just… I don’t know, didn’t swing that way or just didn’t like me back.” 

“Oh… o-oh…” Chess was probably bright red at this point, and thankful that Kate had not made the decision to come over. “I… I don’t know. I just thought…” What? Really, thinking back on it… she supposed that Kate had sort of seemed… well, now that she thought about it… but Chess had always thought she’d just been imagining it. That Kate doing things that might be considered romantic was just her mind playing tricks on her or her reading too much into it. 

“But… but I’ve thought. I mean, when I would say things like ‘I love you’, you always got… I mean, I always thought you were uncomfortable with it. Because you didn’t like me back, I mean…” Chess mumbled, quietly. This was so much. There was so much happening. Why hadn’t she ever imagined a scenario where her friend liked her back? 

At this, Kate’s peal of laughter echoed over the sound. Chess wanted to hold onto that sound and never let it go. There was so much release in it, warmth and light. “For fuck’s sake, Chess,” The dark-haired girl was laughing too hard to form the sentence. It was like being drunk on champagne, where the world was shiny and about to bubble over. “I was uncomfortable because I didn’t want to propose to you or something. I thought you meant it as a friend! I was scared of confessing.” 

For the hundredth time this night, Chess thought back on her life. This time, however, she tried to see what she’d been missing this whole time. What she thought had been through rose-tinted glasses, but what was actually real. 

Kate, grabbing Chess’s hand on their way to gymnastics practice. Kate, curled up and falling asleep beside her after one of her panicked episodes. Kate, attempting to teach her to skateboard this afternoon and holding her hands around her waist, making sure she wouldn’t fall again and actually hurt herself. Kate, ending every text and conversation with ‘I love you’ when they said goodbye. 

_ Oh my God. _

“... have we been dating this whole time…?” Chess was laughing now, too, and it felt so wonderful. 

Kate sounded like she was on the verge of having a breakdown. “If we have been, why the fuck didn’t you tell me?!” 

“Why didn’t  _ you _ tell  _ me?! _ ” So unexplainably, unexpectedly wonderful. 

“ _ I didn’t even know you were even into girls, Chess! _ ” 

There were tears in her eyes, but they felt different. Better. They were okay. It was going to be okay. “I didn’t ever say I wasn’t… I… I don’t know what… it’s just you… I mean, I’ve never… I didn’t ever get a chance to…” 

Kate’s voice became sweet again, and it didn’t make her feel quite as guilty as before. “It’s alright, Checkers. Don’t worry about it too much right now. Clearly, neither one of us was doing much thinking this whole time. You don’t have to figure out everything all at once, okay? I know it can be confusing.” 

“Yeah…” They were going to be okay. “Yeah.” She repeated, falling back down onto her pillow. Suddenly, she was very tired. Kate must have been too, because Chess could hear the yawn in her voice on the other end. 

“Maybe we should… you know… actually talk about what we might... want to be when it’s not one in the morning, you know?” Kate joked, but it was softer than normal. “If you want, of course.” 

“Yes!” It was almost too fast, and the smile in her voice was evident. “Yes… I mean. I’d really like that. Really.” 

“Cool.” Oh dear Lord, Chess could practically hear Kate making finger guns through the phone. This was a nightmare. This was a dream. This was love. “Cool. Then… are you feeling okay to sleep, now? No more nerves?” 

_Only_ _the good kind_ , the gymnast wanted to say. _The butterfly kind._ “No more nerves.” Chess promised, crossing her heart in tradition despite the fact that Kate couldn’t see her. “Goodnight, Kitkat...” 

“Goodnight, Checkers. Love you...” 

“Love you, too.” 

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**Direct Message:** **farrah @ annleighs bf or whatevr**

_ 2:14 A.M. on Friday, August 22nd. _

**farrah:** hey

**farrah:** clark r u up?

**farrah:** clark.

**annleighs bf or whatevr:** hey farrah, are you okay?? its super late… are you safe? do you need me to come get you? 

**farrah:** oh

**farrah:** no its not, like that ig

**farrah:** why r u so nice? 

**annleighs bf or whatevr:** huh? what do you mean? 

**farrah:** like

**farrah:** i probably just woke u up or whatever

**farrah:** i didnt even have a good reason really

**farrah:** so why arent u going to get mad at me? 

**annleighs bf or whatevr:** why would i be mad at you? 

**annleighs bf or whatevr:** you can text me whenever, alright? 

**annleighs bf or whatevr:** you should know that i’m always here for you. i know you don’t always get along great with annleigh, but… i do know you mean a lot to her, okay? you mean a lot to me, too. i know we aren’t close or anything, but you can come to me for anything… 

**annleighs bf or whatevr:** so… did you want to talk about anything? 

**farrah:** … oh. 

**farrah:** i mean 

**farrah:** no nevermind 

**farrah:** it was nothing 

_ farrah has gone offline. _

**annleighs bf or whatevr:** alright… well, if that changes… 

**annleighs bf or whatevr:** goodnight, farrah! sleep well! 

_ annleighs bf or whatevr has gone offline. _

  
**Contact Name Change:** **‘annleighs bf or whatevr’** to **‘clark’**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I can't finish a two-page paper for uni in a week, but I wrote like 9 pages of this in about 12 hours. Yeah, that seems right... the power of projecting on more successful gays than myself compelled me. I think checkateva is just very neat and that they're all very stupid and I love them very much. Realistically, it makes more sense for Chess and Kate to confess to each other first, but I did want Eva to be in this chapter because I adore her. 
> 
> This definitely didn't have as many GC parts as I expected it too, but part of that is set-up! Hopefully that's okay, and that you enjoy the story so far! Thank you guys so much for your support and love for this already, I was seriously stunned! I'm glad you guys liked the first chapter, and I had a blast getting this one out to you. 
> 
> I'm going to try as much as possible to alter each chapter's POV features as much as I can. So far, we've had Riley, Chess, Mattie, and Kate, so the next chapter will have at least two of the other girls and hopefully (crosses my fingers) one from Clark because he's perfect. 
> 
> Anyway, that's about it on my end! Thank you again for reading! Make sure to get some water, be kind to yourself, and show your pets some love if you have any!
> 
> ~ Paige <3
> 
> (As always, if you want to come hang out, hit me up on tumblr! @moxy-by-proxy)


	3. 003. New Year, Same Old Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knock knock. Who's there? Oh, it's emotional repression!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USERNAME REFERENCE -  
> Riley: rarariley  
> Cairo: prom_princess  
> Kate: kate  
> Chess: checkmate  
> Farrah: satan 4:20  
> Annleigh: romans 8:28  
> Reese: senior-spirit  
> (Mattie will get to change hers soon, I promise haha!)
> 
> (This chapter is fairly unedited because I got overexcited and just wanted to post it. I'll go back through and edit it later, but hopefully it's readable for now!) 
> 
> TW: There's a few references to addiction at the end of Farrah's POV (when she thinks about Chess), and a few mentions of alcohol during that section as a whole, but it's just covering what's in the show. Stay safe, everyone!

**Group Message:** **🐯 Go Tigers! GCHS Cheer Group Chat!! 🐯**

_ 6:49 A.M. on Friday, August 22nd. _

**rarariley:** Goooood morning, Tigers!! 🐯🐯 Happy Friday! Just a reminder that our very first practice of the season is at 4 P.M. today in the gym! Please be there on time and ready to go! ^^ 

**checkmate:** Will do! 

_ satan 4:20 is now online. _

**satan 4:20:** jesus christ why do u ppl HATE SLEEP? 

**satan 4:20:** imagine having a good sleep schedule

**satan 4:20:** in this fuckign economy 

**satan 4:20:** god

_ satan 4:20 is now offline. _

**rarariley:** Um… well then! 

**rarariley:** Good morning, team! ☀️

**checkmate:** LOL but… she’s up already too? 

_ rarariley has laughed at a message at 6:51 A.M. _

**rarariley:** I don’t think I’m going to tell her that… 😅 

**checkmate:** Me neither LOLL 

**checkmate:** Gtg! See you at practice tonight! 

_ rarariley has loved a message at 6:52 A.M. _

**rarariley:** See you there!! 📣🐯

_ checkmate is now offline. _

_ rarariley is now offline. _

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

Cairo wasn't always known for the best decisions, but she was pretty sure that if Riley had one more shot of espresso, her friend was going to have a heart attack. 

“Hey…” The taller girl slid into a seat in English class next to the redhead, swiping the thermos off the captain’s desk in a familiar habit. “Maybe ease up on the caffeine, yeah? At this rate, you’re going to die before we even get to college.” 

She tucked the bottle under the seat on the other side of the desk where Riley couldn’t reach it without standing up. And Cairo knew she wouldn’t stand up. Even if she’d learned to speak without her stutter in most public places, Cairo knew that her friend still disliked calling attention to herself outside of cheerleading. It was one of the many stupid, utterly ridiculous things she liked about Riley, really. How could someone so confident around her be so shy when pushed anywhere close to outside her comfort zone? 

The redhead pouted as she always did, as if Cairo hadn’t been taking her coffee away for years. But it was for her own good! Seriously! Cai knew that most people didn’t find her very responsible. That was fine with her. The less people expected of her, the little she had to work. Projecting an air of noncommittal disinterest had always worked in her favor so far. 

Really, the girl took pride in her carefully crafted persona. It was perfect. Cairo was sharp edges and bared teeth and spite that was barely held back. If people expect you to be bitter, why waste time attempting to show them sugar? Her softer side was reserved for the few people who deserved it, for the people who bothered to dig beyond the persona and see if it was an act. 

So far, there’d been a grand total of one person who’d managed that. The same person who was currently giving her puppy dog eyes in their advanced English class. 

“Pleeaassee, Cai…!” Riley begged in a quiet whisper, as class was about to start at any moment. The last bell had rang a few minutes before, but their teacher was known to be tardy. It was the first period, after all. “Come on, I need to be hyped up for practice!!” 

Her friend narrowed her eyes at her. “How many cups have you already had, Rye?” 

There was a distinct lack of an answer for several seconds. This was rarely a good sign. “Riley…” Cairo raised an eyebrow at her. “How many?” 

Finally, the redhead sighed. “Like four, but—”

“ ** _Four?!_** _It is eight in the goddamn morning, Riley—”_ Cairo’s voice was much louder than her friend’s had been. The kids sitting near them gave them weird looks, sending Riley shrinking back into her seat. “One of these days, I swear to God you’re going to be the death of me…” 

“Keep your voice down…” The captain shushed her, eyes glued to the paper. Riley was a good student, but she didn’t pay attention like this. Cairo had a feeling that the disaster from last year was still haunting her. Realistically, that had been months ago. Cai doubted that any of their fellow classmates still remembered it. The problem with her friend was that she was obsessive. 

Of course, Cairo wasn’t an idiot. She knew exactly why Riley was the way she was. After all, she’d had the unpleasant experience of meeting Mr. and Mrs. Williams on multiple occasions. If she never had to again, it would be entirely too soon. 

Still, the girl knew when to back off. Cairo wasn’t always the best with dealing with other people, but she was an expert on all things Riley. Pushing her in class wouldn’t help anything. Not when the girl was nervous enough to begin with. Against her better judgement, she passed the thermos back to the redhead with a dramatic sigh to indicate that she was not at all happy about this. “I’m just saying. Four cups of coffee at eight in the morning—”

Riley shot her a quick grin, a sign that she’d relaxed. “Technically, Cai, the morning is when it’s most socially acceptable to have coffee. I think your point is flawed.” 

It was lucky for the shorter girl that the teacher was looking in their direction, or Cairo would have been tempted to smack her. She settled for an eye roll instead. The problem with Riley is that she was so often (so unfortunately often) right. At least in parts. “You are unbelievable, you know that?” She just repeated, pulling out her homework from the night before to turn in. Realizing that she hadn’t written her name on it, Cairo grabbed Riley’s pencil from her desk and scribbled it hastily before passing it forwards to the boy in front of it. Next to her, Riley did the same with her own. 

The rest of class passed fairly quickly. English wasn’t particularly difficult for Cairo, but old books were not her thing. Gatsby could fuck right off, as far as she were concerned. She’d made the mistake of telling this to Riley when they’d been working on their assignment together in the summer, who pretended to be personally victimized on behalf of all the characters. It was all a big joke. Riley could focus better than she could at most times, but she didn’t like classic literature anymore than anyone else. That was reserved for Kate’s nerdiness alone, which Cairo was quick to point out, much to the junior’s annoyance. 

Speaking of Kate, the prom princess’s mind wandered to the impending calamity that was scheduled for only a few hours from now. The first cheer practice of the year… 

Honestly? Cairo would probably take Gatsby over whatever mess that was sure to be. Their team was, for lack of a better term, a complete shit show. Farrah came to half their practices drunk last year even before Chess had dropped her, and everyone else was hanging on by a thread as it was. Excluding the new freshman, of course, who Cairo would hold judgement on until she met her. 

(Although, it was pretty fair to assume she wasn’t mentally stable, either. Cairo hadn’t watched Mattie’s tryouts with Riley, but no one who voluntarily joined their team after last year’s disaster was in a good state of mind. You couldn't be on this team and be having a good time of it all, Cairo knew from personal experience. That was just a Tigers fact.) 

_ Riley wasn’t exactly in a great frame of mind, either _ , Cai thought a little sadly as she watched her friend take notes rather than doing so herself. The other girl had spent most of the summer trying to console the redhead, attempting to get over the events of the previous year. Really, Cairo didn’t understand why it mattered so much to her. Things like this always had, though. From as long as Cairo had known the other girl, she'd had a tenancy to take on more than she bargained for. Riley was always insisting that she could handle everything anyone gave her. She was on the honor roll, she was the girl everyone wanted to babysit their kids, she was captain of the cheer team. Cairo couldn't begin to imagine what her college resume looked like. It was so... much, sometimes. Cairo knew that the stress often got the better of the redhead, but she was quite possibly the only one who did. That was what frustrated her about the rest of the squad. Riley always gave it her all, always tried her best, and none of them could even be bothered to show up sober half the time. 

_ You don't need them, Riley. _ Cairo felt like screaming sometimes. _The Tigers don't matter._ _You don't need a successful team to be good enough. You just are..._

That was the thing about your best friends, though. If something mattered to them, it mattered to you. And so, Cairo stayed on the Tigers. She always had. Riley never had to know (other than her jokes and occasional quips) that she wasn’t fond of cheerleading. It wasn’t that important, really, if she didn’t like it. Riley was what was important. She’d always been. And if Riley wanted to have the best team the school had ever seen, then Cairo would help her see it through. 

_ Or possibly _ , the girl rolled her eyes again as she watched the redhead gulp down what had to have been at least another two shots of espresso,  _ just make sure she stayed alive _ . 

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


**Group Message:** **skater bois**

_ 10:09 A.M. on Friday, August 22nd. _

_ Kate Dalton is now online. _

_ Kate Dalton has added Eva Sanchez and one other to the chat.  _

_ Kate Dalton has changed their username to  _ **_‘kate’._ **

**kate:** hey it’s the girls who totally did not hit you with a skateboard yesterday 

**kate:** anyway 

**kate** : chess is in class and actually pays attention sometimes so it was up to me to start this 

**kate:** anyway cool that’s it for now i think 

_ Eva Sanchez is now online. _

**Eva Sanchez:** Oh hey! Tbh I definitely didn’t expect to hear from you guys, but I’m glad to! 

**Eva Sanchez:** I promise I’m not mad about the skateboard thing tho lol! 

**kate:** dw we just liked your vibes 

**kate:** or well i do. chess likes everyone tho so the statement stands

**kate:** besides i’m fairly sure our captain would kill to get you on our team so i figured you could meet the best members of the tigers first

**kate:** which would be us 

**Eva Sanchez:** Loll I figured from context

**Eva Sanchez:** Is your captain, um… that focused on cheering? I mean, I’m flattered… I think, but…? 

**kate:** riley is focused on nothing but cheering 

**kate:** i think she would bleed confetti if you stabbed 

**kate:** if chess was here she’d say that riley’s just enthusiastic but 

**kate:** this is what happens when you actually focus like a nerd smh 

**kate:** seniors. 

**Eva Sanchez:** Oh? Are you guys not in the same grade? Sorry, I assumed that was how you two knew each other. 

**kate:** no, chess is older. i’m a junior. we went when we were kids in gymnastics. 

**Eva Sanchez:** Ooooh, I see. That’s cool! 

**Eva Sanchez:** I’m a junior, too! 

**kate:** really? wait, but aren’t you west high’s cheer captain? 

**Eva Sanchez:** Yep

**kate:** okay i’m impressed. and potentially considering a transfer if you’re less crazy than our captain

_ Eva Sanchez has laughed at a message at 10:16 A.M.  _

**Eva Sanchez:** While I’d love to have nicer people on the team, I would strongly recommend not transferring for that lol! 

**Eva Sanchez:** Your school seems cooler, anyway. It’s got a really good science program! 

**kate:** don’t tell me your a stem kid too 

**kate:** this chat will explode when checkers gets back 

**Eva Sanchez:** Wait, she likes science too?? Lol that’s awesome! 

**kate:** oh my god 

**kate:** ur both nerds. i hate it here. goodbye

**kate:** this was fun while it lasted, sanchez

_ Eva Sanchez has laughed at a message at 10:18 A.M.  _

**kate:** don’t you dare laugh at that 

**Eva Sanchez:** I love that you used my last name there… How did you even know it before now lol?

**kate:** that’s also on riley 

**kate:** sometimes she pulls up your profile during practice

**kate:** besides it was for dramatic effect

_ Chess is now online. _

**Chess:** Kate we’ve talked about this

**Chess:** Just because you’re good at English doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay attention

**Chess:** Turn your phone off or I’m not taking you to get food before practice, missy

**Chess:** Hi Eva! ^-^

**kate:** wow that was a mood change right there 

**kate:** i see how it is 

**kate:** science kids…

**Chess:** Kate! Class!!

**kate:** FINE. i’m going, i’m going

**kate:** i’m not happy about this though

_ Chess has laughed at a message at 10:21 A.M.  _

**Chess:** Since when are you happy about anything, Kate? LOL

**kate:** touche

**kate:** okay i’m going now. but i better get starbucks before practice for this. goodbye traitor. 

**kate:** bye eva. don’t let her nerd out on you

_ kate is now offline. _

**Chess:** Bye Kate~ 

**Chess:** Sorry about that, Eva! Haha… she’s not great at the whole focusing in class thing. Comes with being naturally gifted at everything, I think LOL

**Eva Sanchez:** No worries, lol! That must be nice haha

**Chess:** Right?? Although it does make her ego unbearable sometimes XD

**Eva Sanchez:** Lmao I’ll take your word for it! 

**Eva Sanchez:** You guys have such a cute dynamic ngl. How long have you guys known each other? 

**Chess:** Oh gosh, it’s been years now… I think we met in gymnastics when we were like six or seven. We were on the same team for a while. 

**Eva Sanchez:** WAIT is that where I know you from?? I knew I recognized you from the tigers but I felt like I’d seen you before

**Eva Sanchez:** Fuck, wait, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean like I’m only asking about fame or something. I just remember following you a few years back. I thought you were like the coolest! My sister and I used to watch all your performances and practice our stunts along with them hahaa

**Eva Sanchez:** …. which… sounds kind of creepy now that I think about it. Shit-

_ Chess has loved a message at 10:26 A.M. _

**Chess:** It doesn’t sound creepy, haha! I’m actually super flattered… 

**Eva Sanchez:** Oh thank god

**Eva Sanchez:** … Um, I know you probably get people telling you that they’re sorry all the time, but I am, I mean. Not that you couldn’t go exactly, but just… um, I guess I just know how it is to work so hard at something and have it taken away, you know? 

**Eva Sanchez:** Fuck, I’m not good at this. I’m really sorry if I overstepped a boundary or anything! 

**Chess:** No, you’re fine…! 

**Chess:** I’m, um… sorry. Just, that’s really sweet of you to say, Eva. Thank you, it means… a lot. Really…!

**Eva Sanchez:** Of course! : ) 

**Chess:** Hey, I know this is short notice, but did you want to come get coffee with Kate and I after school today? 

**Chess:** It’s totally cool if you can’t, though! I know West High isn’t super close to GC and you might be busy or something 

**Chess:** So no worries or anything, I’d totally get it!! 

**Eva Sanchez:** That would be great, actually! I’d love that…! Today’s actually my day off, weirdly, so it would be nice to go somewhere that isn’t school or work! : )

**Chess:** Awesome!! I’m sure Kate will see this after this class, but I’ll tell her in case her phone’s died scrolling through tumblr or something. We have practice at 4 and Riley’s crazy about not being late, but she’d probably lose her mind if you wanted to hang out for longer and come! 

**Eva Sanchez:** Really?? Your team wouldn’t mind?? 

**Chess:** Honestly, I think it would probably make Riley’s year… if you haven’t met her yet, she’s, um… energetic? She’s a good captain, but she can be a little… enthusiastic sometimes LOL!

**Eva Sanchez:** Well now I’m curious haha

**Eva Sanchez:** I think I should be able to stay as long as my mom’s not working a double shift tonight! 

**Eva Sanchez:** I’ll ask her. But coffee sounds great! Did you guys want me to meet you at the one by GC? 

**Chess:** Yep! We’ll meet you there! 

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


There were a lot of things that Farrah hated at the current moment. 

She hated the noise of the bell, the annoying sound it made as it let everyone out for the day. She hated the pushing of the students as everyone shoved to escape from this hell hole. She hated the way her head pounded and how it felt like her heart was beating inside her skull, demanding something to take the pain away. 

More than anything, though, Farrah hated Annleigh’s stupid boyfriend and his stupid minivan and he was always disgustingly, annoyingly on time. 

Ugh. 

She needed a drink. 

Farrah adjusted her bag’s strap on her shoulder as she eyed the golden vehicle, hoping that he might not be sitting there. Seniors had a free period at the end of the day if their grades were high enough, and the sophomore was pretty sure Clark was doing fine. He didn’t have to be waiting here for her and her sister, that was for sure. 

It was just another infuriating thing about the blond. Clark always waited, even if he never had to. Annleigh wasn’t even going home before practice today. She’d grabbed Farrah during lunch period to tell her that she’d be busy making audition posters for Chorus for Christ. The younger girl had to work hard to keep her eyes from rolling. Annleigh and her stupid a capella group that the school let her have. That was another thing she hated. Who would want to join a cult like that? Why did the school even have it in the first place? 

_ Probably because she wouldn’t shut up about it otherwise,  _ the dark-haired thought bitterly, trudging as slowly as possible towards the parked car. 

Farrah had been hoping that she could walk home, for once. The O’Daniel house wasn’t very far away. She’d walked a lot farther before her father had married Annleigh’s and she attended Giles Corey, after all. But Mrs. O’Daniel was paranoid about someone kidnapping her. Farrah rolled her eyes. It was nothing new. Her step-mother was always paranoid about something. Farrah might not have cared if it didn’t always feel a little bit like distrust. They never seemed worried about Annleigh getting taken. It was only Farrah, Farrah, Farrah. Farrah, who made all the mistakes and caused all the problems. Farrah, who came home drunk and shaking from every party, hoping they’d finally just scream at her instead of ignoring it, only for the problem to be given to Annleigh instead. 

Farrah hated that the most, but she’d never admit it. If she had to be a problem, then the sophomore at least wanted to be her own father’s problem. She didn’t want to be shoved aside for a girl only eleven months her senior to fix. 

(She didn’t hate Annleigh as much as she wanted to. She wished she did.) 

Unfortunately, there didn’t seem to be any chance of her walking home today. As soon as her feet touched the parking lot’s asphalt, she could see Clark in the front seat of his car. He was on his phone (probably sending strings of heart emojis to her sister or something), but he looked up after a few moments. Seeing Farrah, he gave a bright wave and beckoned. You know, because she couldn’t have found the car or anything if he didn’t point her in the right direction or whatever. 

God. This day had sucked. 

The dark-haired girl hadn’t slept at all the night before. School wasn’t something Farrah particularly enjoyed. It wasn’t that she wasn’t good at it, exactly. Most things came pretty easy to her if she bothered to pay attention to them. She knew that it made Annleigh upset, sometimes. Her sister had always been the kind of girl to give 110% and

“Hey!” Clark greeted her brightly as she slid into the passenger seat of his car. It felt weird to be so close to him. Usually, Farrah sat at the very back, pointedly avoiding whatever he and her sister were discussing. It never worked, though, because they always attempted to get her to converse anyway. Well, Clark did, at least. Why did he always have to be so goddamn… nice all the time? Real people weren’t that nice. Real people yelled and screamed at you, or they talked behind your back and ruined your life. Farrah much preferred the first if she was being honest, but life had taught her that the second was what most everyone tended to favor.

She was convinced Clark and Annleigh did too. His texts from the night before didn’t do anything to comfort her. Letting her guard down just meant more of an opportunity for someone to tear you apart when you least expected.

Farrah had been to enough parties to know what it felt like when someone tried to take advantage of you. 

The blond hadn’t been deterred by the girl’s lack of an answer. “How was your second first day of sophomore year?” He asked brightly, slipping his key into the ignition and adjusting his mirrors. Clark did this every time he started the car. It drove the younger girl crazy. It wasn’t like rear view mirrors moved. She knew from her Driver’s ED course that her father was making her take online that it was something you were supposed to do, but Farrah had been positive no one did.

No one except Mr. Perfect, at least. 

“It was fine.” The sophomore tried to pack as much disinterest into her voice as she possibly could in the hopes he’d get the memo. He never did, but that didn’t stop her from trying. Farrah, out of habit, distrusted people who kept attempting to be your friend. People were supposed to go away. People were supposed to leave her alone. That’s what she wanted, in the end. 

(If she beat them to the trigger, then it wouldn’t hurt so much. If she left them before they left her, it wouldn’t make her heart break like it had in the past.) 

(If they stayed, they’d just get bored of her like everyone else had. She couldn’t handle that again.)

(If it came down to hurting and being hurt, let Farrah choose the first option. She’d rather drive everyone else away then have to watch them leave them behind.) 

The girl was only human, after all. 

Clark didn’t stop trying. He never did. “That’s good! What classes do you have this year? Annleigh said you were taking art as your elective, right? That’s pretty cool!” He started to pull out of the parking spot, after checking both his and Farrah’s seatbelt to make sure they’d buckled in. God, he was such a dad… it would have almost been funny if the sophomore hadn’t been trying so hard not to like him. 

“Yeah. Art.” The girl dug her phone out of her bag, opening it and scrolling to any app at random. It didn’t matter which. All she needed to do was pick one and look busy. Instagram was the closest, so she scrolled through the page of people she didn’t care about to send Clark the most obvious ‘I do not want to talk to you’ vibe she could manage. 

“That’s cool, that’s cool!” Clark repeated, flicking his turn signal on and waiting for another car to pass before leaving the school lot. “What kind of art do you like to do? Annie didn’t say.” 

_ Annie didn’t say because I didn’t tell her about it. I also didn’t tell her to tell you. _ Farrah had to work hard not to roll her eyes. (She wasn’t exactly sure what stopped her from doing it, though. Wouldn’t it have helped her point? But the thought of hurting Clark’s feelings… didn’t exactly sit right either.) 

Whatever. It wasn’t like he was going to stop, so she turned off her phone. “I like watercolors.” She answered dryly, shifting her gaze to look out the window. They were entering the neighborhood where both she and Clark lived. That was another thing about his and her sister’s relationship she hated. It was like a literal boy-next-door story. The blonde lived about four houses down and on the other side of the street. 

Clark flashed her a bright smile, keeping his eyes on the road. “Oh, really? That’s cool! I’ve always liked looking at watercolor paintings… they always seem nice and peaceful.” 

Why did he try so hard? It didn’t even feel forced, either. She’d never met anyone who could converse so easily. Then again, he’d been dating her sister for, what? Six years now? Having to converse that often with Annleigh and whatever brainwave she was on at any given moment would probably improve your social skills. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Farrah shrugged, unwilling to take a side either way. She opened her car door as soon as Clark’s minivan pulled into her driveway. “Bye.” 

“I’ll see you in an hour to take you back to practice!” Clark waved again, before heading to his own home. God. This was her own personal hell, really, being surrounded by people who were too nice to stop dealing with her. Farrah could never tell why the boy always put up with her. Probably to get credit in her sister’s books, but he always ended up being nicer to her than Annleigh. Ugh. It just made no sense. 

Whatever. She had an hour before she had to leave again for practice, and she was not going to waste it. Pulling out her keys from her backpack, Farrah unlocked the front door and let herself in. Walking up the stairs to her room, she dumped her backpack by the door and collapsed on her bed. It was so soft and warm in here… the girl wished she could just fall asleep and end the rest of the day. It would be so easy, and it was nice and quiet in the house when no one else was home for once. But Annleigh would have a fit if she skipped the first practice. So would Riley. And then Kate would probably get all smug, like an ‘I told you so’ that her friend was doing better than Farrah was. Which, for the record, wasn’t true. Chess was probably still high now. Farrah hadn’t been drunk since last weekend. 

So she had to go. 

(If only to avoid giving anyone, anyone a chance to talk behind her back.)

It was a new year, Riley had said today in the group chat. Like that made it different. Like that made it better or anything. It was a new year, but they were the same team. Well, save for that poor freshman who probably had no idea what she was about to walk into. Farrah almost (almost) felt bad for the newbie. She’d been there last year, although that had been before the Tigers had gone viral. They had still be shit, of course, but at least only their school knew it. Now everyone did. 

(Now everyone knows what a failure you are.)

_ New year,  _ Farrah thought bitterly as she began to change out of her school clothes and into exercise gear,  _ same shit as always.  _

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


**Group Message:** **🐯 Go Tigers! GCHS Cheer Group Chat!! 🐯**

_ 2:57 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd. _

_ Five out of eight members are currently online. _

_ Mattie Wheeler is now online. _

**Mattie Wheeler:** Um, so sorry to be annoying but just checking in case! Practice starts at 4, right? 

**rarariley:** Yep!!  **🐯**

**rarariley:** Please remember to be on time and make sure to be changed and ready to warm up! Gooooo Tigers!!!

**Mattie Wheeler:** Okay! I will…!

**Mattie Wheeler:** Um, sorry again… but also, do you think anyone would be able to take me home after practice? I promise I wouldn’t ask but my mom’s working an extra shift at the hospital and my dad’s on a trip… I’m really sorry!

**Mattie Wheeler:** I only live a few minutes from school, but my parents don’t want me walking home in the dark... 

**senior-spirit:** !! I can take you home, Mattie! I don’t mind :)))

**Mattie Wheeler:** Oh, thank you so much!! I really appreciate it! 

**senior-spirit:** Ofc! That’s what the squads for!!!

**prom_princess:** says the mascot

**rarariley:** Cai. 

**rarariley:** The mascot is still a valid and important member of this squad!! Reese, thank you for offering! Tigers have each other's backs, right guys???

**satan 4:20:** yeah

**satan 4:20:** n then they drop u and give u a concussion

**satan 4:20:** lmaooo go tigers amirite? XD

**rarariley:** Okay, let’s not bring up that! Farrah, I know last year we had our challenges, but this is a new year and a new team! I think we’re going to have a great year! 

_ checkmate is now offline. _

**satan 4:20:** she just runs away, huh?

**satan 4:20:** god

**satan 4:20:** btw im not doing any stunts this year if shes still a base

**prom_princess:** u just live to start shit dont u farrah

**satan 4:20:** like ur any better

**rarariley:** Okaayyyy! 

**rarariley:** Clearly we’re all under a lot of stress right now, so, um, let’s just talk about this at practice, okay? 4 o’clock sharp. See you all there!!

_ rarariley is now offline. _

**satan 4:20:** whatever

_ satan 4:20 is now offline. _

**senior-spirit:** You look away for five minutes huh,,, haha… Well, see you at practice, everyone!!

**Mattie Wheeler:** Um… is that kind of thing… normal? 

**prom_princess:** for this team? p much

**senior-spirit:** !! don’t worry though, Mattie! You get used to it! 

**senior-spirit:** … well, kinda!

**Mattie Wheeler:** Oh… um… great? 

**prom_princess:** lmao thats the spirit kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *pats Cairo and Farrah like a used car salesman* These babies can fit so much repressed emotion in there, huh? 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! I really appreciate everyone's support, it's been so nice to see that people enjoy this funky little AU. We are all wanting a world where everything is going... well, not great, but as okay as possible! And getting better! 
> 
> Next chapter will be the first cheer practice and I know we'll have a Reese POV for sure (because I've already written it haha, whoops) and hopefully one from Clark, and also we'll have Kate losing her god damn mind in a starbucks too because gay rights. Anyway, I'm hoping to get that out... by tomorrow... maybe... but we'll see...
> 
> Anyway, thanks so much again for reading! Make sure to drink some water and get some rest if you can, and have a good night / day! 
> 
> ~ Paige <3 
> 
> (As always, you're welcome to come vibe with me on tumblr @moxy-by-proxy !)


	4. 004. An Unfortunate Lack of Pumpkin Spice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you ignore absolutely everything about Annleigh's POV, this is a happy chapter! Otherwise, uh......................................... this is a chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a fic I created to write about a Tigers Group Chat, I am sure not using the Tigers Group Chat very much, huh? What a time. 
> 
> TW: Kate starts to panic when during her POV and she gets overwhelmed for a brief moments because she's not sure what's going to happen, but it's not super in depth! Annleigh's POV is more specific and I based on something I do (projecting? me? in my fanfic? more likely than you'd think). It has a description of being injured very minorly (she just scrapes herself) and not noticing it, which sets off a sensory overload situation that Annleigh tries to ignore and justify mentally. The best way to avoid it would be to skip her memories in the flashbacks, since that's where it goes into detail! I'll put a short summary at the end for anyone who did, so you can stay safe and still get all the content! <3

**Direct Message:** **clark~! @ 💍annie💖**

_3:01 P.M. on Thursday, August 21st._

**clark~!:** hi, love! i hope everything’s going well at chorus practice! just wanted to let you know i dropped farrah off for a bit, but i’ll bring her back in about an hour for your guys’s practice. love you! ❤️

**💍annie💖:** 😭😭 I don’t deserve you! Thank you so much!!! 

**💍annie💖:** Was Farrah okay?? I told her at lunch to be nice… but she never listens. 

**clark~!:** she was fine! i think she’s nervous about practice, though… 

**💍annie💖:** Really??? Did she say something?????? That’s weird. She was never nervous about anything before. Nervous like she’d done something wrong???? 

**clark~!:** noooo, not like that at all! she didn’t say anything. i just thought she might have been stressed, you know? it’s been a long time since she’s actually been cleared to practice after her injury, right? 

**💍annie💖:** Oh shoot… I didn’t even think about that! I should have… oh, I don’t know. Gosh, I feel awful. I didn’t even think she might still be working through some things. 

**💍annie💖:** She’s right… I really am a pretty terrible sister...

**clark~!:** don’t be so hard on yourself, love! farrah loves you! she just is having a rough patch. just try to be there for her, as much as she’ll allow. make sure that she knows that she at least has you and i on her side if she wants to start recovering. 

**💍annie💖:** You really are the best, you know that, right?? 🥺💕

**clark~!:** haha… you may have mentioned it once or twice ;^)) but really, it’s nothing you wouldn’t do for me! now go make some posters! 

**💍annie💖:** Okay!! See you after practice! Love you! 

**clark~!:** love you too! ❤️

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


The butterflies in Kate Dalton’s stomach had absolutely nothing to do with her feelings at the current moment. She was sure of that. It was simply a lack of caffeine and sugar that would easily be cured by a latte. 

Nothing more than that. 

(So, you know. Shut up about it, already! Whatever. It was nothing.) 

Chess was waiting at her car by the time Kate’s last class had finally let out. The perks of being a senior, right? While the rest of them had to suffer through an extra study hall period, anyone in her friend’s class with passing grades could sign themselves out of the last class. Of course, with cheer practice only an hour or so after school let out, it wasn’t super practical for Chess to do anything with that time. She’d told the younger girl yesterday that she’d just sat in the car and done homework until Kate had also been released. 

_“You know, this wouldn’t happen if you would just drive…” Her friend had rolled her eyes in the mirror as she’d switched lanes on the road. “I could actually, you know, leave for once~!” She teased._

_It was a running joke between them that Chess was always the personal chauffeur. It had been this way since the older girl had gotten her license last year. “Hey!” Kate protested weakly, knowing this was an argument she couldn’t (or perhaps didn’t want) to win. “I have my permit.”_

_“It expired last month.” Well… “And you didn’t even sit behind the wheel once even when it was good!”_

‘Arguments’ like this were common. Chess was one of those crazy people who enjoyed driving. She said it calmed her down. Honestly, Kate couldn’t remember a time when she’d seen her friend anything other than calm… although, she knew enough about Chess to know that must have been an act. And last year— 

…

But Kate didn’t want to think about that. Nothing good came from living in the past. It was this year, and it was better. It was going to be better. 

Last night, on the other hand… 

_“Maybe we should… you know… actually talk about what we want to be when it’s not one in the morning, you know?” Kate had joked, her head spinning._

_“Yes!” Chess’s voice, telling Kate that she liked her back. Not just as a friend… and she’d been happy, too. It had been the closest to normal she’d sounded since the accident. “Yes… I mean. I’d really like that. Really.”_

If Kate could have, she would have frozen the moment forever. Hearing Chess like that, the way she hadn’t sounded in so long… it had almost been better than finding out her feelings were quite possibly reciprocated. 

Almost. 

It had all felt so unreal that she wasn’t sure that she hadn’t fallen asleep. After she’d hung up the phone, Kate had reread Chess’s confession text over and over again just to be sure she hadn’t imagined it. Even when she woke up this morning, she’d launched herself out of bed and to her phone as fast as she possibly could, fearing that it would be gone. 

It was a blessing and a curse that Kate and her best friend only shared a similar schedule on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Her mother had driven her to school, for once, which the junior had been grateful for. She wasn’t exactly a morning person. All seniors had been required to attend a college readiness workshop during lunch today, so Kate hadn’t seen Chess all day. Now, as she approached the familiar silver vehicle, she felt her heart flip flop in her chest. 

_Calm down,_ Kate was an expert at vibe checking herself at this point. (She was the only person she respected enough to do so.) _It’s just Chess._

Her heart didn’t seem to be listening. 

She slid into the passenger seat like she always did, without knocking or signaling to the older girl she was coming. The dark blonde looked up from her planner where she’d been planning out the upcoming week. At the site of her friend, the girl’s face broke into a smile. It was almost the same as always, except there was something… a little different. A new sort of different than they’d had been. 

“Hey...!” If Chess was nervous, she was doing a better job of hiding it than Kate was. The junior was convinced you could hear her heart hammering in her chest. “Ready for coffee?” 

The dark-haired girl tried to relax. _Calm down. There'll be plenty of time to talk about whatever’s going to happen after whatever… this is._ Honestly, Kate wasn’t really sure what was going on with Eva, either. It had been spur of the moment to text her, and she hadn’t exactly expected Chess to invite her to coffee that day. The senior wasn’t exactly known for branching out in her friend group, though, so Kate decided to trust her judgement on this one. Still, the thought of Eva was also adding to the pounding in her chest. 

_Pull it together, Dalton. You can’t have a breakdown here._

“Like you’re going to get coffee.” Kate rolled her eyes as she leaned back in the seat, teasing the other girl. She tried to relax as she did so, listening as the car filled with her friend’s laughter. It was going to be fine. No matter what happened, the two of them were going to be okay. 

They always were. 

Giles Corey was lucky to have a Starbucks only about a block away from them. There were actually several smaller cafés around the high school which the two girls usually prefered, but they would have been harder for Eva to find. It was really all the same to Kate as long as she got sugar in her system. Chess rarely got anything but water or juice, anyway, crazy as she was about staying hydrated. 

“You think she’s here?” Kate asked as the other person parked the car, looking around for a vehicle that might have matched Eva’s aesthetic. “West High gets out earlier than we do, doesn’t it?” 

On the driver’s side, Chess nodded as she unbuckled her seat belt. “Only a few minutes earlier, though. We can give it a bit and then go in. See if we see her, you know.” 

“Cool…” She was relieved to hear that her voice was the same noncommittal tone as always. Her aura of general disinterest remained, even if her heart seemed to be auditioning for an acrobatics class. Kate’s leg shook restlessly as it always did when she was nervous. _Not_ nervous, though. Because she wasn’t. She was totally fine. This was just a totally average visit to Starbucks with your maybe-soon-to-be-something-more-than friend to see a new girl you and she had accidentally attacked with a skateboard. 

And there was nothing strange about it! 

There was a soft tap on her leg that made her look up. Chess was nudging her, smiling softly. “You’re shaking the car, again…” Her voice was playful, but there was a hint of concern in her gaze. “You okay…?” 

Lying usually came easily to Kate. Lying to Chess was something else. “Um… it’s just… if we have the time,” _If Eva gets here before this is over, I’m gonna lose it._ “You know… b-before she gets here… can we… talk...?” She trailed off, not exactly knowing what to say. There were so many words to be said, but she couldn’t seem to find any of them. 

“Oh—” The gymnast’s eyes widened a bit, but she didn’t pull away. “Sure, um… you mean about last night, right…?” 

Kate nodded as she tried to focus on her breathing. If she had a panic attack before practice and her makeup smudged, Cairo would never let her live it down. _It’s just Chess. She’s not going to be mad at you. Calm down, calm down, calm down._ The girl closed her eyes, not wanting to be overwhelmed by everything surrounding her. 

“Hey, hey…” The older girl squeezed her hand. It was a blessing how much her friend had been through with her, though. This was far from Chess’s first experience with the junior’s anxiety. “It’s okay, alright? No matter what happens, we’re gonna be fine. Promise.” Kate didn’t open her eyes, trying to imagine her friend’s face without looking at her. She could conjure up her soft, brown eyes and the way the older girl always looked at her. 

Kate sucked in a breath and then nodded. They were going to be fine. Chess wouldn’t lie, not to her. ( _But she has before._ **Shut up** _._ ) 

“Sorry…” She opened her eyes, trying for a smile. “I don’t… I mean. Fuck, this wasn’t how I wanted to start this.” The dark-haired girl laughed, although there wasn’t much humor in it. “I… for as long as I’d been thinking this moment, you’d think I would have planned it out better, right?” 

The senior chuckled, sending Kate’s heart into another handstand. She hadn’t removed her hand from the younger girl’s. “Me too, honestly…” Chess said with a smile. “I didn’t really think… I mean,” The nervousness was back, filling the car with an almost electric buzz. “I didn’t really think it would… happen, you know?” 

Kate raised an eyebrow, but a smile was playing around the corners of her lips. “ _You_ didn’t think this would happen, huh?” 

The junior could probably count the amount of times on one hand that she’d ever actually succeeded in making Chess flustered. Perhaps it was tribute for how long the two of them had known each other, really. Kate tended to be the emotional one, not that she would ever admit it. So what. Chess was calmer, more laid back in public. 

(Of course, the last year or so had made Kate understand just how much her friend hid at times, unwilling to let her facade drop. Even her best friend wasn’t supposed to see a side of her that wasn’t carefully crafted. In a way, Kate occasionally envied Riley and Cairo’s friendship. It wasn’t as if it was better by any means… but they had a way of coexisting that no one else had access to. Parts of themselves that seemed to belong only to the other person. Kate and Chess had something special, but there had always been a line they were afraid to cross. Feelings became muddled. Kate had always been afraid of letting Chess know the way she felt about her. Had felt about her, in fact, for almost as long as she could remember.) 

But now… 

Chess hadn’t moved back from when she’d leaned over before, her hand still resting gently on Kate’s own. She was so close that Kate knew she could easily lean forward and close the gap between the two of them. But should she? Was that how this worked? The girl closed her eyes again without realizing it. Kate wasn’t exactly a relationship expert (despite what she’d claimed in text yesterday). It seemed like something they might do in those stupid romantic comedies her sister liked so much. Then again, they hadn’t actually talked yet. What if Chess had decided that she actually didn’t like Kate in that way? What if this was still just another elaborate situation Kate had made up in her head? What if the older girl had meant it as a friend? Oh god, oh god, oh— 

“Kate…” Her friend’s soft voice interrupted her spiraling thoughts. “Look at me, okay?” 

Had she not been? Oh god, okay… okay… she could do this. The dark-haired girl opened her eyes. “Okay...” 

“I know we should talk about this. And figure it out. I promise we will. But I think we might need more than the five minutes before Eva shows up to do that…” Her voice was the same mixture of calming and humor as always. Kate tried to breathe to the same rhythm as she was, in and out. In and out. “I promise it’s going to happen soon, though.” 

A smirk crept up on Chess’s face, an expression that seemed much more likely to be worn by Kate at any given time. It almost made her look mischievous. Or it would have, if her bright pink flush hadn’t been quite so endearing. “Or, at least… I would sure like it to happen soon, you know? Because I’ve been waiting a pretty long time to kiss you at this point, and I am so over this whole ‘patience is a virtue phase’...” 

Was… was Chess… had she…? Was that a fucking pickup line? 

Oh my _god—_

If she needed something to focus on other than her anxiety, that did the trick. Kate had to stop herself from bursting into laughter. The sound that did escape her mouth was a mixture of a gasp and a snort which, combined with her current shortness of breath, was not a particularly attractive sound. 

“Checkers,” The junior said incredulously. “Are you seriously trying to flirt with me right now?!” 

Chess joined in laughing, withdrawing her hand as she took the keys out of the ignition. They’d killed enough time that Eva was probably waiting for them. “I might have been trying… just a little bit…” It was cute to watch the normally unflappable gymnast so openly flustered. Kate couldn’t remember ever seeing her this red. “Why? Was it working?” She asked, eyes shining. 

The younger girl winked, still grinning, before opening the car door and hopping out. They couldn’t keep West High’s flier waiting. She crossed around the front of the car to open Chess’s door for her. 

“It was probably the worst pick up line I’ve ever heard.” Kate held out her hand to help her out. “Tell it to me again.” 

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


**Direct Message:** **♡ Cai ♡ @ riley🎀✨**

_3:15 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

**♡ Cai ♡:** what do you want from the smoothie place? 

**riley🎀✨:** Cai!! 

**riley🎀✨:** What are you doing??? We have practice in 45 minutes!!! 

**riley🎀✨:** You didn’t forget, did you?? 

**♡ Cai ♡:** ofc i didnt forget 

**♡ Cai ♡:** i knew u werent going to go home before school 

**♡ Cai ♡:** and u were too busy fantasizing about everything that could go wrong today to eat enough lunch 

**♡ Cai ♡:** so im bringing u smth to eat so u dont collapse or whtevr 

**♡ Cai ♡:** did u want what u usually get? 

**riley🎀✨:** Cai… 

**riley🎀✨:** I… you really don’t have to do that, you know? I’m fine, I promise! 

**riley🎀✨:** Thank you, though… I appreciate the offer. Really…! I’m really sorry I assumed you forgot… 

**♡ Cai ♡:** ty thats cool and all but i was asking for ur order not ur permission

**♡ Cai ♡:** this is a non optional smoothie. what’s that u always say about being hydrated again? 

**riley🎀✨:** … 

**riley🎀✨:** … hydrate or die-drate … 

**♡ Cai ♡:** yeah 

**♡ Cai ♡:** and if u die i have to take over the team as the tigers cocaptain and honestly? i dont want that. no one wants that 

**riley🎀✨:** Cai… 

**riley🎀✨:** Thank you… you’re the best, you know that, right? 

**♡ Cai ♡:** im aware

**riley🎀✨:** I’ll just take my usual then, thank you so much!! 

**♡ Cai ♡:** cool

**♡ Cai ♡:** i actually ordered both mine and urs 10 mins ago

**♡ Cai ♡:** i was just really more letting u know what was coming 

**riley🎀✨:** Cai!!!!!!! 

**♡ Cai ♡:** heading back to gc now. see u @ practice 

**riley🎀✨:** See you there! Drive safe, please!! 

**♡ Cai ♡:** only for u

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


Lying wasn’t something that came naturally to Annleigh O’Daniel. 

There were several passages in the Bible that forbid the action. If asked, the brunette could recite several from memory (an old habit learned in Sunday school that had been drilled into her since she was a child). 

Proverbs 12:22. _The Lord detests lying lips, but He delights in people who are trustworthy._ Psalm 101:7. _No one who practices deceit shall dwell in my house; no one who utters lies shall continue before my eyes._ Exodus 20:16. _You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor._

The brunette knew all of these by heart, but sometimes, knowing the rules didn’t make it any easier to follow them. 

(And this lie was necessary. No one could know that she was once again having to ask for help. Not again.)

After Clark’s last reply, Annleigh hastily tucked her phone into its assigned pocket in her backpack. Everything in the girl’s life had an assigned spot. It was something that her father had taught her back when she was younger and just starting to have issues keeping things organized.

_“A place for everything and everything in its place! Right, Leia?”_

She remembered everything in vivid, overwhelming detail. Her father’s voice came back to her like it was yesterday, though she hadn’t heard it in years. If she closed her eyes, she knew that she’d see the scene unfold in vivid detail. Her father, tall, handsome, melting chocolate over the stove for the cupcakes they’d been making. They were always cupcakes, not cake, because Annleigh had hated cake as a child. It had been too sweet and sticky. Cupcakes were different, because her parents had told her they were. That happened quite a bit growing up. She’d been a difficult child, one with grand ideas and set opinions on absolutely everything. To convince her to do anything, her parents often had to invent some sort of elaborate lie. 

_Cupcakes were different from cake._ They weren’t. _Even if things looked like vegetables, they really weren’t._ They were. 

_If there’s no fighting, everything’s fine._ It wasn’t fine, though. 

(It had never been fine.) 

“Ms. O’Daniel?” 

There was a cough in front of her and Annleigh jolted back to reality. Her knuckles were curled, hands lying on top of her skirt. The chair beneath her was hard, a cold, plastic thing that wasn’t designed to be comfortable or sturdy. It was cheap. For as much as Giles Corey charged for tuition, they seemed to skimp on a lot of the basics. There were never enough chairs or desks in class, and the ones they did have were broken from use. In seventh grade, Annleigh had scraped herself on a piece of metal. It had bled, but she hadn’t noticed for a few minutes. It hadn’t hurt, really. A lot of things like that didn’t. Not at first. 

It had been Kate who’d noticed, actually. Back before she’d known her. Back before Kate had been The Kate and she’d just been another dark-haired girl that outshone Annleigh in English class. It wasn’t the first time she met her, of course. The two of them had been in the same class at the elementary version of Giles Corey and had moved through middle school together. 

Still. It had been the first time she’d seen Kate as a person and not just a score on an exam that was so much higher than one she could achieve.

_“Hey…” There was a tap on the back of Annleigh’s shoulder, light and fast. When the brunette turns around, Kate is holding her pencil. While she doesn’t look specifically concerned, there’s an odd sort of look on her face that typically seems reserved for that eighth grader she’s always hanging around. They’re supposed to be working quietly on their short stories that are due at the end of the week. Judging by a quick survey of Kate’s desk, she’s already finished with her own and seems to have vastly surpassed the page limit._

_Annleigh wants to shove the start of her own (because it’s just the start, she’s still at the start, because she can’t get the words to come out right when she writes them down. She knows, knows she’s supposed to be finished soon and that most people are done, but she can’t—) off her desk._

_Kate’s still staring._

_Annleigh shoves the paper behind her (just in case). “Did you need something?” She chirps. It’s important to always sound happy. Her mother taught her that. Her father taught her that. If you sound happy enough, no one knows when you’re lying to them._

_“Uh…” The shorter girl looks confused, as if she shouldn’t need to tell Annleigh why she poked her. “You know you’re bleeding, right?”_

_Bleeding? What? It takes her a second to process Kate’s words because they are so alien to her. Of course she would know when she was bleeding. What is this girl talking about?_

_But when Annleigh looks down, there’s a small cut in her arm. It’s a tiny thing, really, but it’s in a place where the veins are common. There’s blood running down it, like there has been for minutes, and she didn’t even notice. Now it’s there, it’s there and it’s too red, and she can’t stop staring and—_

_It doesn’t even hurt, but it’s there now. It’s just_ **_there_ ** _and Annleigh can’t stop shaking. Her eyes fill with liquid and she doesn’t even know why. It doesn’t hurt. She knows it doesn’t hurt, but… but… but…_

_Hands coax her to stand up, guiding her by the shoulders firmly but without force. She stumbles upwards, letting whoever is pushing her (is it Kate? It must be, right? No one else was looking, no one else had seen—) do so without much effort. As they make their way towards the door, she hears someone’s voice explaining that she’s taking her to the nurse._

_The nurse? It’s just a cut, right? It’s just a cut and it doesn’t even hurt. Why are they going to the nurse? Annleigh wants to ask this, but the words aren’t making sense in her head anymore, either. She can’t string them together properly. It’s never happened like this before. They look wrong on the paper a lot, but usually they’re okay in her head._

_She keeps walking until the hands on her shoulders pull her carefully onto a bench. Annleigh blinks as the scenery around her seems to change like a cut in a movie. When had they walked this far? And why were they here? She doesn’t know where the school nurse is, but the office wouldn’t be outside in the girl’s bathroom. That’s where she and the other girl are, though._

_… or, where the other girl was. She’s not… here, anymore. Annleigh looks around and it doesn’t take that long to find her. She’s coming out of the bathroom with a few paper towels clutched in her hand. There’s a moment of eye contact before she sits next to Annleigh._

_“Can I?” Kate asks, and it takes the taller girl a moment to realize she’s asking for permission to help. She nods, running her other hand across her eyes in a hope that the gymnast might not have seen the water in them. Though it’s not as if she has any sort of reputation to keep up. Neither of them are exactly popular among their classmates. It’s more that it feels strange to cry around her, if only because she doesn’t currently know how the other student would react to that._

_(Annleigh doesn’t think she wants to know. It’s too scary. Too much. She doesn’t want to think about Kate and her hands on her arms and why, why, why she knows what you’re supposed to do in panic attacks.)_

_This moment feels too personal. That’s what’s wrong with it. There’s not supposed to be a part of her that has these sorts of episodes (not at school). There’s not supposed to be a side to Kate who understands (not with her)._

_The smaller girl takes a band-aid out of her bag (which she must have brought, too. She thought to bring it with her. Annleigh never would have thought to bring it with her) and starts to unwrap it. The bandage she chose has little cat paws decorating it. The brunette hadn’t even been aware that Kate liked cats. She hadn’t known anything about her at all._

_The silence is starting to get overwhelming, so Annie decides to break it. “You keep bandages in your school backpack?” Her voice has lost its forced cheer, but the sentence makes sense. That’s all that matters._

_“Yeah. Good to have on hand, I guess.” Kate’s voice always sounds a little annoyed. She must have noticed it, because the next time she speaks, it seems softer. (Annleigh doesn’t like it. She’d rather Kate yell. She doesn’t want there to be a side of her that’s soft. Not around her. It feels too much like being coddled and her parents are not one for that.) “Besides. This way we didn’t have to go to the nurse. She’s kind of a bitch.”_

_Cursing is bad. Her mother would tell her it’s a sin. If this was class, Annleigh would probably say something of that sort. She has a reputation of being the religious kid. But right now, Kate’s language makes her want to laugh. “I’ve never met her.” Annleigh admits, not sure what else she’s supposed to say. She can’t call the nurse a bitch, though. “I don’t get hurt very much.”_

_Kate frowns for a moment as if she’s trying to figure out how best to phrase what she needs to say. “You didn’t notice this one. I watched you sit there for a couple minutes wondering when you’d realize, and you didn’t.” The girl puts the bandaid on and then scoots out of Annleigh’s personal space. Her legs swing a bit on the bench._

_“Thank you!” The brunette responds immediately. To the action and not her words, because she doesn’t want to wait for Kate to say anything else. She wants to shut the conversation down. Annleigh isn’t ready for more of this… of whatever this is. Kate isn’t her friend. She doesn’t need to be worried for her. With an easy gesture, she stands up from the bench. “And thanks for the help, too!” The cheer is back. It’s like flipping a switch. Annleigh is cheer. She’s whatever you’re supposed to see. “I appreciate it.” The girl starts walking back to class._

_“Wait—” And then Kate, the Kate (but she doesn’t know that yet), is grabbing her hand. It’s probably something she does out of habit more than anything else, or an attempt to avoid grabbing her injury. She doesn’t know. All Annie knows is that Kate’s holding her hand, and she doesn’t know why. She doesn’t know why the other girl is still here. “Look, Annleigh…” The dark-haired girl lets out a breath. “I know we’re not friends, but… I was worried, alright? Not just because you didn’t notice it, but because you started shaking and shit afterwards. It was like watching a TV screen turn off…”_

_Why is Kate asking? Why does Kate care? “So? I just was distracted, that’s all. It’s fine, Kate. Let go—” She pulls._

_“Annleigh, it’s not fine. I… Jesus Christ, it’s not! It scared me. I didn’t know if you were, like, okay. Is someone telling you to do this or something? Is there something wrong? Just… just how much of this… this thing you’re doing is fake…?”_

_The taller girl freezes. No, no, no._ **_No._ ** _“What do you mean, this thing? What are you talking about? If you’re trying to make fun of me too, you’re not very good at it.” She drops Kate’s hand, crossing her arms (so no one can reach her again)._

_Defense. Defense. Defense._

_“For fuck’s sake, Annleigh…!” Kate looks visibly upset now. Not angry, which is a surprise. The girl looked angry quite a lot from what she could remember. But right now she just seems emotional. The kind of look you might have when you watch a tragedy occur without being able to intervene. The taller girl takes a step backwards because this is wrong. This is all wrong. Why. Is. Kate. Asking? Why. Does. Kate. Care?! “I’m not saying it like that. I’m trying to tell you I’m worried about you for God’s sake.”_

_“Why?!” Annleigh hurls at the other girl, her voice just low enough that no one in a nearby classroom could hear. “What’s so worrying about it?!”_

_Out of all the reactions that she expected to happen, Kate flinching backwards from the loudness of her tone wasn’t one of them. It’s just another thing Annleigh knows she wasn’t supposed to see. None of this was supposed to happen. Kate is supposed to be tough, brave, unbreakable. Annleigh is supposed to be kind, bubbly, optimistic. If they craft their personas carefully, people will stop looking under them._

_“I just… I know what it’s like, okay? I can… I mean, I want to help.” Honestly, the taller girl isn’t sure if Kate even knows why she’s offering. There just seems to be something about her that’s fiercely protective. That’s how she always is with that eighth grader, too. You look at that girl wrong and you end up with a black eye courtesy of Dalton. “I know what you’re feeling. Or, well… well maybe not it exactly, but shit like that. I know things to help and… look, you don’t have to do this by yourself, okay? And if you… you understand, you know? It’s too hard and… Chess doesn’t get it... and I...”_

_She doesn’t need to finish her sentence to make it clear. Kate doesn’t want to be alone either._

_Perhaps she thinks Annleigh doesn’t have anyone to talk to at home about all her little problems and that she can help. From the way Kate flinched, Annleigh’s willing to bet that the dark-haired girl doesn’t have much of a support system. Of course she feels bad about that. Of course she never wanted to make her flinch._

_But they’re not the same. She refuses to be the same._

_(I’m not someone who needs protecting, Kate. I’m not someone you have to come save.)_

_There’s nothing wrong._

_(They said there’s nothing wrong.)_

_“I don’t need your help, Kate. I’m fine. Leave me alone.” Annleigh turns and marches back to the classroom. One foot after the other. She makes sure to look at her surroundings, to take everything in, to ignore the cut on her arm and how it’s starting to sting. The girl refuses to look at it, though, because then she’ll have to look at the bandaid covered in cat paws. It’s childish, really._

_(But for just a moment, Annleigh imagines going backwards. Kate’s still on the bench, staring at her back. If she went back now, perhaps it wouldn’t be too late to apologize. Annleigh hasn’t really ever had friends before, not in the way Kate and Chess know each other… but maybe she could learn…)_

_(For just a moment, she thinks about a life knowing Kate.)_

“Ms. O’Daniel?” 

_(And then she lets it go.)_

Hands. Chair. Voice. 

“Annleigh…?” The professor’s voice is quieter now, concerned. She hates it. It’s the same tone Kate had used, like Annleigh was some kind of frightened animal that hadn’t realized it was trapped yet. Or maybe they’re different, the tones. She doesn’t know anymore. All she knows is pity is something bad. It burrows underneath her skin and drives her crazy, and then she can’t get the thoughts out, and it’s bad—

_Kate doesn’t try to talk to her again, but for the rest of the year, Annleigh can feel the girl’s eyes on her. She doesn’t know what Kate’s watching her for, but she makes sure that nothing outside of what she wants people to see shows._

_Eventually, Kate stops watching._

_The next year, the two of them are in different classes. By the time they get to high school, the brunette is sure that the gymnast has forgotten about the whole thing._

_(Annleigh never does.)_

_In freshman year, she makes the cheer team. The older girls aren’t exactly nice to her, but there’s a popularity that comes with the position that she’s never had before. It’s nice, sometimes. It’s overwhelming. She has to work hard to focus on the cheers in places where it’s so loud. Sometimes, after games, she breaks down in Clark’s car on the way home. It’s just too much… and she hates crying in front of him, but he never seems to mind. He’s perfect, really. So Annleigh cheers, cries, and allows Clark to hold her in his arms until the too-bright colors fade and the noise is no longer unbearable._

_Kate and Chess join the team the year after she does. They keep to themselves, but she can tell that something has broken between them. Farrah’s there now, too, and so Annleigh has to wait until home to lose control, for Clark to climb up her window. After every game, the brunette sobs into her boyfriend’s arms. She listens to him tell her she doesn’t need to keep going through this. He’s worried about her and she knows, but that only makes her more determined to continue. Nothing motivates her like someone else’s concern. She can’t stand pity. She won’t take it._

_(And she can’t let Kate know that things haven’t fixed themselves. She can’t let her know anymore than she does already.)_

_(Sometimes, the dark-haired girl makes eye contact with her, but any warmness she saw that day is gone now. Dimly, Annleigh wonders if she caused her to break, too.)_

_But then Chess drops Farrah at competition, and all Annleigh can think is that at least everything was torn apart before she did it._

_At least it’s not her to blame for all of this._

The woman was seated only a few feet away from her, but she leaned forward. “Annleigh, are you alright? You look ill…” 

She can’t do this. Not here. Not now. She has to focus, because she wants the teacher to know how hard she’s working. Needs her to know. Annleigh needs her to understand what others don’t, that she’s not just the trust fund kid whose mother pays for her to scrape by. She needs to know that Annleigh’s not stupid (she’s not, she’s not—) and that she works hard. The teacher needs to know this, because if she doesn’t… 

… if she doesn’t… 

The brunette will fall behind again. Again, again, again. It’ll be the same as every year and she can’t keep doing it. She can’t keep watching everyone around her pass without effort, succeed without even trying, and feel like she’s rooted in place. Farrah shows up to school drunk more often than not and still averages at least ten percent higher on every exam. 

It isn’t fair. It’s never fair. 

“I’m sorry,” Annleigh flashed the brightest smile she could muster, hoping it's enough to distract from the dark circles around her eyes and how her breaths aren’t coming in an even rhythm. “I’m fine, Ms. Jenkins! I was just… um, thinking. About this year, you know?” 

Her teacher didn’t look entirely convinced, but she let it go. “I see… Ms. O’Daniel, I know you’re a hard worker. Frankly, I’ve had very few students who are as dedicated in my few years at Giles Corey. But…” 

The brunette smiled. “But I’m still not getting it, right?” It’s the same speech she gets every year. She’s heard it as far back as she can remember (and of course, she can remember that. Never can she recall anything she actually needs, but things like this are always so permanently lodged in her brain). 

“Well…” The woman, a middle-aged blonde with kind eyes, gave her a solemn look in response. “It’s not that you don’t get it, exactly…” This is the part where she tells Annleigh that she’s actually very smart, just not at school. The cheerleader’s heard that part of the talk before, too. She could give it herself by this point in her academic career. 

“It’s fine,” She assured the older woman, if only to save them both some time. Practice starts in a few minutes, anyway. Annleigh stood up and smoothed her skirt. Riley would be upset if she shows up in this and not exercise wear again. “I get it. I’m going to do better this year, though! I promise.” 

_(I don’t need your help, Kate. I’m fine. Leave me alone.)_

Mrs. Jenkins allowed her to leave, although the woman hadn’t looked too reassured. What does it matter to her, really? It’s not like it matters. It’s not like anything she does ever will, really. 

_(One foot after the other.)_

Annleigh just hoped practice would go quickly. The sooner the week was over, the better. 

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**New Voicemail:** **From Mattie Wheeler**

_3:24 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

_“Hi Mom! It’s me! Umm… I hope your shift is going well. I didn’t know if you were on your lunch break yet, but I must have missed you. Haha, clearly… um……. I was just calling to say that one of the girls on the team said that she’d give me a ride back home, so you don’t have to try to get Mrs. Richardson to do it! … oh, I forgot to ask her about what kind of car and stuff she has… but I’ll talk to her at practice and let you know. She seems really nice, though, in the chat… not like, I mean. Just, you know, I know you said you’d rather Mrs. Richardson do it, but I think Reese will be fine. Plus, it’ll be nice to make friends…”_

_“...”_

_“Anyway, I think that’s it! I can put Mickey and Mollie to bed after dinner, so don’t worry about having to do that when you get home. I’ll see you then. Hope the rest of the shift goes well! Bye, love you!”_

_Voicemail ended._ **_Play again?_ **

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


Honestly, Eva didn’t really like coffee shops. 

Well, that’s not fair. She didn’t mind little ones. There’s one across the street from the pizza parlor that she went to quite a bit, although she tried to avoid getting actual coffee before a shift. The flier tended to drink caffeine more than she probably should (the late nights of schoolwork and captain duty causing her to crash otherwise), but she had trouble sleeping if she had coffee any later than the morning. Honestly, she frequented the shop more to talk to the employees than anything else. 

It’s not that she hated where she worked. It was just… well, being the openly gay girl in a job with a lot of straight, closed-minded employees didn’t always make her life easy. Most of them were fine. Really, they were about the same as the people at West High. If they were homophobic, they were at least quiet about it. But there were a couple of them… 

Ugh. It was childish, really. The girl knew she shouldn’t let it get under her skin, but it was hard at times. The baristas at the coffee shop were nicer, although it struck Eva as sad they were close to being her only friends. 

Or, at least they were until yesterday, apparently. 

Eva fidgeted with her jacket as she waited by the door of the Starbucks. She wasn’t really sure what was supposed to happen here. Really, she hadn’t expected to get this far… at all? Chess and Kate seemed nice, but Giles Corey kids weren’t exactly known for a reputation of being warm and friendly. She supposed not everyone who went there fit with their stereotype, but it was hard to imagine why they’d want to be friends with a girl on a competing cheer team at all. Let alone the one they had almost ran over with a skateboard. 

Caught up in her thoughts, Eva barely noticed someone approaching until they squeezed her shoulder gently. Startled, she whirled around, almost knocking the taller girl over. “Oh, fuck-” Eva caught Chess’s arm and Kate had moved quickly to balance her from behind, avoiding what might have been a catastrophe. “I am so sorry, I’m not used to-” She stammered quickly, trying to come up with an explanation. 

The older girl didn’t look offended, however, thankfully. She smiled as she adjusted her windbreaker. “It’s totally fine! I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you hadn’t noticed us come in. Kate was complaining pretty loudly that they didn’t have the pumpkin spice latte, yet.” The shorter girl elbowed her friend. Still, Eva noticed that Kate hadn’t removed her other arm from around the girl’s back after steadying her fall. “Anyway, I think this makes us even, actually…!” 

Eva let out a snort. Thankfully, it came out more easily than she had expected. The whole day since Kate had invited her, the flier had been nervous. What even was this supposed to be? It felt somehow like a mixture of a date and a job interview, despite the fact that they were just strangers heading into the ‘maybe acquaintances’ territory. And then there was the cheer practice thing. Her mother had confirmed that it would be alright for her to stay out later, but did Eva really want to go? Would the rest of the team even want her there? 

“I guess it does…” She laughed, tucking her hands into the pocket of her jeans as Chess backed out of her space to look at the menu board. Kate, who hadn’t yet spoken and seemed to be having some sort of minor life crisis, looked as if she was trying to decide what to do with her arms now that the senior was no longer in danger of falling. After a moment's hesitation, she decided to hold Chess’s hand. The other girl squeezed it back easily, her eyes were still on the menu. 

Were they dating…? Eva genuinely couldn’t tell. Honestly, she’d assumed they had been yesterday, but now it seemed awkward. How did you have more chemistry with a person when you weren’t even trying to? 

“What do you like to drink, Eva?” Chess smiled over at her, using the hand that wasn’t attached to Kate’s to gesture at the menu. “I honestly never know what to buy at these places.” 

“That’s because you’re crazy.” The shorter girl spoke up finally. Apparently, she’d snapped out of her daze. She turned to Eva. “Chess is awful about drinking nothing except water. And,” Her tone made it sound like the next part was a criminal offense. “Not even the sparkling kind. Just like… plain water. Who does that?!” 

This had clearly not been the first time these two had argued this topic. By the time the three of them sat down at one of the tables after ordering (Chess had in fact insisted on paying for Eva’s drink despite the fact the younger girl had almost knocked her over a minute before), the West High student had learned that Kate wouldn’t drink anything that tasted even remotely bitter and that senior tended to skip anything with caffeine in it. Apparently, this had been an ongoing battle for years.   
  


“You know, if you just got a full eight hours of sleep, you wouldn’t need coffee!” Chess rolled her eyes across the table at her friend, sipping at her lemonade. It was apparently as close as she got to (as Kate had put it) ‘having any sort of taste’. 

“Oh, like you’ve ever gotten a full eight hours! You’re up at like four thirty everyday.” Kate shot back. She had a whipped cream mustache from her frappuccino which Eva found endearing. Not, of course, that she would have admitted that even if there hadn’t clearly been something going on between the two gymnasts. It was driving Eva crazy, but she wouldn’t be the one to push them. She of all people was used to being heckled about her romantic life. 

The conversation shifted away from whose taste was the worst and winded back down to a more normal volume. “So…” Eva felt like it was her time to bring something to the table. “Uh…” The junior laughed as her brain struggled to come up with anything. “Sorry, small talk isn’t really my speciality…! It’s honestly been kind of a while since I’ve talked to anyone I didn’t like… somewhat know, at least from school or something.” She admitted. Her hands wrapped around the cup of her black coffee, even though it was decidedly too warm to be necessary. 

Both the other teens gave her a smile. “Honestly, same.” Kate was squeaking the straw of her drink. “Uhhh… well, how’s your family? Is that lame? It felt lame as I was saying it, honestly.” She looked at Chess for reassurance, who shrugged. “Fuck it, better than nothing, right?” 

Better than nothing didn’t exactly inspire confidence, however, as the flier attempted to wrack her brain for a good answer. Why was she so awkward around people? Granted, she wasn’t super extroverted (something that came as a shock to most people, being the cheer captain and all), but still. She used to be at least able to carry on a conversation without feeling this nervous. 

… alright, or maybe she was just flustered. Whatever. She wasn’t good when there were… you know… pretty people in the vicinity. So what? Sue her. 

“Uhh…” Eva tried for a winning smile, but she wasn’t entirely sure it was successful. “They’re nice, I think…?” Honestly, she wasn’t sure exactly how to describe them. “They’re pretty loud, if anything. My mom works a lot of shifts at the hospital, so it’s mainly me at home with the little ones. I’m the oldest of five,” The flier chuckled, “So you can imagine the loudest noise you’ve heard and multiply it by about seven and get what the inside of our house sounds like…!” 

Eva was relieved to see that both Chess and Kate chuckled at her joke. That was good, right? It was probably good…! Unless, oh God— it hadn’t been a pity laugh, right? Was that a thing? She didn’t _know_ —

“... guessed you were the oldest!” Oh Lord, Chess was talking and Eva had been completely spacing out. The junior tried to pull herself back together and listen, folding her hands together under the table. _Focus_. “I am, too!” 

Kate rolled her eyes. “She’s not.” She deadpanned. “She’s an only child.” 

“Which—” Judging by the little gasp Kate made, Chess had kicked her (softly) under the table. “Technically speaking, makes me the oldest.” 

“And also, technically speaking, the youngest.” The dark-haired girl quirked back as she drowned half her frappe in one gulp. 

The gymnast rolled her eyes. “Shut up. I guess if we have to be technical, I don’t really know, though…” She trailed off. Chess was lost in thought for a minute before coming back to reality. “Oh, sorry. I’m adopted, for context.” 

The West High student nodded. “Ah, I remember that, actually…! I think you said it in an interview once.” 

Kate choked on her drink, nearly spraying all of them with spit. “You memorized Chess’s interviews?” It was hard to tell exactly what seemed to surprise her about this. Maybe it was just the fact that Eva followed the Olympics? Although, from the way she was staring now, it looked as if there might be something more… intense. Oh God? Had she done something wrong? 

… it suddenly occurred to Eva that other people might have memorized parts of Chess’s life for decidedly less friendly intentions. _Fuck—_

“Oh,” It was the first time throughout the conversation that the senior had looked anything but relaxed. Eva noticed that her hand fiddled with the friendship bracelet out of habit. “Ah… I probably did, yeah. I did a lot of those things in freshman and sophomore year… honestly, I don’t remember most of what I was asked to confess to…” She laughed, but there was clearly something still distracting her. The almost-Olympian was remarkably good at covering up her emotions, but Eva could see traces of pain buried deep under the surface. Across the table, Kate looked like she wanted to punch someone. “So hopefully there was nothing too embarrassing you remember…!” 

The West High student knew she’d stumbled into a bad topic of conversation. It had been a stupid thing to say, really. Of course Chess wouldn’t want to talk about… anything that happened. Eva didn’t really blame Kate for being overprotective, either. She would be too, if her girl… friend’s (she had given up) past was always constantly dragged back up and thrown in her face. The flier had to think of a way to make sure that both of them knew she was in this for the right reasons. That she wanted to be their friend. 

“No, nothing like that! Honestly, I only remember it because my sister and I used to practice along with the Olympics when it was on. Nina was super into gymnastics for a while. We didn’t have the money to take lessons, but she used to turn on the television and use the commentary in the background for her ‘big show’ when Mom got home from work. Alright…” Eva flushed, but the story seemed to be steering the conversation back in the right direction. Kate’s posture had relaxed back into her normal slouch. “Maybe… I also performed a bit, you know. But just because she asked, obviously…”

By the end of the narrative, both the other girls were back to smiling. She took it as a good sign. “Nina’s going to flip out when I tell her I saw you again, I think. I told her about running into you both yesterday. I’m pretty sure she was going to explode.” 

Chess smiled, cheeks pink as she sipped her lemonade. Kate was decidedly not as bashful. “I hope you also told your sister about the super-cool, other person that Checkers gets to be best friends with, right? You know. The one who didn’t actually run you over with a skateboard.” 

Eva was about to make a response (and it was absolutely going to be like…….. totally witty… and stuff) when the alarm on the senior’s phone went off. “Oh shoot,” The dark blonde quickly silenced it as she stood up. “Only a few minutes before practice starts. Did you want to come, Eva? I can text Riley, but I’m sure it’ll be fine!” 

Dammit. It was so hard not to say ‘yes’ when they grinned at you like that. 

“Uh, sure…! If it’s okay, I’d be down.” 

“Awesome! Kate, can you text her for me? Please?” Chess beamed, before nudging a loudly groaning Kate out of her seat. “Do you want to ride with us? There’s room in the car, and then I can just drop you back off here when we’re done. If you want, of course.” 

Honestly, Eva couldn’t really remember stammering out an answer. One minute, she was trying not to focus on the girl’s gorgeous brown eyes. The next, the junior was in the front seat of her Prius. Kate was sitting behind her, although she kept leaning so far forwards in her seat that her hair kept brushing the flier’s arm. 

(And no, it did not give her any sort of butterflies.) 

(Shut up.) 

“What am I texting Riley again? Just that we’re bringing a friend, or do I specify that it’s _the_ Eva Sanchez?” Kate asked over the radio which was playing some Disney song Eva’s siblings knew all the words to. The music choice surprised her, but she was smart enough not to comment on it. The Hercules soundtrack went hard, after all. 

Chess put her blinker on as she pulled smoothly into the turn lane out of the parking lot. “Uh… if she says no at first, then tell her it’s Eva? Maybe?” She shrugged, not taking her eyes off the road. 

It stuck the West High student as incredibly strange that they were talking about her as if she was some kind of a celebrity. It didn’t sit right. Chess had been an actual celebrity for a while. All the junior had done was score a few medals in sophmore year. It wasn’t a big deal.

“Does your captain actually know who I am?” Maybe it was all just some elaborate joke. If it wasn’t, Eva didn’t know whether to be flattered or alarmed. Kate and Chess seemed great, but that didn’t necessarily mean the rest of their team was. She wasn’t exactly the spitting image of any of the other Titans, after all. Despite the fact she wasn’t going to be doing anything but sit there for several hours, the flier felt the same sort of pressure she did before games. “I promise, I’m really not that good.” 

“Hey, we think you’re great!” Chess’s reaction was so instant and so genuine that it made Eva want to burst into tears for some reason. It took a strong person to be as warm as the older girl seemed to be after everything that had happened in her life. Not that Eva would ever say that, of course. It wasn’t her place to mention it. 

From behind her, Kate scoffed, but there seemed to be a warmth in there of her own. “Besides, you haven’t met our team yet. I think pretty much anyone would be good by comparison. If you think our viral sensation last year was a one-hit-wonder, I’m pleased to tell you that you’d be wrong. We could have albums worth of fuck-ups. Genuinely, I could not think of a more neurotic group of people if I tried.” She laughed dryly. “I’m fairly sure that at least one of us is going to be killed at some point in the foreseeable future. So, if we accidentally brought you to a murder scene, sorry. That’s on me.” 

“You certainly know how to sell a person...” Eva rolled her eyes as they pulled into the parking lot of Giles Corey. None of this was remotely comforting, and yet she still found herself smiling. 

“Alright, then. I’m ready to go witness some crime, then!” 

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


**Direct Message:** **kate dalton (cheer!) @ riley**

_3:43 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

**kate dalton (cheer!):** hey 

**kate dalton (cheer!):** we can bring a friend to practice, right? 

**kate dalton (cheer!):** just checking. 

**riley:** What???? No?????? You can’t??? 

**riley:** Kate!! For the last time, we can’t afford to have to have any distractions on this team! I’d really prefer if you didn’t bring a friend, please!

**kate dalton (cheer!):** what if this friend was eva sanchez?

**riley:** YOU KNOW EVA SANCHEZ???????!!!!?!???!???!?? 

**kate dalton (cheer!):** well she’s in our car rn so i guess i would say we know her 

**kate dalton (cheer!):** either that or we kidnapped her 

**kate dalton (cheer!):** ill ask 

_kate dalton (cheer!) is now offline._

**riley:** A,ASK?!? IM SORRY, DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT KIDNAP SOMEONE— 

**riley:**??!??!?!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

_kate dalton (cheer!) is now online._

**kate dalton (cheer!):** she says we didn’t kidnap her 

**kate dalton (cheer!):** and she also says thanks for letting her come if you do

**kate dalton (cheer!):** she’s really nice. also if you make us take her back home, we’re gonna be late at this point so...

**riley:** I…

**riley:** Fine. She can come… this time! But please don’t make it a habit of bringing other friends to practice!! We need to make sure we’re focused if we want to have a chance at Regionals this year! 📣📣

**kate dalton (cheer!):** yeah lmao okay 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annleigh's POV Summary: Basically, she's recalling the first time she really talked to Kate in middle school, when she gets overwhelmed and Kate helps take her out of class and calm her down. It's implied at the end that Kate understands what she's going through and sort of asks to be her friend, but Annleigh runs away because she's generally been taught to not discuss her mental health with anyone. A lot of the characterization of Annleigh I'm using for this story comes from really minor lines or lyrics from the show, but I think there's a lot of things she's dealing with under the surface and I think she's neat and I wanted to try to talk about it. (Its, ,,, *shuffles awkwardly* look,, theres no projection on any of these characters. Absolutely not. Shhh...adasddsk) If anyone noticed the line in the POV where she talks about the words being wrong on the page, it's a reference to her having dyslexia because it also made a lot of sense to me. 
> 
> Anyway! Back to your regularly scheduled author's note! Hi! I meant to post this like two days ago, but I got distracted by Chai / PMA Day on tumblr and proceeded to do nothing but think about them.,....... yeah.......
> 
> As you can see, this is not actually the first practice because I am a liar. I have most of the first practice and Reese's POV written for the next chapter, but this one was already 25 pages long on docs... and I was like...,, I legally have to split this. I'm hoping to get it out tomorrow or the next day, depending on whether or not my brain remembers how to write in the past tense.
> 
> As always, thanks so much again for reading! It makes me super happy to see you guys enjoying the story so far! Remember to drink some water and get some rest if you can, and have a good day!
> 
> ~ Paige <3
> 
> (As always, you're welcome to come vibe with me on tumblr @moxy-by-proxy !


	5. 005. Too Loud, Too Soft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first practice of the year somehow goes even worse than everyone expected it to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can tell that I absolutely ran out of text / GC ideas for this one because it all takes place in the span of about an hour, but that didn't stop me from alternating anyway lol <3
> 
> TW: Both Chess and Reese's POVS have minor references to drug / alcohol usage respectively, about the same way that the show talked about it. (Reese is talking about Farrah's habits!) Chess's POV also has a few negative thoughts. Riley's POV features a description of parental neglect and just all together bad parenting, which you can avoid by skipping her memory in italics! There's also a description about fainting at the end, too. Stay safe everyone!

**Instagram Update:** **@rarariley**

_3:45 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

[A picture of Riley holding her clipboard with her arm around Cairo’s shoulder’s. The other girl looks less than amused at having her picture taken. Riley is smiling brightly at the camera.] 

Caption: _We’re here to cheer! Let’s hear it for the first practice of the year! 📣🐯‼️_

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

_There were probably worse ways to start practice than watching people be physically dragged to the meeting_ , Mattie thought. 

… there were a lot of better ways to start practice, too. 

The freshman wasn’t exactly sure what she expected from the team. She’d been waiting in the gym since her first class ended about an hour before. The Wheeler house was close by, but it hadn’t been worth trying to arrange a ride. Mrs. Richardson, the little old lady who lived across the street from them, usually picked up her two siblings and looked after them when her father was away on trips. She was a sweet woman, but it would have been too much to trouble her about getting home and back in the short amount of time they had. 

Not to mention, Riley’s discussion of being late had made her nervous. She wasn’t going to be the one to mess up! Even if it did seem like a silly tradition that the Tigers only took one freshman every year, Mattie was going to take her role as seriously as possible. That would help her fit in, right? 

Honestly, as it turned out, not many people actually noticed her at all. 

The redhead was the first one to enter the gym after Mattie had. She beamed and chattered to the younger girl a bit as she set things up for practice. The freshmen thought Riley was really nice, as far as seniors went, but she could tell that the girl was nervous. The redhead seemed to be channeling all that energy into pretending to be peppy, which… came off sort of terrifying in its own way. Then again, Mattie couldn’t imagine the kind of pressure the older girl was under. She tried to help set up as best she could, but it was clear that Riley wasn’t the best at giving directions. In the end, the captain had handed Mattie a package of balloons and asked her to blow some up. “For festivity!” She’d chirped, before turning back to whatever she was doing on her clipboard. 

The next girl to show up had been a brunette with long, curled hair. Judging by the timing, she hadn’t gone home either. Mattie couldn’t remember everyone’s name from the group chat, but the cross necklace around her neck indicated that she was likely the one Riley had been asking not to bring religion into school related events. The girl looked a bit distracted, however, and it took her a while to notice Mattie seated on the bleachers. Once she had, however, it was like someone had flipped the light switch on. Instantly, she was bounding over, all smiles and waves. 

(In a way, it reminded her a lot of what Riley had just done. Mattie was suddenly not as worried as she had been about being the only one on the team with anxiety.) 

“Hi!” The brunette bounced over to her, hair flying behind her. She sat down next to Mattie in a very dramatic manner. “I’m Annleigh! Are you the new freshman? Mattie, right? It’s nice to meet you!” 

It was hard to get a word in edgewise with Annleigh. She spoke like she was worried about forgetting something if she didn’t get everything out fast enough. It made Mattie nervous, as if they were running out of time for some competition she hadn’t even wanted to participate in. At least she didn’t expect to be answered. Mattie got the impression that the junior was the type of person to hold conversations more because it was what you were supposed to do than anything else. She smiled and nodded as the older girl told her about the school and the team, not really absorbing any of the content, before she was suddenly rushing off again. 

“It was nice to meet you, Mattie! I’m gonna go see if Riley needs any help!” Annleigh was gone as quickly as she left. The freshman couldn’t say she was too upset to be left alone. The brunette had been sweet, but a little overbearing. 

Still, if the team was like that, she couldn’t really see the problem. 

Unfortunately, it became quickly apparent that they were not. 

A pretty girl wandered in holding a smoothie in both hands and her backpack strung over her left shoulder in the cool way most of the seniors had seemed to master. She barely glanced in Mattie’s direction before heading over to Riley. Annleigh’s desire to help seemed to have flickered out, since she was over in the corner texting someone who made her smile more softly. It was nicer to see. Relaxed smiles were always more genuine. 

The new girl and Riley seemed to have a deeper relationship from what Mattie could tell. Although the taller girl hadn’t taken much of an interest in the freshman, she did seem to be close to the captain. As the young girl watched, the redhead passed her clipboard to the other and took the drinks, leaning over her shoulder to examine it as well. It seemed a little silly. Riley would know what was written on it. Honestly, it seemed like more of an excuse for her to rest her head on the newcomer's shoulder more than anything else. 

Riley looked… tired, really. _Someone_ _should tell her to rest..._

Mattie wasn’t one to judge, though. She was exhausted, too. It was good that this girl seemed to make the redhead relax. This was only the freshman’s third encounter with the older girl, but she seemed a bit… excitable. Anyone who got her to calm down was alright in Mattie’s book. 

Maybe this team would be fine…! Maybe her old junior high friends had been worried about her for nothing. 

The gym door opened again. 

“I told you—” A new voice (one that was definitely talking more loudly than the average indoor volume recommended) hit Mattie’s ears almost immediately. From the corner she was watching, she saw Annleigh stiffen instantly at the sound. Both of them turned to see a blond boy with his hands lightly on the shoulders of a petite girl, pushing her gently into the gym. “To take me home, Clark. I’m not staying!” 

The boy, Clark apparently, flashed a brilliant grin at Annleigh as he let go of the smaller girl’s shoulders. “And I told you, Farrah, no can do! I only work scheduled chauffeuring hours.” He chuckled at his own joke as the junior approached him. Judging by the way the two of them looked at each other, they were dating. And, judging by the way the younger girl groaned, she was clearly over it. 

Riley and her friend watched what was rapidly devolving into an argument from the other side of the gym. Mattie didn’t exactly blame them for not stepping in right away. Clark and the younger teen must have driven here together. Judging by the way the two girls argued, they were probably related. Cousins or siblings, maybe? The freshman wasn’t sure. 

Honestly, she really tried not to listen to the arguing. Mattie wasn’t one who cared for eavesdropping. But it was hard, sometimes, not to hear. She had a habit of paying attention to as much as she could around her, of attempting to process everything so that nothing caught her by surprise. It was something she’d talked about with her therapist for a few years. Mattie’s anxiety had been steadily improving with help, but there were still things that made her anxious. Making sure that she kept an eye out for any of them helped her remain in control of the situation.

Besides, it’s not as if the trio was being quiet about it. 

_Okay, well…_ the freshman tucked her knees up on the bleachers and wrapped her arms around them. _This still isn’t too bad._ It didn’t sound like Clark was on the team (not that he was actually contributing to the fight, really. The two girls were doing very well on their own). If it’s just these two that don’t get along, maybe it’ll be okay…? 

“Fuck off!” The smaller girl was practically shouting now. “I don’t owe you or this team shit after last year!” 

Last year… last year… 

Was she talking about the viral video? Mattie knew that she was the only freshman on the team, but she’d thought maybe… at least one other person in an upper grade might have tried out. Unless they were still coming, it didn’t seem likely, though.

_Were the Tigers really that bad?,_ she wondered, absorbed in her own thought. 

“They’re at it again?” A bright voice from beside her made Mattie jump. She’d been too busy watching the fight to notice the new figure approaching her. A tall girl with overalls and a pleasant smile, she plopped herself down next to the freshman easily. “You’d think they’d at least wait for the whole team to arrive.” 

Mattie wasn’t sure if she was supposed to respond or not, so she just nodded to indicate she had no idea what was happening. Thankfully, the other girl didn’t seem bothered. “You’re Mattie, right? I’m Reese! It’s nice to meet you!” Her eyes seemed to sparkle when she spoke, and her enthusiasm was infectious. 

If any of these people had to be the one driving her home that night, the freshman decided that she was incredibly glad it was this girl. 

“Mattie, yes…!” She stuck her hand out for a shake the way her parents always told her was polite. Other kids sometimes found it awkward, but Reese seemed happy enough to have someone to talk to. “It’s nice to meet you, too! Thanks for offering me a ride tonight… you saved my life!” 

“It’s nothing, really!” Reese waved off Mattie’s thanks. After the greeting finished, she gestured to the two girl’s still fighting. “Honestly, you’d be surprised how few members of this team can drive. Riley and Cairo both can, but they live the farthest away from here. Kate refuses to. Farrah,” She pointed to the smaller girl. “I don’t think she’s old enough yet, but I don’t think I’d let her drive with her record, anyway…” She trailed off hesitantly, as if she wasn’t sure if she should have crossed that line or not. When Mattie didn’t say anything, Reese continued. “And Annleigh says she’s not interested, but Cairo says it’s because ‘she’s scared Jesus won’t take the wheel fast enough in a crisis’. Clark drives her everywhere, though, so she doesn’t really need to.” 

Reese seemed to know a lot about the team. Mattie recalled the text conversation from yesterday, when the one of the girls had mocked her for just being the mascot. It hadn’t sat right with the freshman then and it still didn’t now. “You know them all really well…!” She tried to add to the conversation, instead of just sitting there and staring. 

This made the upperclassman beam. “I try to keep up with everyone! I know the mascot’s not always the most important role, but I try to shadow everyone in case they ever need me to step in!” Reese continued chatting animatedly to the younger girl, but her focus shifted to the three new people that had just entered. 

Judging by the way the tallest girl was dragging the brunette in a flannel jacket, it wasn’t just Farrah who wasn’t particularly thrilled to be here. Mattie couldn’t hear what the girl— _wait, was that Chess?? The Chess?? From the Olympics?—_ was telling her companion, but it didn’t seem to be entirely convincing her not to make a scene. The third person, a brunette with bobbed hair… 

“Eva?!” The freshman gave Reese a quick ‘be right back’ before bounding over to the older girl. Calling across the gym made too much noise. Besides, if it wasn’t her, it might have been really awkward. 

The older girl blinked, spinning to figure out where her name had come from, before she beamed in the freshman’s direction. “Mads!” She held out her arms. Mattie did not need to be asked twice for the hug, nearly knocking the West High student over in her embrace. After two long days of knowing no one in this school, seeing a familiar face was driving Mattie dangerously close to tears. She wasn’t even unhappy, but with the noise of Farrah and Annleigh’s argument and the stress of having to meet everyone, her emotions were getting to her. She kept her face buried into Eva’s jacket, grateful that the older girl seemed to sense that she wasn’t ready to let go. 

“Oh, come on-” She could hear Riley’s voice from behind them. “Does everyone know Eva Sanchez except me- Hey!” Judging by the whine the redhead made, Cairo had elbowed her in the side. 

After a few seconds, Mattie released the junior and took a step back, taking a deep breath. She had absolutely no idea why the flier was here, but she was too grateful to ask for an explanation. During their hug, the other two girls (who had seemingly begun the staring contest phase of their argument) had moved closer. The taller of the two did seem to be the same girl that Mattie’s family had seen so often in interviews and on television. Nina was going to flip out when the freshman told her!

That is… if Eva hadn’t told her younger sister already. Now that she thought about it, how did the flier end up here? She opened her mouth to ask, but Eva beat her to the question. “Mads, you didn’t tell me you were cheering for the Tigers!” She pretended to frown, but there was pride in her eyes. “I can’t believe we’re enemies now!” The tone was teasing. 

Mattie was grateful for the ease of which her friend’s humor came. If she was honest, the freshman had wanted to go to West High more than anything. Not only were most of her junior high friends going there, but she’d known the Sanchez family since she’d been born. Her parents were both doctors in the same wing of the hospital where Eva’s mom worked. They’d basically grown up together, and the junior often babysat for Mattie’s younger siblings when she wasn’t working. It would have been so much less nerve wracking to audition for her than it had been to do so here. She hadn’t really wanted to try out at all, but her parents had talked her into it. 

_You love cheering!_ They’d said. _Giles Corey will be just as much fun!_ They’d said. 

Mattie was somehow starting to doubt that. 

“I didn’t want to jinx it…” She confessed quietly to Eva, hoping the other two people wouldn’t hear her. Thankfully, the almost Olympian seemed to be preoccupied attempting to coerce her friend into staying. Behind them, Riley had apparently gone over to break up the two girls. She could hear snippets of that conversation (“Farrah, you’re not leaving—”, “Get off me!!!”, “Guys, let’s take this nice competitive energy and put it—”, “SHUT UP.”), which did not appear to be going well. 

The time on her watch said that practice was supposed to have started a few minutes ago, but no one was exactly ready to call the meeting to order or whatever the Tigers did at the beginning of each session. 

She turned back to Eva. “How are _you_ here?” Unless she had been terribly mistaken for the past two days, this was not West High. 

“Oh,” A flush crept up on the junior’s face as she turned awkwardly to the other two individuals. They seemed to have reached an agreement (or at least an impasse) when it came to their silent argument. “Um, it’s actually kind of a long story.” She ran a hand through her brown hair. “Chess and Kate invited me after… um…” 

“Running her over with a skateboard?” The smaller of the two girls, who must have been Kate, piped in. Despite the fact she was maybe only an inch taller than herself, Mattie immediately listed her as someone you wouldn’t want to get in a fight with. “Honestly, not that long of a story, really.” 

Beside her, Chess ( _oh my God, it really is her!_ ) nudged Kate gently with a look that clearly said ‘please be on your best behavior’. “ _Not,_ ” The almost-Olympian spoke up. She had a soft voice, softer and less confident than Mattie might have expected from someone who was vaguely famous. “That we intended to hit her. I’m just not really much of a skateboarder.” 

Eva chuckled. “I honestly couldn’t tell you if this is the start of a friendship or just an incredibly confusing way to avoid me pressing assault charges.” She teased, causing the three others to smile. “But guess I’m here now…! Your captain said it was okay, apparently?” 

Speaking of the captain— 

“Okay, team…!” 

The four of them turned to watch Riley clap her hands together. Next to her, Cairo was holding her clipboard with a look that very much said ‘this is going to be interesting’. Annleigh and Farrah seemed to have stopped actively fighting (although Mattie noticed that they were both looking stubbornly in different directions), and Clark was hovering somewhere in the middle, as if unsure if he should stay to help or not. Reese had made her way over and now stood by the group of four, with Eva still wrapping an arm securely around Mattie. She was grateful for its grounding safety. Without it, the freshman thought she might have just run out of the gym.

Riley seemed pleasantly surprised everyone had actually turned to her. Mattie noticed that the redhead didn’t seem to like everyone’s eyes on her, however. It was in the little movements, things the freshman could see but she doubted anyone else was watching, that she noticed hesitation. Like how her hands were shaking slightly when she unclasped them. The way she scooted slightly closer towards Cairo before launching into her speech. They were all signs of anxiousness. Mattie knew them all too well. 

To be fair to Riley, it wasn’t as if anyone else seemed to be faring any better. 

Farrah looked still visibly angry, as if the only thing keeping her from starting another fight was a matter of time. Her sister (Mattie was going to assume they were siblings) on the other hand had a smile plastered on her face that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Her boyfriend had moved to wrap his arm securely around her waist, but it didn’t quite absorb the fact the brunette was also trembling slightly. On the other side, Cairo had taken her phone out and was scrolling through it. It would make sense that she’d probably heard this speech before if Riley had practiced it, but the younger girl couldn’t help but wonder if it was more of a tool than anything else. She seemed like someone who wanted to radiate that she was above the needless bickering of the team, even if she stayed. 

To Mattie’s right, the two gymnasts didn’t seem to be doing much better. Kate kept interrupting Riley without much point, with Chess attempting to keep her under control. It was hard to read the senior. Her expressions didn’t seem to be as theatrical as Mattie remembered them having been on interviews. She didn’t know whether this was because of the exaggeration of television or because of everything that had happened after her injury. The freshman tried not to stare at her too much as she watched her become more and more frustrated with her friend’s behavior. It wasn’t very visible on her face, but Mattie was an expert at reading people. Still, if her annoyance was something Chess worked that hard not to show, then it didn’t seem fair of her to keep staring. The freshman turned away quickly. 

Reese and Eva were the only two who even passed for calm. Well, in the mascot’s case, ‘relaxed’ was not exactly the correct term. It was like she was hanging on every word in Riley’s speech. Honestly, Mattie didn’t know who to feel worse for: the girl who so obviously wanted (and likely deserved) to be on the team, or the captain who had no one else except two people not on the squad paying attention. 

It was during these observations that Mattie realized for the first time that absolutely no one on the Tigers could even remotely pass for okay. She had a feeling it wouldn’t exactly be the last. 

“So, if you need an inhaler!” Riley had been rambling for some time. Mattie blinked, realizing she’d missed most of the introduction. Whoops? Hopefully nothing that had been said was that crucial. “Just bring it to practice. No one will judge you for it!” 

Was this… normal for an introductory speech? Who was judging people based on having an inhaler? Judging by Clark’s raised eyebrow across the group, he was also perplexed. Everyone else seemed to understand something Mattie didn’t, however. The blond boy caught her eye and shrugged to indicate he was lost, which made the freshman feel a bit better about not getting the joke. 

“Okay, _great!_ ” The redhead wound herself down. “I think that’s all from me for now! Um… so, I know we all know each other a little bit, but I thought it might be nice to go around the room and share a bit about ourselves. Especially since it looks like we have some guests with us for today…” She gave Eva a look that could only be described as idolization. Mattie felt the junior’s arm wrapped around her shoulders stiffen. “So… I guess I just kind of did mine, but… um, I’m Riley! I’m your new captain! This is my fourth year on the Tigers. And… um, I’m really excited for this year!” She giggled nervously, grabbing a pompom from the pair on the bleachers and passing it to Cairo. 

Judging by the look on the taller girl’s face, Riley was the only person on earth who she would have allowed to drag her into this introduction game. Even still, she made a big show of rolling her eyes at the redhead before taking the pompom. “I’m Cairo. I’m a senior. Third year on the team. You might recognize me from last year's prom court.” She flashed a dazzling smile. “I guess you could say I’m sort of…” 

For just a second, Riley’s smile dipped just slightly. Mattie had been the only one besides Cairo looking between her and the captain, so she was the only one to watch their exchange. As if expecting what her friend was about to say, the redhead seemed to be preparing herself to stop an impending argument. For just a moment, Mattie recognized how exhausted the senior must have been. Cai must have noticed, too, because she cleared her throat and seemed to change directions with where her initial sentence had been going. “Sort of… expecting to be this year’s prom queen.” She finished strongly. 

The freshman was impressed. Judging by the two girl’s quick exchange, Cairo had been about to say something more divisive. Something that Riley had expected to cause turmoil. The fact that the senior had not only changed her mind, but had also done so in a way Mattie doubted anyone else would have noticed, filled her with admiration for the older girl. She was never that confident talking to people. 

That seemed to be enough for Cairo. Begrudgingly, she threw the pompom to Annleigh. The girl still seemed a bit distracted. Before Mattie could wonder what her mind was on, however, the brunette snapped back into attention. “I’m Annleigh! I’m a junior! Third year on the Tigers as well. Are we doing fun facts now?” She asked, smiling too brightly at Cairo, who did not return it. “I’m the founder of Giles Corey’s first a cappella group, Chorus for Christ!” She made a gesture with her hands that must have been the group’s sign before her sister snatched the pompom out of her hand. 

Farrah scoffed. The small girl seemed to be purposefully avoiding eye contact with any of the team. “No one cares about your stupid a capella group, Annleigh. And it’s not a special club that this is your guys’ third year.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m Farrah. I’m a sophomore. It’s my second year.” 

“Hey,” Clark, who had apparently taken the opportunity to rescue the speaking pompom from the smaller girl, ran a hand through his hair. “Let’s all be civil, yeah?” He offered the group another winning smile. “I’m Clark. Not on the team, but here for, uh, moral support?” 

Everyone seemed to hold their breath as they waited for Farrah to speak again. Apparently, the sophomore took the hint and held her tongue. Her arms were crossed so tightly around her body that it looked as if she was attempting to impersonate a python. Across from her, the redheaded captain seemed grateful that Clark had intervened before she’d had to. She flashed him a quick thumbs up before gesturing that he should toss the speaking object to someone else. It took him a few seconds to process the meaning of the gesture. Once he did, he grinned and easily tossed the pompom to Reese. 

The mascot looked visibly surprised to be included. Mattie wondered if anyone would have given her a chance if Clark hadn’t assumed she was on the team. It was just another thing that made her shrink back into Eva a little further. She knew that her friend didn’t always get along with her own squad, either, but she doubted the Titans practices were as openly hostile. Sensing her nervousness, the junior squeezed her shoulder in a maternal sort of fashion. Mattie closed her eyes. 

_Keep breathing. Keep it together_ . _Keep it under control._

Reese had finished her introduction by the time the freshman opened her eyes. Cairo was rolling her own, but otherwise, no one had interrupted her. The older girl seemed relieved that the two of them were now looking at each other, as she quickly tossed the pompom to Mattie... 

… who promptly fumbled it, the feathery object sliding out of her shaking grasp and onto the floor. 

The girl’s cheeks flushed scarlet as she bent down quickly to get it. It wasn’t a big deal or anything… except every mistake felt huge when nine other people were staring at you wordlessly. Eva had let her hand fall from her back as she’d leaned down. Mattie missed the feeling of security it had given her almost immediately. Clutching the pompom too tightly in her hands, she had to work hard not to fiddle with the strings. She knew from experience just how easy it was to pull them apart. It would likely not create a good first impression on her captain if Mattie accidentally destroyed the speaking pompom on the first day of practice. 

“Um…” Her voice seemed small, even to her. She coughed. “I’m Mattie…! I’m a freshman… and, um…” What else were they supposed to say again? “Oh… um, this is my first year on the Tigers!” 

Across from her, Farrah scoffed and rolled her eyes. Her arms were folded across her chest. She seemed determined to cause as many problems as she possibly could to distract practice. “We kind of got the last part when you said you were a freshman.” Mattie shrunk away from the sound reflexively, looking at her shoes instead of at anyone. 

The captain sighed quietly, but apparently had given up on trying to police Farrah’s interruptions. Besides her, Mattie felt someone gently tug the pompom from her hands. When she looked up, Kate was leaning forward. It surprised her a bit. Of course, she’d only spoken to the older girl for about a minute before practice had started, but she hadn’t assumed she would be quick to cover for Mattie. Perhaps being friends with Eva had its perks even here? 

_Or_ , the freshman thought as she watched Kate glare at Farrah, _perhaps there’s some sort of fight I don’t even know about going on._

“Kate. Junior.” She adjusted her beanie with the hand that wasn’t holding the pompom as she spoke before passing the latter to Chess. That was… it, apparently. 

The taller girl glanced at her friend with an exasperated expression before speaking herself. “I’m Chess. I’m a senior…! This is my second year on the Tigers!” She smiled warmly at the rest of the group, but the freshman noted that her eyes dipped to avoid making contact with Farrah. Not that the younger girl had been looking in her direction, anyway. The sophomore was now staring pointedly at the gym doors. 

Good Lord, this team was a mess. 

Everyone on the team had gone at this point, but Chess passed it to Eva almost without thinking about it. The flier seemed startled. “Oh, hey! I’m Eva. I… don’t go here!” She chuckled awkwardly in the way she always did when she was nervous. “I’m on the West High cheer team, actually… um, but Kate and Chess said it was alright if I came today?” 

Something about her tone indicated that she would have been more than happy to leave if it was suddenly no longer okay for her to watch. 

Unfortunately for the brunette, there seemed to be no such luck. All throughout Eva’s introduction, the redhead had been practically bouncing on the balls of her feet. Apparently, she was a big fan. “It’s totally fine!!” Riley chirped before turning to the group as a whole. “Eva is the captain of the Titans and the highest ranking flier in the state!” 

Mattie’s back was to Eva, but she could practically hear the junior’s eyebrow raise. “Um… yep…! That’s, uh, me?” 

“Okay, _great…!_ ” Riley just… moved on. She didn’t pause to explain why she knew so much about Eva or whether it was something to be mildly concerned about. Next to her, Cairo rolled her eyes again. That was about as much acknowledgment as that comment had gotten. “So, now that intros are done, let’s warm up! As most of you know, we typically do warmups in pairs to get each other hyped up! I’ve made, um…” She grabbed the clipboard Cai had offered her. “A list of the partners for today, but we’ll trade off each practice! Clark, Eva, you two are welcome to pair up and join us if you wanted!” 

Both of the two people in question smiled nervously and nodded in response, if only to avoid the increasing speed of Riley’s speech. 

“Perfect! So, then… let’s see…” She seemed to be making a change to the list. Possibly, Mattie thought, to avoid pairing people up who might attempt to kill each other from the look of things. Clark released Annleigh’s waist and kissed her forehead, before waving to Eva if she wanted to follow him to the bleachers. The junior (probably eager to get away from this madhouse) gave Mattie’s shoulder a last squeeze before jogging after him. 

“Okay! So!” Riley must have finished taking any necessary safety precautions. “Let’s, um… do this then. Cairo, can you teach Mattie the warmup drills?” 

The taller girl nodded wordlessly. “Awesome! Then, umm… Farrah, how about you warm up with Reese?” 

Honestly, Mattie expected a fight from the sophomore. Reese was sweet, but everyone had been quick to point out that she wasn’t an actual member of the team earlier. The younger girl had expected Farrah to take it as an insult or on the offensive. That they weren’t letting her practice with the real team or something. Instead, the sophomore simply nodded once to acknowledge that she’d heard the comment. She didn’t make eye contact with Reese or return the little wave the senior had given her. 

Then again, Mattie realized that Farrah had already tried to pick a fight with every other member of the team. Perhaps the redhead knew more about what she was doing then came across. 

“Great, great! So then,” Riley paused. She was chewing her lower lip. “Okay, let’s have Annleigh and Chess warm up together… and then Kate, you can come with me.” 

None of the remaining three girls looked very happy about this arrangement. Kate started to open her mouth, but her friend nudged her in the shoulder. They exchanged a few pointed looks, but the ex-gymnast clearly won the exchange. The smaller girl crossed her arms, but otherwise said nothing. Across from them, Annleigh didn’t seem as if she’d noticed anything. _Her cheeks have to hurt from smiling so much_ , Mattie thought. 

“Alright! Then,” Riley looked incredibly pleased that all of them had made it to at least this part of practice without any injuries. “Let’s go Tigers!” She pumped her fist in the air. When she was not met with any enthusiasm in return, the girl sighed. “Worth a try…” She nodded at Kate before making her way over to a different part of the gym. Warm up time had apparently started. Cairo had her phone back out and didn’t appear to be in a hurry to move, which the other pairings seemed to take as normal. Wordlessly, the other four girls split off in different directions. 

_This…_ Mattie thought, _is going to be a really twenty minutes, isn’t it?_

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**Direct Message:** **checkers♟️ @ girl in red**

_4:16 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

**checkers♟️:** Please promise me you’ll behave yourself during warmups…

**checkers♟️:** Riley looks like she’s about to snap at any minute, you know? Try to take it easy on her.

**girl in red:** i make no such promises

**checkers♟️:** Kate.

**girl in red:** chess. 

**checkers♟️:** I think Eva would feel awkward if you killed our captain in front of her ngl

**girl in red:** … 

**girl in red:** i’ll take that under consideration, i suppose. 

_girl in red is now offline._

**checkers♟️:** Imagine me rolling my eyes. 

**checkers♟️:** Anyway, have fun!

**checkers♟️:** And behave!!! 

_checkers♟️ is now offline._

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


Chess couldn’t remember the last time she’d been alone with Annleigh O’Daniel. 

Well, alone was a misleading term. The two of them were still in the gym, after all, as was the rest of the team. Everyone had separated to opposite corners. There were four pairs actually warming up, with Eva and Clark talking to each other on the bleachers. It struck the ex-gymnast for the first time just how small the squad was this year. They’d had a fair amount of seniors graduate the year before, but more people should have joined. 

_More people might have,_ the very unhelpful voice that she had been living with for the past year replied, _if you hadn’t messed everything up like you always do._

Chess shook her head to clear it. Not here. Not now. She had been clean for almost two weeks now. It was progress. It was good. Things with Kate were… great, really! She wouldn’t let one practice shake her anymore. 

“Um, hey…!” She tried for a smile at Annleigh, but noticed the brunette was gazing out the gym window. “Annleigh?” Chess cocked her head to the side. She hadn’t pegged the junior as someone who lost focus easily. Then again, it wasn’t as if she knew the girl very well. Despite the fact that they’d been on the same team for more than a year together, the blonde could count the number of times they’d had a private conversation on one hand. Their captain from last year hadn’t had the same idea as Riley had, making them warmup with alternating partners. This meant that she’d always paired with Kate, who had some sort of aversion to the other girl. Chess wasn’t one to pry, but she assumed the two of them must have some unpleasant history together judging by the way they stubbornly refused to engage outside of arguing at practice. 

It wasn’t her business, though. Kate would tell her if something was wrong. Chess was sure of that. 

_Yeah. ‘Cause you’re the only liar in that relationship, aren’t you?_ Not. Now. 

The brunette hadn’t even noticed the senior attempting to get her attention. She was sitting cross-legged on her yoga mat, pink with white floral patterns, and posed for stretching without having actively started. Her eyes were fixed on a spot outside. When Chess craned her neck to look, she found nothing at all interesting apart from a few trees and an unoccupied bench. Odd… 

The older girl hesitated slightly before leaning over and tapping the girl softly on her shoulder. “Annleigh?” 

Chess almost immediately jerked back when Annleigh jumped, spinning back to attention too quickly. The movements were rapid, the kind that a horse makes when you startle it and it’s not sure whether to run away or charge. The senior quickly attempted to remove herself from the younger girl’s space as she held up her hands placatingly. “Ah, sorry! I didn’t mean to surprise you. I was just wondering if you wanted to start stretching yet…” 

It wasn’t her business… but something was wrong. It was easy not to pry, but it was harder to pretend you didn’t notice. Annleigh by herself was a strange experience. It reminded Chess of meeting a famous musician in person after watching them on stage. The bright persona, the theatrical manner, everything. It all felt odd when you were the only one witnessing it. 

“Yep!” Annleigh chirped, but it was easier to tell that her smile didn’t meet her eyes from this close together. “Ready!” She launched herself into stretching without waiting for Chess to count them in. 

_Don’t get involved._

(… what if I could help?)

_When have you ever helped anyone? All you’d do was let down another person._

That was all she was ever good for. Chess closed her eyes so she didn’t have to see how Annleigh was shaking, and pretended. Pretended everything was okay. Pretended nothing was wrong. Pretending that the bottle of pills didn’t swim across her vision, even with her eyes closed. 

A few minutes of silence passed between them as they worked through the exercises. The drills were familiar after a year of doing them basically every other day. Chess almost thought that they would spend the entire time in silence, before Annleigh’s voice suddenly interrupted her thoughts.

It was quieter than normal, and devoid of any of its usual pep. With her eyes closed, the senior almost didn’t recognize who it had come from until she opened them to see the brunette staring at her yoga mat. Her fingers, painted a bright yellow to match the outfit she’d had on earlier, rubbed the material backwards and forwards as if she was in a trance. 

“Is she right…? Farrah, I mean. Did... I mean, were you… not sober that day?” 

Her heart stopped working. 

No, no, no… not here. Not… not now. She couldn’t— Chess had to work hard to not let the tears spring to her eyes. _Serves you right._ No, no, no. Please, not here. Not when they’re alone. Not when no one’s there to make them stop. Sometimes, the gymnast can still feel the lights of the spotlight hitting her, the roar of the crowd. She can still remember how she felt as she leapt into the air, twirling, spinning. 

And then, pain. Her knee feels as if it’s caught fire. The crowd is screaming, but now it’s out of fear. She’s lying on the ground and the world is going dark and there’s so much pain… 

But that was a different memory. Not the one Annleigh wants. That one she relives too, sees in her nightmares. Farrah’s scream, the thud of how she hit the ground. But it’s all obscured by a haze that Chess can’t quite shake off. The memories of her own accident are clearer, despite being less recent. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t quite understand what went wrong at Regionals. She should have caught Farrah. She was trying to… 

“Chess…?” Annleigh asked. There’s not so much concern in her eyes as a lack of malice. An absence of everything, really. The brunette was blinking at her with eyes that might have been empty for how unreadable they were. The senior’s hand found her other wrist and grabbed onto it tightly, in an effort to steady herself. _You’re here. You’re not there. You’re here._

“... no…” The blonde admitted, quietly (finally), because Kate isn’t here to protest or make a scene. It’s the first time she’s acknowledged it, she thought, to any of the other members of the team. She’d liked to have done so sooner, but it would make her friend upset. Sometimes Kate was like that. Even if something is true, it doesn’t make her willing to accept it. “... I wasn’t.” 

The ex-gymnast had to force herself not to add the familiar ‘ _I’m sorry._ ’ She was, but Annleigh didn’t look like she wanted to hear it. Besides, it wouldn’t make it better. It wouldn’t fix anything. 

The brunette nodded in acknowledgement. There was a thoughtfulness there, a dark sort of seriousness, that Chess doesn’t usually associate with the younger girl.“Oh.” She said, finally. Her voice was tired in a way it isn’t supposed to be. The senior wondered if she had done the right thing, telling the truth. It’s what you’re supposed to do. Telling the truth is supposed to be good, and yet it doesn’t always seem right. “I see.”

Annleigh turned away from her and spent the rest of their time with her eyes on the bench outside. The blonde wondered if she was imagining people out there. If there was a different world, a better one, that she could see. 

She didn’t ask. 

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**Group Message:** **🐯 Go Tigers! GCHS Cheer Group Chat!! 🐯**

_4:21 P.M. on Thursday, August 21._

_rarariley is now online._

**rarariley:** Hi everyone! I know some of you have your phones out, even though one of our rules is no phones at practice, but I just wanted to take a moment and say it’s louder than ideal! If we could keep it down during warmups, that would be great!

**satan 4:20:** whats the ideal

**rarariley:** Ideally?? 

**rarariley:** Not??? loud!???

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

From up close, Farrah looked like she was about to fall apart. 

Reese couldn’t remember the last time that she was alone with the younger girl. It was almost sad, really… the team was too small to not know everyone, but yet, no one seemed to care much about each other. Part of it was a lack of interest, of course. The senior had always seemed to be the only one interested in being friends rather than teammates, apart from Riley. And it was hard to tell with the redhead, at times. She could be sweet and warm and welcoming, but she always seemed to be on the edge of a nervous breakdown. 

It had gotten worse since they’d grown older. Although Cairo and Riley were much closer, Reese and the redhead had actually known each other for longer. They’d been in the same class from kindergarten onwards. They had never been close friends, really, but the two of them had stuck together up until fourth grade. There was protection in being something like a duo. People were less likely to make fun of you if you had a group, even if it was just one other person. 

In fourth grade, things changed. Reese couldn’t remember whether Cairo had been new to the school or if she’d simply been in a different class before, but there was someone else that Riley had who cared about her. That was fine… it wasn’t as if the redhead forgot about her entirely, of course. To give the captain credit, she was always trying to be kind to Reese. To everyone, really. Even if she came off too strongly at times, the senior knew the girl’s heart was in the right place. 

Still. 

It hadn’t made watching Cairo and Riley get so much closer than anything Reese had easier… But maybe growing up was just like that. Maybe growing up meant losing friends and sleep, and getting your heart broken more times than you could count. 

If Farrah was any example, it certainly seemed universal. 

The girl did not look like she was having a particularly good day. Although, just the fact that she appeared (by Reese’s best estimate) to be sober was more than most of them had expected. The senior felt bad thinking that. Farrah was probably fifteen, sixteen at most. She had likely been no more than fourteen last year at the horrible competition. Being humiliated on YouTube and convinced that your team hates you after a pretty nasty fall was certainly a better reason than most teenagers had to pick up drinking. 

Reese sighed as she rolled out her own mat. High school sucked, you know? 

That had been a few minutes ago. The time since then had been filled with… nothing. It was silent. Far too silent, really. Even before her accident, Farrah had always been one of the more vocal members of the team. Sitting next to her without so much as a bitter comment felt wrong. 

“Hey!” Reese tried for a smile to get the sophomore’s attention after a few moments. “Earth to Farrah?” 

The younger girl just glared at her in response, but even that was more subdued than usual. From this close, the senior could see that her eyeliner was smudged slightly. Her concealer didn’t quite obscure the dark circles under her eyes. It made Reese feel like crying, somehow. It was so stupid. She didn’t know Farrah. She didn’t even like her that much. Most of their interactions hadn’t exactly been pleasant. 

Right now, however, it felt like Reese was talking to a ghost. 

The senior waited for another few seconds for Farrah to reply. When she didn’t, Reese kept going. She was a nervous rambler. Warming up in silence sounded like hell. Not that Farrah looked like she was planning on stretching, though. She hadn’t even gotten her bag or mat before coming over to the corner. The sophomore was just sitting there on her phone, staring at it like it was the most interesting thing she’d ever seen. When Reese peaked over, she noticed the screen wasn’t even on. 

So things were going _great._

“Uhh…” She started again, not really sure what she was trying for. The senior knew from personal experience that people often choose not to like her. She couldn’t will Farrah into being her friend or even replying… but doing nothing didn’t feel like an option, either. If the younger girl didn’t warm up, Riley would get upset and then everyone would take sides and nothing would get done. It would just end, as every practice had since the accident, with everyone hating each other.

At this point, she was hoping for a miracle, although Reese wasn’t sure if that was how they worked. Things like that were more Annleigh’s area of expertise than her own. Her parents sometimes went to church on holidays, but she hadn’t grown up with a significant amount of knowledge about religion. 

It sure looked like this team would need some divine intervention before they were even close to functional, though. 

Reese coughed. “Um… are you feeling okay, Farrah? You’re not warming up… do you need anything?” Water, maybe. Or someone else to be her warm up partner… 

She made eye contact with the younger girl for a few seconds. The sophomore seemed to be mulling over whether she’d answer or if she could keep pretending to be on her phone. Reese felt her breath catch in her throat. _Please don’t start yelling. Please don’t start yelling…_

“I’m fine. I’m just not going to cheer if _she’s_ still on the team.” Farrah nodded in Chess’s direction before turning back to her device. It still wasn’t on. The senior almost wondered if it was broken. Asking about that didn’t seem to be the most pressing issue, though. 

“Well… what if it’s not stunting? We probably aren’t doing that on day one, right? Riley’s probably just going to teach us—” She cut herself off. _You’re not part of the team._ It was easy to forget when the redhead let her stretch. Even if it was just because they needed an even number, it had made her feel better. It wouldn’t stop some of the other members from mocking her, though. Farrah typically didn’t have as much to say about it as Cairo did, but it would still be better not to slip up in front of her. “You guys— a new cheer. Wouldn’t that be okay?” 

Farrah glared at her. “No. It wouldn’t be fucking okay. I don’t care whether it’s a stunt or not. She dropped me. She was high and she _dropped_ me. She shouldn’t get to be here.” 

It was clear that Farrah was upset, and Reese didn’t want to take that away from her. Still, the argument that she was putting forward sounded… a little childish. The kind of argument toddlers learn first to steal toys on the playground. _She took it first!_ It seemed like it was trying to hide what Farrah actually felt. Honestly, Reese didn’t really blame the younger girl for being upset with Chess. Even though she thought the ex-gymnast’s behavior was understandable in some ways, it didn’t excuse it. 

But it had been a mistake. Reese was sure of that. Chess would never have dropped Farrah on purpose. She deserved a second chance as much as the sophomore did, coming to half the practices drunk last year and falling countless times on her own accord. 

Everyone deserved another chance, even the people you had the hardest time forgiving. Especially those people. 

No matter what had happened that day, though, something had been lost… and the senior wasn’t sure that they would ever be able to get it back. 

It wasn’t fair. 

“You don’t even want to be on this team. Why do you stay if you don’t want to be here? No one made you try out again.” Reese had spoken before she realized it. Almost immediately, she wanted to take the words back. It was just… just so unfair. She’d worked her whole life to try and make a team like this. She was just as talented as all the girls here. And it never mattered. Rejection, time after time. Farrah had the life Reese wanted to have, at least in this regard. She was petite, she was skinny, she made the team easily. 

“If you aren’t going to bother working, why don’t you just go?” It could have been Reese’s spot, if Farrah wasn’t going to take it seriously. It should have been. The same went for almost everyone else who exclaimed loudly they didn’t want to be here. Didn’t they know how much she cared? Didn’t they understand what she would have done to be one of them? 

… she hadn’t meant to be so mean, though. That wasn’t fair. Farrah was probably going through a lot. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean all of that.” 

Farrah was blinking at her with something like shock on her face. It was almost as if she’d never really looked at Reese before. She opened her mouth to answer, but before she could—

—someone started yelling. 

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**New Contact:** Eva Sanchez

_(351-XXX-XXX)_

**New Contact:** Clark (Giles Corey)

_(978-XXX-XXX)_

**Clark (Giles Corey):** testing 

**Eva Sanchez:** Got it! 

**Clark (Giles Corey):** awesome! I’ll make sure to text you if I ever see a practice that’s more eventful than this one haha

_Eva Sanchez has laughed at a message at 4:29 P.M._

**Eva Sanchez:** Lol!! Please do! 

**Eva Sanchez:** I honestly can’t see how a practice could be more eventful than this one ngl 

**Clark (Giles Corey):** oh, trust me

**Clark (Giles Corey):** they’re honestly just getting started.

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

Riley was trying her best to be a good person when she can, but it was incredibly difficult not to hate Kate Dalton sometimes.

The two of them had never gotten along. Even last year, when Riley hadn’t been the captain and the now-junior had been just another first year on the squad, the girls had taken a mutual dislike of each other. Kate was loud and obnoxious and convinced that she was right about absolutely everything. Riley knew that she could be the first two, whether or not people realized it was an act, but the redhead was at least willing to compromise when she was wrong. 

That was the problem in the end, though. Both of them were putting on faces. Facades. Different personalities and shields to defend against what they didn’t want the outside world to know. They recognized it in each other, and that had always strained the relationship. Neither knew what the other was trying to hide, of course, but just knowing that someone is concealing something is in and of itself a weak spot. So they fought constantly, refusing to yield any ground, determined to hate each other with enough passion to convince everyone (and themselves most of all) that they were not the same. 

It was better than nothing. It was a system, at least. It was rocky at best, but it was consistent. Kate hated Riley. Riley… disliked Kate. They were typically content with this. Content to separate and not interact, to ignore each other whenever possible, to position themselves so they would never have cause to exist somewhere one-on-one. It had worked for the last year. 

… but now they were alone. 

Riley reached for her mat and laid it out, sitting down. The redhead felt like falling asleep right here on the cold, gym floor. She was exhausted. It had only been thirty minutes, and already it was a nightmare. There was too much fighting. The senior had never been good with conflict. It reminded her too much of—

_The house floors shake when her parents fight. The child doesn’t understand how exactly, because she’s too young to understand the idea of sound waves and pressure. All she knows is that when her windows start rattling, it’s better to hide upstairs._

_She thinks she’d like to lock her doors, but there aren’t any. Cairo said that’s normal. Not to have locks, that is. She said her bedroom doesn’t have them either, and Cai’s parents never fight like her own do. The redhead asked her friend about it once. If they did. The taller girl seemed surprised at the question, as if it was something that she’d never considered before._

_How nice it must be, the child thinks. How nice it must be to be confused by the idea of your parents shouting, screaming, crying._

_Riley is jealous of her friend’s family sometimes. Of her mother who’s always singing along to the music on the radio when the two girls get home from school. Of her father who’s so tall that he always jokes about having to duck through doorways. Of Cairo’s two little siblings, even if her friend talks about how much work they are. The redhead is even jealous of her little white dog, the one that growls at her no matter how often she comes over. She is jealous because Cairo’s house feels like a home, and no matter how hard she tries, her own just feels like blank walls and shaking windows and screaming._

_The child pulls the covers of her bed over her head, hiding herself from the dark, but she is old enough to know that the monster under her bed will never be more real than the ones who yell downstairs._

On her left, Kate seemed to have expected more forced conversation. Riley chattering on about the team, maybe, or asking her about how she knew Eva Sanchez. If she hadn’t felt so exhausted, the redhead might have tried. For now, though, it was no use. Dalton always ended up disagreeing with her in the end, so there was no use in starting a fight she couldn’t win. 

She felt herself shaking. ~~There hadn’t been time to drink the smoothie Cairo had brought for her.~~ That wasn’t true. She just hadn’t. Her stomach had been in too many knots to properly digest it anyway. She had chewed on the straw for a while, a nervous habit she’d picked up years earlier and had never been able to shake, but Riley couldn’t get herself to drink it. It would make her feel sick, and she already felt poorly enough. Cairo was supposed to stop doing this, stop bringing her things. Her friend had done it all their lives. Didn’t she know how guilty Riley felt already? 

It would have been better to drink it, though. It would have been better to have left, really. To have not showed up at all. To not have run for captain last year. Cairo could have done it, or maybe no one would have and she could have just left this obsession behind her. It would have been better, better, better. 

_In the fifth grade, Riley gets an A in every subject but one at school. Her math score is a B, but the teacher said that she thought the next semester, it would probably be at least an A-. She enters the house smiling brightly for once, and it’s quiet. Her father must not be home from work, yet. That’s okay… she can show them separately. That would probably go better, anyway._

_“Hi, Mom…” Her mother’s room is dark when she enters it. Is she having another bad day again? It’s hard to tell now, because they happen so often. The child closes the door softly behind her, because she knows that her mother detests it when she lets the fluorescent lighting in the hallway in. Supposedly, it sets off her headaches. “I’m home…!”_

_(Riley thinks it’s odd, how the headaches never stop her from shouting. But she doesn’t say that. Thinking it at all makes her feel guilty enough.)_

Kate’s saying something, but the senior doesn’t really hear it. The world around her feels fuzzy, sort of. She can feel the yoga mat under her, but the rest of the gym swims as if it’s suddenly underwater. Oh… oh… oh… 

… she knows what’s going to happen, that she’s about to faint, but her own body feels like a stranger’s. Everything is tinged with black and the edges of her vision are staticy, like trying to adjust the channel on an antique television. 

“Riley…?” She thinks someone might be asking her a question, but a wave of dizziness threatens to overtake her. Why did practice have to be so loud? Why do they always have to fight? Isn’t there enough fighting in her head?

_Her mother doesn’t smile when she takes the report card that the child offers her. There’s a hot water bottle under her back and a washcloth over her forehead. Riley never knows what end effect she’s looking for, whether she’s looking to be hot or cool. She tried to ask once, tried to help, but the woman said she just made it worse by talking._

_(“I don’t need to hear your voice right now, Riley.” She hasn’t tried to help again.)_

_There’s a few moments of silence before her mother looks up at her from her position on the chair, report card grasped loosely in her left hand. “What about this? Do you need it signed or something?”_

_(Can you feel it when your heart breaks? She asked Cairo once, but her friend had laughed. ‘It’s just a metaphor, Rye. It doesn’t actually do anything.’ It feels like it does, though. It feels like she’s falling to pieces.)_

_“N… no…” The redhead whispers, her voice barely audible. She has to resist the urge to snatch for the paper back. It suddenly feels too personal to have shown someone who doesn’t deserve to see that part of her, someone who has made it clear over and over that she doesn’t care about how Riley feels. “I just… wanted to show you.”_

_(I thought you’d be proud. I thought you might care, this time. I thought this might be enough.)_

_Silly._

_“Oh.” Her mother purses her lips again, looking back at the paper. Sometimes, she pretends to care. It’s almost worse, really. It would be better not to play games. Why bother to try when everyone knows it’s a sham? There’s no use in pretending. “Almost perfect. That’s… good. Just work on the math grade.”_

_Almost. Almost. Almost. That’s all Riley Williams knows. Almost. Almost Almost._

_Almost perfect. Almost loved. Almost_ **_enough_ ** _._

“Riley?” She doesn’t even know whose voice it is. The world is darkening, fading. Someone is shaking her. It doesn’t help. It just makes her more dizzy. “Riley, what’s happening?” They ask again, but she doesn’t have the energy to answer. It’s just a fainting spell, she wants to say. It happens sometimes. It’s happened before. Her head is too heavy. It would be nice if the world wasn’t hazy and if she could remember what was real and what was her memories. 

_When she leaves her mother’s room, she shoves the report card in the trash. The child can’t stand to look at it anymore than she already has._

Someone is yelling now, she thinks. “Hey! Riley? Riley?! Cairo...! I think something’s wrong-” It strikes her as odd. That voice with concern in it. Concern for her. She doesn’t think she’s ever heard them sound like that before. There’s footsteps, people running from somewhere nearby. “I d-don’t… I don’t know what happened, she’s just…” She thinks it might be Kate, talking. Not to her anymore. It all feels like it’s happening in slow motion, but she knows that it’s probably moving far too fast for her to process. 

“Move.” Someone else barks, but when she feels hands lowering her gently down into what must be someone’s lap, they’re gentle. “It’s alright, Rye…” Cairo murmurs to her, before she finally loses consciousness. “I’m here. I’ve got you…” 

The world goes dark. 

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**Direct Message:** **Cairo @ mom**

_4:37 P.M. on Thursday, August 21._

**Cairo:** hey mom, i’m gonna bring R home w/ me tonight. she fainted at practice. 

**mom:** Oh no!! Is she alright?? Did she hit her head or anything? Did you call for an ambulance?

**Cairo:** i think she’s ok. kate noticed her starting to faint but she was sitting down. i caught her before she lost consciousness. she was only out for a few seconds and now im making her drink water. i think she had an anxiety attack. she used to get them a lot when we were kids

**mom:** I remember... well, it’s more than okay if she comes here, of course. Do you think I should call her parents and tell them? 

**Cairo:** i don’t know… i was wondering that too. im not sure R wants them to know. 

**Cairo:** it’s not like theyre home right now… she said they wouldn’t be back till next week at least. and u know they wouldn’t come back smth for this either. 

**mom:** I know… poor thing. 

**mom:** I’ll hold off on calling them tonight. Maybe she can spend the rest of the week here until they get back? I don’t like thinking about her in that big house all by herself. 

**Cairo:** i’ll ask her when she’s a bit more focused… see you at home later. love u

**mom:** Call me if anything changes! Love you too! ❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm back! Sorry that it took a bit for this update... writing for large groups at practice with a ton of dialogue is not my forte. Thankfully, now that the first practice is (almost) over, we can go back to having less fast-paced scenes with so many people in them. 
> 
> Also, I made Eva and Mattie friends because I could... I think they both deserve it. Also, I just love them!
> 
> As always, thank you guys so much for your continued support of this story!! We're only 11 pages away from the 100 page mark on Google Docs, so that's a huge achievement! We've definitely passed the longest thing I've ever written and posted by now, which is super exciting. I couldn't have done it without how wonderful all you guys are and how supportive you've been! Your comments and tags on tumblr and everything make my day!! So thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart!
> 
> We're moving out of what had to happen to introduce the plot and into uncharted territory! As much as I have a notion of where I'd like this story to go, I'd also love to get input from you guys too!! If there's a specific pairing or dynamic that you'd like to see more of, feel free to let me know in the comments on here or ask / dm me on Tumblr. I'd love to hear who you guys would like to see interact! 
> 
> That's all for now! Have a good night / day and as always, try to get plenty of rest, drink some water, and take a moment for yourself! You've got this!
> 
> ~ Paige <3 
> 
> (Come say hi and get updates on Tumblr, @moxy-by-proxy !!)


	6. 006. Tell Me It's Going To Be Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is not a member of the Tigers that is emotionally stable, and I think that's incredibly relatable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little more hurt / comfort than some of the others have been, especially in Cairo and Riley's part, but I think it will help advance the healing process in the end... and I also wanted to write about cuddling and couldn't think of another way to do it. Whoops!
> 
> **WARNING** If you're prone to dissociation or moments of unreality and you think there's the potential for this to happen when reading about it, please skip Riley's POV! It begins after Chess calls Kate a few times and she doesn't pick up. It's not specifically unreality, but it's written when Riley's going through a moment where she's struggling to focus and not get lost in her memories and head, so please exercise caution and stay safe! Cairo summarizes everything without detail in her second POV, so you won't miss anything! <3
> 
> TW: Other content warnings for this chapter include: drinking (pretty much what's shown with Farrah in the show), a few minor references to drugs and the accident where Chess is high, and general discussion about anxiety and depression. The biggest thing is what's stated above for sure, though, so make sure to stay safe, everyone!
> 
> (As a note once again, I write a lot of these things based on my own experiences (like Riley's reaction to stress in this and a few other things), so I apologize in advance if some of them don't make sense in the way I've described them or if I'm poorly communicating something! I try my best to describe everything accurately, but I'm sure I'm also going to make some mistakes a long the way... thank you for your patience!)

**New Voicemail:** **From Mattie Wheeler**

_4:43 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

_“Hi Mom! It’s me, again. I was just calling to let you know that practice ended a little early, so Reese is going to take me home now. I’ll text you when I get there, but, um, just wanted to keep you updated on everything. I’ll… tell you more when you get home tonight. Hope your shift is going well! Love you!”_

_Voicemail ended._ **_Play again?_ **

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


You don’t truly realize how dysfunctional a group is until there’s an emergency. 

(Especially when the person involved in the emergency is supposed to be the designated leader of said group.)

“What the fuck-” Cairo could only hear bits and pieces of the conversation happening behind her, but it probably wouldn’t have made much more sense if she’d been an active participant. What she was mainly getting was swearing (or, in Annleigh’s case, what counted for swearing at a third grade summer camp). Everyone had gathered around her and Riley, who was still lying with her head in her lap after she’d lost consciousness. She didn’t know how long it had been since she’d run over here. Probably no more than a few minutes. Enough time to send a text to her mother to let her know she was bringing her friend home with her for the night. That was non-optional. 

It was also enough time for her to check to make sure that Riley had regained consciousness. The girl had her eyes closed tightly, but Cairo could tell that she was lucid. The redhead had told her once when they were younger that fainting made her dizzy, like the world turned upside down, so Cai didn’t put pressure on her to open them. The captain wasn’t always the best at taking care of herself, but her friend didn’t know how she was feeling either. As concerned as she was that Riley needed to get something in her system, it was better to take it slow. Too much movement would probably set off another wave of anxiety. 

Cairo had known Riley for most of her life, but times like this always overwhelmed her. She felt useless. It wasn’t unlike her friend to panic, but it had been years since had happened. The taller girl had thought they were past this, if only because Riley kept adamantly insisting that things were better. Better at home, better in her head, just… better. 

~~But what if they weren’t?~~

What if Riley had just stopped telling her about things like this? What if they’d kept going, kept happening, but Cairo had just been left out of the loop. She knew that her dynamic with her friend had changed as they’d grown older. They were always going to be very different people. High school made it hard for them to coexist as they used to, peacefully and without the interfering eyes of others. Still, the dark-haired girl hadn’t even considered the possibility that Riley might have been keeping some of what she was going through from her. It had always been the two of them. Cairo and Riley. Riley and Cairo. Them against the world. Growing up hadn’t changed that.

… had it?

_Why didn’t you tell me how much this was hurting you, Riley…?_ She wanted to ask, but it wasn’t the right moment. There were too many people here, too many eyes, and she’d known the redhead long enough to know how much she disliked being the center of attention. Cairo ran her hand over Riley’s forehead to make sure she wasn’t feverish. Her temperature didn’t seem different than normal. _Why are you putting so much pressure on yourself?_

“Is she alive?” Someone asked behind Cairo. It sounded like Reese. “Did anyone check for a pulse??” 

“Riley’s not _dead_ , Reeses! She just passed out.” She didn’t even have to turn around to know Farrah was rolling her eyes. “Pretty sure she still has a pulse.” 

Before Cairo could snap at the other senior, someone else shushed her. Chess, probably. “I’m sure she’s alright. Let’s give her some space, though, okay?” Out of the corner of her eye, she watched the gymnast usher the small crowd away from them. One of her arms was wrapped around Kate, who had been disconcertingly silent for longer than Cairo had ever seen her. She was grateful for the girl’s help for once. The last thing Riley needed was another fight breaking out. If this team could just… could just… function, work properly like it had before last year… 

She closed her eyes, trying to let the what-might-have-beens out. That wasn’t what anyone needed right now. Riley had always been the fanciful one, with her head so far up in the clouds it was a wonder she didn’t suffer from oxygen loss. Cairo was the realist in this relationship. She kept her friend grounded. 

(Sometimes, Cairo was afraid of what might happen if she couldn’t be there for Riley. If she wasn’t enough, in the end. When you let go of a balloon string, how far would it float away until the world pierced it and sent it tumbling down?)

(Cairo didn’t want to know the answer.)

There was a soft noise from the girl in her lap, startling the senior out of her thoughts. Riley had turned into her slightly, head buried into her chest, and judging by the way her shoulders shook… she was crying. Something in that noise broke Cairo’s heart. The redhead had been so excited for this practice, so convinced she could make things better. _I should have told her,_ Cairo thought, the guilt in her stomach making her nauseous. _I should never have let her run knowing how much this team would take from her. I should have run against her or something, even if she’d hate me for it… I should have-_

But she hadn’t. In the end, that was all there was to say. 

She adjusted Riley in her arms, hating how frail she felt when she was like this. Cai knew that she needed to get her up, make her drink something at the very least. But the water bottles had been left over by the bleachers, where everyone had gathered, and she knew the last thing on Earth the redhead would want was for anyone else to see her cry. So she just sat there, holding her as gently as she could. Cairo wanted nothing more, had always wanted nothing more, than to latch onto her tightly and shield her from the world. The world that had never seemed to be fair to the two of them, no matter how hard they tried. There was so much that was wrong in the world, but Cairo had always thought that they would be fine. That she and Riley were the only things that couldn’t break. 

Maybe they’d been broken all along and she hadn’t even known. 

Cairo had always liked to fix things. She was good at it, too. Growing up, she’d always been the one to figure out what was wrong with the television, why the refrigerator was leaking, what was causing her car to make a strange sound. But people didn’t operate in a way she always understood. You couldn’t get inside of someone’s head to rewire a bug or patch a broken piece of code. Riley had always been the hardest to read. It felt like she kept trying to be different versions of herself, all facades that weren’t as interesting or as special as the real her. 

“Hey…” She whispered, resting her head softly on Riley’s as her friend pressed herself into her as tightly as she could. “I’ve got you, okay? I’ve got you…” 

It hurt to hear her soft sniffling, but it also struck her as too quiet. It was wrong, this lack of noise. Cairo wasn’t someone who cried often, but when she did, it wasn’t this breathless sort of shaking. She didn’t like other people to see her weak, of course, but this was something else. Something that had always bothered her over the years, as she watched the girl she’d known retract further and further into herself. Riley always cried like she was doing something wrong, breaking some sort of rule. She stifled her own noise preventatively, as if she thought that there would be trouble if someone heard her, knew that she was upset. 

(She didn’t have to ask who’d taught her that. She already knew.) 

It hurt. It hurt to listen to, even if Riley was the one scared and shaking and probably in pain. It hurt because it made Cairo feel so… so useless… she didn’t know what to do. She wanted to fix this, to fix what was wrong, but there were so many things wrong… she was just one person. 

“I’ve got you. I’ve got you. I’ve got you...” Cai whispered again and again and again, clutching her best friend in her arms. Hoping that everything would be okay. Hoping repeating it would make it true. 

Hoping, more than anything else, that Riley couldn’t feel how badly she was shaking, too. 

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


**Direct Message:** **checkers♟️ @ girl in red**

_4:49 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

**checkers♟️:** Kate

**checkers♟️:** Kate…

**checkers♟️:** Katie, where did you go? 

**checkers♟️:** It wasn’t your fault that Riley fainted, okay? You couldn’t have known what was going to happen. I’m sure no one blames you. Just please tell me where you ran off to- 

**checkers♟️:** Eva’s worried too,,

**checkers♟️:** ………………… okay, I get it… I know you like to be alone sometimes. Just… please text me if you want company and don’t do anything reckless, okay?

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


As soon as she could after Riley had collapsed, Farrah had slipped out of the gym. 

She was probably going to catch hell for it from Annleigh later, and she knew that. It would just be one more strike on her record of disappointing her sister, lately. But what did it matter if she’d stayed or not? Cairo was the only one who knew how to handle Riley and it wasn’t like she was going to be letting anyone else near the captain anytime soon. Chess, acting with authority that no one had given her for the record, had already dismissed everyone from the practice. The brunette supposed that she’d know best about overexertion as an ex-athlete herself, but that still didn’t make Farrah feel more inclined to listen to her. 

_Suddenly you know so much about falling, do you?_ She’d worked hard to keep herself from rolling her eyes until she was in the safety of the bathroom outside the main gymnasium. 

It was awkward, waiting in the bathroom, but it beat standing out there. Everyone looked so fucking concerned. It drove Farrah crazy. _She’s fine!_ , the sophomore had wanted to scream. _It wasn’t like *she* got a concussion or anything._ It was ridiculous. Half these people didn’t even like Riley, but they still were acting like she’d had some terrible accident. 

What a bunch of fucking hypocrites. 

Without much effort, Farrah hopped onto the bathroom counter. It was neither the most sanitary or the most comfortable place she’d ever been, but at least it was quiet. She wasn’t really noise sensitive, not like Annleigh, but it was hard to hear herself think over everyone else yelling. Unzipping her backpack, the sophomore grabbed the water bottle she’d tucked away at the bottom. It wasn’t as if she particularly cared about hiding it, really. It was probably smart not to take it to school, of course, but it had been easy enough to smuggle in when Clark had brought her back. She wondered, briefly, if he might have known that’s why she had wanted to go home. Annleigh always brought her exercise clothes to school, even if they lived close enough to run back. 

If the boy had known, he was nice enough not to tell her sister from what she’d gathered. Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe he was the only person left in the world who believed the best in her. 

Farrah scoffed. That wouldn’t last much longer. It never did. 

She had downed a fair amount of the alcohol, letting the burning in the back of her throat wake her up, when the door opened. Farrah instinctively folded her arms around the bottle. Not that it would do much good, in the end. Her sister was probably already texting their parents that she’d be coming back drunk. Really, any member of the squad would have suspected what she was doing in here. It bothered her a bit, the way they talked about it, but it hurt less with the vodka in her system. Everything did. That was why she kept coming back to it. 

Surprisingly, however, it wasn’t her sister who entered or even a different member of the squad. It was that girl from West High, Eva Sanchez. The one Riley never shut up about. Even last year, Farrah could remember the redhead chattering away about her. Her brow furrowed when she remembered the memories, hands curling into fists defensively as she tried to push the memories of her first few weeks on the team. Everything had been so different then. It felt so alien to remember, as if she was watching a movie of someone else’s life and not reliving her own. Freshman year Farrah felt like a different person. She had been so stupidly naive back then, almost as bubbly and optimistic as Riley. Getting on the team meant everything to her, because Annleigh had done it. That was all she’d cared about back then. Annleigh, Annleigh, Annleigh. Making her sister proud somehow. 

Farrah had been so convinced that being on the team would do that, would make Annleigh notice her again. She’d done everything she could to get her to see her, to watch her stunts, to be proud of her… it hadn’t mattered in the end. Her sister never had time for her. Why would she? Who needed Farrah when you had a perfect life and perfect friends and a perfect little boyfriend who could give you all you ever wanted? Farrah wasn’t something Annleigh had ever planned for, had ever wanted. Why would she? Why would she care about her when she already had a life plan set in stone? 

Farrah wasn’t the last puzzle piece in the box. She was the first in another, one Annleigh never seemed to have an interest in putting together. 

Freshman year had taught her that clearly. There was never going to be a happy ending for people like her. So why bother pretending? 

“Oh…!” Eva blinked, as if surprised to see Farrah sitting on the bathroom counter. She couldn’t blame the girl. It wasn’t exactly a normal place to relax. “Hey! You’re... Farrah, right?” 

She had a sweet sounding voice, the sophomore noted. A little like sunshine, not that she was into metaphors. English nerds like Kate would probably be able to analyze her better. Either way, Farrah decided she didn’t like it. Didn’t like Eva. 

(Or maybe she just didn’t want to be reminded of when she’d hung onto Riley’s every word about her. Maybe she didn’t want to remember how she’d aspired to be just as good as her. Better, even. Maybe she couldn’t handle that, okay? Shut up, shut up, shut up.) 

( _Maybe if you’d been as good as she was, you wouldn’t have fallen._ Shut. Up.) 

“Farrah, yeah. That’s me.” It wasn’t worth being rude to her, though. Eva was probably having a shitty enough time, honestly. What on Earth had Chess and Kate said to convince her to come to a Tigers’ practice? Her brown eyes raked over the taller girl, who had tucked her hands into the pockets of her jean jacket. The sophomore noted the pins on one side, although she was too far away to be able to read them. Rainbow heart. Interesting. 

Well, that might make more sense in some ways for why she decided to come, Farrah almost smirked. 

“Cool. Cool…” Eva seemed to be someone who rambled when she got nervous. It reminded the sophomore of Annleigh in some ways. Or, at least, the version of Annleigh that her sister liked to present. Farrah also knew that she could be unnervingly quiet at times, too. They both could. Neither of them liked to talk about it, though. “Uhh… are you good? Sorry,” She held up her hands to indicate she hadn’t meant offense. “But, um… you are just sitting in the bathroom.” 

The sophomore snorted. “It’s an improvement to being out there, wouldn’t you say?” She blinked lazily. The alcohol she’d downed was starting to take effect, although she hadn’t had that much. It usually started with a warm, buzzing sound. Farrah couldn’t explain it, exactly, but it was better than her life usually was. It made everything a little less coherent, urgent. “Want some?” Feeling generous, she offered the bottle to Eva. 

The brunette raised an eyebrow at her, but took the water bottle hesitantly. She sniffed it and then blinked, passing it back. “Is this vodka...? I’ll pass.” Eva didn’t seem particularly offended by the fact Farrah had alcohol, though. Nor did she make a scene like Annleigh and Riley would have. The West High student seemed a little more relaxed than anyone on this team. Whatever the reason, the sophomore was grateful. 

“Bummer. I always assumed West High kids were more fun than these rich assholes.” Farrah took the water bottle back from her, gulping down another mouthful. “You don’t drink?” 

“At four in the afternoon? In a school bathroom?” Eva raised an eyebrow. Her tone was still teasing, though. As if they were old friends sharing a joke or something. It made Farrah feel sort of funny in a way she didn’t quite understand. “Not as often as is common around here, apparently…!” 

Farrah rolled her eyes. “Funny.” A smirk was playing around her lips. “Why are you in here, anyway? Your new friends dump you like they do everyone else?” 

The younger girl hadn’t exactly meant it to sound so accusatory. The air in the room shifted from easy banter to something more serious. Farrah almost wished she could take it back. The brunette frowned slightly, hands shoved further into her jacket pockets. Eva leaned against one of the sinks, taking time to consider it. “No, nothing like that. Kate ran away too, probably around the same time you did. She wouldn’t answer Chess’s texts, so I told her I’d help her look. Um, but… if I’m honest, I don’t know what would happen if I did find her. I’m not really sure… what’s happening.” 

“Better to let her girlfriend run after her, anyway.” The sophomore sneered. “Unless you wanted to kiss it all better or something first.” There was buzzing in her head. It still wasn’t much, not nearly as much as she would have liked, but it wasn’t making this conversation easy to navigate. Farrah knew she shouldn’t be a dick to Eva. It wasn’t as if the West High student had ever done anything to her, except show up at the wrong time and befriend the wrong people on the team. Her father was always getting on her case for taking her anger out on the wrong people. Farrah rolled her eyes. As if he’d appreciate it if she took it out on the right ones, either. 

Eva frowned more deeply, but there was a hint of color that rushed to her face. “What? No! Nothing like that, jeez…” She crossed her arms. The two of them were almost mirrored. “You don’t seem to like Kate or Chess much…” The junior noted. 

The snort was released before Farrah had actually meant to. “God, did no one tell you what happened? Christ, I almost feel bad!” 

The older girl’s frown deepened. “You mean last year at competition?” Her eyes raked over Farrah for a few seconds before widening in recognition. “Shit… so that was you, then? You’re their flier? Fuck, I’m sorry about that video. It’s shit when they get things like that on tape. Right before a comp one time, we practiced our ending stunt and my spotter didn’t get my head in time. Long story short, I was dumped very ungracefully right onto the gym mat.” She rubbed the back of her neck as if she could still feel the impact. “Since it was practice, no one was filming, but honestly… it probably would have been pretty funny to watch after everything was fine. I definitely found some very creative expletives to yell…!” 

West High kids were a strange type. Or, at least, Eva was. Better not to speak collectively, she supposed. The other flier was probably the first person that Farrah had met since the accident to not lay on fake sympathy, despite being one of the only ones who might actually have understood the fall. The sophomore was sick of ‘but you’re okay now’ and ‘bad stunts happen!’. It didn’t excuse what her life had become since them. It didn’t make it anymore okay Chess had come to competition high. 

( _It doesn’t make you any less scared to practice again._ ) 

(Shut up.) 

Sanchez was different. Farrah watched her without really listening as she babbled away about other failed stunts she’d been involved in. Wasn’t this girl supposed to be the highest ranking flier in the state or whatever? Why was she so open about all the times she’d fallen? If Farrah had been highly ranked, she wouldn’t let anyone know there was a part of her that wasn’t perfect. Yet, here Eva was, trying to make a complete stranger feel better with her own embarrassing stories.

What a world this was. 

“Chess was high.” The words tumbled out before she could stop them. Farrah wasn’t even sure why she said them. Maybe for sympathy? Maybe just to see how she’d respond? Maybe because, for once, she wanted someone who understood to be on her side. Farrah hadn’t been drunk at that competition, but everyone else had taken the older girl’s side anyway. Everyone had. Just because it was Chess. Perfect, sweet, wonderful, Chess, who was loved more by strangers and Olympic fans than Farrah would ever be by her own family. “That’s why she dropped me.” 

There was a moment of silence while Eva considered the words. The sophomore appreciated it, the fact she seemed to care enough to consider what Farrah had said, even as her arms wrapped more tightly around herself in panic. This was a stupid idea. There was no good outcome. Either Eva would get mad and yell at Farrah, or she’d be upset with Chess and then the brunette had just ruined a potential friendship.

_God, why are you always like this?_ The thoughts that alcohol usually kept away came back at full force. _This is why everyone hates you._

Finally, the junior sighed. “I didn’t ever watch the video. My team kept talking about it, though, and you know…” She waved a hand. “You couldn’t hear the rumors. In the end, I got in trouble for fighting with another girl about it. I wasn’t the captain last year, not as a sophomore, and this girl wouldn’t shut up about it. I almost didn’t get to be captain because of what happened, but I didn’t care. My family had been such big fans of Chess… we’d watched her all the way up until her accident. Even after we kept rooting for her. But, in the end… honestly, I guess we were sort of the problem, weren’t we? Fans like that, I mean. We wanted her to succeed so badly at something we didn’t ask ourselves what it was costing her. What it was costing everyone, really…” 

Farrah hadn’t realized she’d started shaking. She wrapped her arms more tightly around each other, hoping Eva couldn’t tell. 

The older girl ran a hand through her hair, sighing. “It wasn’t okay she was high. It just wasn’t. It goes against everything I believe as a captain. Your team is supposed to be there for you, at least as far as catching you goes. I’ve learned pretty quickly the whole ‘your team is family’ speech is kind of bullshit. Most of my team hates me.” She chuckled, but there wasn’t a lot of humor in it. “They hate that I’m strict and I report them if I catch them drinking or being unsafe at practice. They hate that I got to be captain as a junior when the older girls think it should have gone to someone with seniority. And most really aren’t fond of the whole gay thing.” She joked, tone light in a way that didn’t quite cover up some of the pain under there. 

“But I don’t think they’re going to drop me. I don’t worry in the air that no one’s going to catch me. I’ve had falls, sure, but they’ve been accidents. I’ve been at fault for some of them, even. No matter how bad things get on the team, I’m at least sure I’ll land safely ninety nine percent of the time. It’s a ratio I’m confident in…” Eva sighed. “In the end, I’m just really sorry you didn’t get that. I’ve only known Chess for like a day, but I could guess it wasn’t on purpose. But, coming from someone who does the same routines, I know it doesn’t make it any better. There’s something that changes the first time you hit the ground. No one really talks about it, though…” 

Farrah just stared at her. She didn’t have the words to say. Honestly, she didn’t know if there were any. How did Eva know exactly what she was feeling? How could the junior understand someone she’d met for five minutes better than her own sister could? 

The brunette gave a sad sort of smile in her direction. “I should probably head back and see if they found Kate…” She joked, readjusting her jacket. “But it was nice to meet you! If you ever, you know, wanna talk about it or something, I gave your captain my number earlier! She said something about adding me to the group chat…” Of course Riley had roped Eva Sanchez into somehow co-captaining this team. It was so in character that Farrah couldn’t help but almost smile. 

“Cool.” The sophomore shrugged, trying not to show how affected she’d been by the speech. “Guess I’ll see you later, then.” 

Eva smiled brightly, brown eyes twinkling. Whatever. Farrah didn’t notice. Or care. Whatever. Shut up. “See you!” 

With that, she bounced away, leaving Farrah alone save for her thoughts and the half-emptied water bottle. 

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


_You have missed a call from_ **_‘_ ** **checkers♟️** **_’_ ** _at 4:51 P.M._

_You have missed a call from_ **_‘_ ** **checkers♟️** **_’_ ** _at 4:57 P.M._

_You have missed a call from_ **_‘_ ** **checkers♟️** **_’_ ** _at 5:02 P.M._

**‘checkers♟️’** _is calling. Accept?_

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


The redhead was drifting in and out of reality. 

It happened sometimes, when she was exhausted. It became harder for her to understand what was real. More than anything, she got confused as to where she was and what was currently happening. Lights and sounds blurred together with memories, trapping her inside her own head in a way she couldn’t quite describe. It was like watching her life on autopilot. Someone else might as well have been seated here in Cairo’s passenger seat, had their hand in Cairo’s hand, watched the car pull out of the Giles Corey parking lot with eyes that did not feel like her own. 

She was

_five and her parents are fighting again. Most days, it seems like all they ever do is fight. It’s so loud, it’s so loud, it’s so loud… but her mother got upset the last time the child mentioned that the noise hurt her head. Her mother and father don’t like being reminded of how sensitive she is, how everything makes her burst into tears, how it’s hard for her to get through a day of school without being sent home. She’s not in trouble, the teachers always tell her as they walk her to her mother’s car, but she’s always yelled at anyway. Riley doesn’t like when they shout at all, but it’s marginally better when it’s at someone else instead of her. (Is that bad? She thinks that might be bad… does that make her a bad daughter? She doesn’t know, she doesn’t know, she doesn’t know.) They don’t like being reminded of any of that, though, so she doesn’t ask._

_Her parents don't like being reminded Riley exists at all, really._

Cairo squeezed her hand, eyes staring at her with concern that she hasn’t seen in a long time. She’d finally gotten her friend to stop worrying about her. Now, it had all reset itself. Things were fine. They were fine, they were fine, they were fine. (They were fine as far as Cairo needed to know, at least.) She

_collapses at school for the first time when they’re in fourth grade. She doesn’t know what happened. One moment, she’s trying to come up with the answer to the teacher’s question (she doesn’t know it though, oh God, she doesn’t know the answer) and the next she was_

sitting in the car and Cairo was holding her hand, the hand that is her own even when it does not feel like it. Riley stared at her friend, watched her mouth move, but she couldn’t process the sounds she was making. It didn’t make sense at the moment. Nothing did, because the world didn’t, and she was so dizzy. She closed her eyes tightly, stomach threatening to overturn itself. Not that there was anything in there to lose. 

Whatever Cairo had told her, she hadn’t seemed to expect an answer. There was another squeeze of her hand (it was her hand, right?) before she heard the car start. Were they going home? Riley didn’t want to go home. Not to her house. It was empty there, and

_dark, dark, it’s dark, and Riley hates the dark. It doesn’t matter how old she is; she’s never grown out of her fear, the idea that there is something that she cannot see hiding just out of sight. She sleeps with her nightlight on for years until it seems unreasonable, childish, to keep doing so. Even still, the fear remains. Every noise is something waiting there, something unfamiliar and strange and dangerous, and_

it only made her curl more tightly into herself. The dark was an illusion that would go away if she just (open your eyes)- but she couldn’t. Riley couldn’t face what she might open them to. Where was she again? It’s hard to remember and it’s dark, it’s dark, it’s dark. 

She started to cry again. Again? There was wetness on her face that indicated she had been crying before, but that shouldn’t be right. It shouldn’t be right because she’s

_not allowed to cry, but she knows Cairo doesn’t understand what those words mean when she tells her friend. Cai is patient, holding her hand and rubbing her back, but she looks at Riley with such confusion that the redhead can tell she said something wrong. She doesn’t know how to explain it, the need to be quiet, to vanish, to stop existing when other people stare at her. Her parents don’t like it when she makes too much noise, but that’s not why she isn’t allowed to cry. It’s because doing so is something that she doesn’t feel she has the right to, not at home but certainly not in front of her best friend who is so patient and kind and who sits there and_

held her hand. Cairo was saying something again, squeezing her hand in steady pulses the way they’ve communicated before when she gets overwhelmed. Riley shook her head over and over again, refusing to open her eyes. It’s too dark with them closed, but she does not want to open them and see her big, empty house. It’s so childish and silly, but she’s scared. She’s scared and she doesn’t know why, only that she cannot be there alone right now. 

There was a brief release of her hand and Riley’s breath immediately quickened, desperately hoping Cairo hadn’t left, before she could hear the door open next to her. “It’s still me… do you want to hold back on, again?” Cairo whispered, asking permission to touch her as she always did. The redhead nodded, using all the strength she had left to force her eyes open. They land first on Cairo, who was gazing at her steadily from the outside of the car. There’s thinly veiled worry there, but she seemed to be trying her hardest to stay strong. Behind her was a pretty brick house with a perfectly kept lawn, flowers in bloom even this late into the winter. 

It’s not her house. Cairo didn’t take her there. This is Cairo’s house, and it’s good and it’s warm and it’s light. 

She almost collapsed again in relief. 

“Hey…” Cairo took her hand again gently, guiding her back to focus. “Do you feel like you can walk? We can sit here, too. I don’t think I can carry you…” She’d try, though, and that made Riley feel like crying. She doesn’t deserve this, not after everything. She never deserved Cairo. 

The redhead nodded. Walking she could do, as long it was into that house and not her own. As long as it was not dark. As long as Cairo didn’t let go of her hand. 

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


**Direct Message:** **checkers♟️ @ girl in red**

_5:15 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

**checkers♟️:** Katie, please, are you there???? 

**checkers♟️:** Eva has to get home… I’m gonna drive her back to her car and then I’ll be right back, okay? 

**checkers♟️:** Please call me back...

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


There was a treehouse in the O’Daniel’s backyard.

Annleigh couldn’t remember how it got there if she was honest. She didn’t have fond memories of her childhood building or decorating it or anything. It was just something that had always seemed to be there, as if it had been wished into existence. The brunette wasn’t sure if it had been built since she’d been born or if it had belonged to the previous owners of the house. It was hard to tell with treehouses. Certainly, it was old and faded, but that could have been from either age or poor weather. The floorboards creaked something horrible when you entered it, and the junior was always a bit worried about it collapsing the next time she set foot in there. There was only one entrance, too, a flimsy rope ladder with a few rings that had broken and never been replaced hanging off 

None of that mattered to Annleigh. To her, it had always been perfect. 

She sat on the floor, taking deep breaths and trying to gather her thoughts. So much had happened in the last few hours that it was hard to process. The meeting. Practice. Riley collapsing. Farrah missing. Finding her drunk. Taking her home. Another unhappy family dinner. It was all too much. Annleigh felt like sobbing, if only to give her body something to do. She hates this state of numbness that she always seemed to come back to, the feeling that she’d switched into autopilot as a self-defense and now couldn’t switch back on. 

There was a noise from the ground below, but Annleigh didn’t move. She was expecting it. The junior tucked her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them, suddenly exhausted. The creeping behind her indicated he’d reached the landing.

“Knock, knock…” Clark spoke softly, gently as he always did, coming around so he could approach her from the front. “Feel like some company?” He joked, sitting down next to her with just enough space that they weren’t touching. The blond was always careful to ask permission, no matter how long they’d been dating. She appreciated it immensely. “I was just in the neighborhood, you know…!” He joked, eyes sparkling as he turned his head to look at her. 

Annleigh sank into him easily, letting him wrap her in his arms. He always made her feel better, even after days as bad as this one. And it had been a pretty bad day, now that she thought about it. The junior tried her best to be an optimist, but there was hardly a positive spin to put on this one. She doubted even Riley could. 

… Riley … 

“Do you think she’s going to be okay…?” Annleigh murmured, letting Clark run his hand through her long hair. She tried to steady her own breaths to the rhythm of his. In and out. In and out. “I haven’t seen something like that happen… I mean, I know she wasn’t out cold for very long but it reminded me of—” The brunette cut herself off. 

“... Farrah?” Clark prompted gently, reading her thoughts the way he always seemed to be able to. 

She nodded, curling into his side. He was always warm, and he smelled a little like vanilla. It helped Annleigh relax, to get her mind off of her sister and the accident and how everything in her life seemed to be tearing itself apart. 

Clark sighed, softly, as if he was deep in thought about the world. “I think so…” He finally ended up saying. “Physically, I think she just overexerted herself. It wasn’t like what happened with Farr. I’m sure Cairo will know what to do, love. You don’t have to worry, okay?” The boy pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I know you’re scared for them all, and I know how much you care about them… but it can’t come at the cost of your own health. You don’t have to keep doing this…”

He was right, as always. Clark was always right. Sometimes, it was annoying (in a very endearing way, of course) how much he seemed to know. She didn’t have to keep doing this. Some days, there was nothing Annleigh wanted more than to quit this team and leave all the noise behind. But she couldn’t. She loved to cheer. She loved the feeling of being on a team, of that sense of community.

… she just wished the Tigers had that, still. 

“I’m worried about Farrah, too.” Annleigh whispered into Clark’s chest, the same way you might confess to a diary. He was the only one she trusted with her secrets, her heart. With him, it felt like they were the only two people in the universe. There were times, a tiny part of her wished they were. Wished that it could just be her and Clark forever. It would be so much easier. 

Was it horrible to wish for something like that? It made her feel sort of horrible. The Bible always talked about loving your neighbor. But sometimes, it was all just too much. 

Clark didn’t interrupt, silently nudging her to continue her thoughts. The feeling of his chin on her head grounded her. “It’s just… I could tell she had been drinking today in the bathroom again. I don’t know what to do. I never know what to say and the time’s never right. And I know she just thinks I’m mad like Mom and Dad are.” She cocooned herself into his jacket, letting him scoot her into his lap. From this angle, she could feel the steady drumming of his heart. Breathe. She could breathe. In and out. In and out. 

“I know… I know…” Clark never made her feel like she was silly or reckless to be worried. He treated all of her concerns like they were reasonable, even the most irrational of outcomes her brain invented. “I’m worried, too… but it’s okay if you take it one step at a time. Today was a lot… it’s alright to rest tonight, love.” 

It was alright to rest tonight. As she leaned back into him and closed her eyes, Annleigh wondered if it really was. Alright, she meant. She was always worried about what was right. The junior tried so desperately to make the correct choices, but it always felt like she was steering herself the wrong direction. Her sister was probably drinking, or out at some party, or locked up in her room thinking that the older girl hated her. She wanted so badly to make things better, to mend their relationship, but there was so much to discuss. Even starting, just taking the first step, overwhelmed her so much that the thought of it made her feel like she was floating away. She knew she’d say the wrong thing… and then Farrah would hate her and then— 

“Shh…” Clark adjusted her in his arms as he felt her start to shake. “It’s alright, Leia… it’s alright… everything’s going to be alright.” 

He was right, of course. He was always right. Everything would work itself out. Everything would be okay. 

(But, as he rocked her back and forth in their own little corner of the sky, Annleigh couldn’t help but fear that maybe, just this once, Clark wasn’t even sure himself.) 

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


**Group Message:** **🐯 Go Tigers! GCHS Cheer Group Chat!! 🐯**

_6:35 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

_‘prom_princess’ is now online._

**prom_princess:** rileys feeling better fyi. obviously no practice over the weekend but monday most likely

**Mattie Wheeler:** I’m glad she’s feeling better!! Thank you for the update, Cairo!!

**senior-spirit:**!! same here!! Tell her we’re here for her, if she needs us!

**prom_princess:** will do

**prom_princess:** … and thanks ig too. thats nice of you both

_‘prom_princess’ is now offline._

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

Riley hadn’t spoken since she’d fainted. It was taking all of Cairo’s willpower not to fall apart. 

For as awful as their team was, the senior was at least grateful for how quickly they’d dispersed. Reese had offered loudly to take Mattie home early, likely to ensure anyone else could stop her if necessary. No one had. Clark and Annleigh were more reluctant to leave, but as soon as they noticed Farrah was missing, they high-tailed it out of there. Chess left to find Kate out a few minutes later, their friend from West High nowhere to be seen. Maybe she’d left already? Walked or hitchhiked or something? Cairo couldn’t exactly blame the girl. A normal Tigers’ practice would have been bad enough to sit through without their captain collapsing. She wouldn’t blame Eva Sanchez if she had run away or changed her name and moved to Canada or whatever. But that wasn’t really her concern at the moment. 

Cairo had made sure that the redhead had water and at least some of her smoothie in her before she’d walked her to the former’s car. Riley probably had her own in the parking lot, but there was no way that she was letting her drive with how tired she seemed. 

The worst part of it all was how little the smaller girl had protested. Their friendship was built on squabbling in many ways. It wasn’t always easy to compromise, not when both of them had such different ideas and opinions about the world. Cairo couldn’t remember the last time that she’d seen Riley look so worn down. The tears had smudged her foundation, making the dark circles under her eyes a lot more prominent. 

_Why didn’t you tell me…_ She’d thought for the hundredth time that afternoon, giving Riley’s hand a brief squeeze that wasn’t returned before starting the car. Her house was closer to Giles Corey than most of the girl’s on the team lived, but the silence in the car made it seem endless. The other girl did tend to be quieter around her than anyone else, if only because she was just the slightest bit more herself, but there was something so painful about the nothing. She didn’t know what to do, so Cairo just kept going. It was all she knew how. 

It had been a few hours since they’d left the gym. Riley was now curled up in her arms on Cairo’s bed, the same faded, purple bed sheets that she’d grown up with. The redhead was no longer crying, but Cai wasn’t sure if this was much of an improvement. Her mother, supportive as always, had sent up plates of dinner for them, but neither had been touched as much as she’d hoped. The dark-haired girl knew they had to get up, get more into her system, but she didn’t know if moving her was the best option. She wanted nothing more than to fix this, but this was so much bigger than she’d first assumed. 

With the hand not supporting Riley, Cairo absentmindedly ran her fingers through the girl’s red hair. She couldn’t remember the last time they’d been this close. It had been years, probably, certainly before high school started. They had used to be so inseparable. There had been a point where she’d known the beat of Riley’s heart (always seeming to be too fast, too urgent) as well as she knew her own. Growing up had changed that, though, that closeness. There was an innocence in being young, in not understanding… and there were all these… these feelings Cairo didn’t know what to do with. Feelings she’d never be able to tell Riley. Because… because… because… 

God, it made her feel stupid. More than anything, though, it made her feel a lot like Kate. Head over heels in love with her best friend. What a team they had, right? 

Cairo couldn’t pinpoint the day that she’d realized her feelings for Riley probably went further than normal friendship. Honestly, it might always have been the case. They had never really had a normal bond. It was like they became inseparable without any warning, from strangers to partners in life instantaneously. 

She wasn’t even entirely sure that what she felt for the redhead was something romantic. It was hard to tell when you’d loved someone for so long, sometimes. On most days, Cairo didn’t spend much time worrying about it. There were much more important issues to concern herself with. The type of things she felt for Riley would come to the surface eventually or they would work themselves out. She knew that they would be able to survive it either way. 

But now, as Riley wrapped herself more tightly in Cairo’s embrace, the prom princess couldn’t help but wonder if these feelings might have been more mutual than she’d originally considered. 

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t thought about it, exactly. Riley had been her first kiss, for God’s sake. (Granted, they’d been ten and had been re-enacting a scene from the Princess Bride, but it still counted.) It was just… well, the redhead could be so hard to read. And she’d started to become so secretive and distant, lately. Cairo had taken it as a sign that Riley might have known about her crush, but was trying to let her down easily. Now, she wondered if there had been something else bothering her the entire time… 

Now wasn’t a good time to think about it, though. No matter how each of them felt, what Riley needed right now was her friend. And Cairo was happy to provide that. Happy to be there for her. Happy that, for the first time in how long, she didn’t have to watch Riley retreat into her carefully crafted persona and pretend to be okay. 

“... ’m sorry…” After another hour of silence, the redhead’s voice startled Cairo. She looked down from the braid she was working on in her friend’s hair to her face. Riley had shut her eyes again, but she was breathing more regularly than she had been since practice. “... I’m so… sorry…”

Cairo cupped her cheek with her hand, running a thumb as gently as she could under her eye to catch any stray tears. “Hey, don’t say that, okay? No one’s mad about this. They’re just worried about you.” She trailed off. “I’m… worried about you...” 

The fact that Riley didn’t instantly protest that she was fine spoke more loudly than anything else had that day. She just squeezed her eyes tighter, as if she was trying to block out ghosts that Cairo couldn’t see. The senior desperately wished she could, wished that she could be more helpful. She’d fight whatever demons she had to if it meant getting Riley, her Riley, back. 

“... I thought I could do it, Cai…” Riley’s voice was barely audible. “I thought I could be a good captain…” 

“You can. And you are.” She adjusted the smaller girl in her arms, bringing her knees up so that Riley could lay her head on her shoulder. “You’re going to be a great captain. It’s not your fault that we have a shitty team.” Cairo tried for some sort of joke, knowing it would at least lighten the mood a bit. “No offense to like… Mattie alone. And after today, Eva Sanchez. Maybe we should recruit her and get rid of Kate.” She chuckled, nudging the redhead’s forehead with her own gently.

If she had any reservations about using humor at a time like this, they were gone within a few seconds. Cairo was rewarded for her attempts with just the briefest hint of a smile playing around the corners of her face. It sent a rush of adrenaline through her body. They could do this. They could get better. They were going to be okay. 

“... Kate’s good…” Riley mumbled, nuzzling into Cairo’s shoulders. She tried to ignore how it made her heart speed up a bit. It was funny how clingy she could be when they were alone. Riley didn’t exactly keep a cold exterior like her own, by any means, but she didn’t initially come across as someone who could be as cuddly as she was. It only happened when she was tired. The prom princess had many fond memories of Riley bouncing around her bedroom for hours in their youth only to collapse into her and fall asleep almost instantaneously. It was just another little quirk that she’d learned, memorized, loved about her. 

“Yeah… Good at being a pain in my ass.” Cairo rolled her eyes and leaned against the wall as she reached for her phone in her pocket, opening up the Netflix app. She handed it to Riley wordlessly. It had been a sleepover tradition for years to watch the stupidest movie they could find to fall asleep to. The redhead had so many traditions, some Cai didn’t truly understand, but she knew they made the girl happy. She also knew that she needed something to distract Riley from everything that was happening. 

Today was Friday. Tomorrow was the weekend, and there was no way either of them had homework yet. There was also no way that Cairo was letting Riley go back home after one night. Fuck what Mr. and Mrs. Williams wanted. Riley was their daughter, not the goddamn housekeeper. She didn’t need to keep living in that old, empty house that so obviously terrified her while they traveled to God knows where to avoid remembering they had a child. Riley could stay right here, with her, for as long as she wanted. Cairo didn’t care if it was through the weekend or through the end of the world. Not as long as her friend was safe and happy. 

As she watched Riley pick out some ridiculous romcom that for some godforsaken reason took place in space, Cairo couldn’t help but let herself smile. She knew that her friend was going to do amazing things someday, if only she remembered to take care of herself. She had always known that, had always seen potential in her that no one else had bothered to look for. Riley made the world better. She made Cairo better. The redhead just needed confidence, but the other girl had never seen anyone achieve as much as her friend could when she set her mind on something. 

_You’re going to be incredible someday,_ Cairo thought as she leaned back against the wall, settling herself in with her legs tangled together with Riley's and her friend's head lying on her shoulder. _Even more incredible than you are now._

Yes, Riley was going to do amazing things someday. But for now, while they were both warm and safe and laughing at whatever this ridiculous movie was called, Cairo didn’t feel remotely bad about having her to herself… just for right now. 

The world could wait until tomorrow. Tonight belonged to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... should I have edited this like at all? Yes. Did I? No. 
> 
> As an author, Cairo and Riley make me feel so many things, honestly... I just want to shove them together (in this specific universe, goodbye canon lol!) and make them confess to each other. They're both so obviously in love with the other one but they just Do Not Confess and *screams* 
> 
> Anyway! Hi! Welcome to late night (or early morning or uh... time) times with Paige, where I update chapters I obviously wrote to project ahadjkasdjk I'm not saying I want someone like Cairo or Clark in my life, but... but you know. You know... anyway! This chapter was definitely hurt/comfort, but I did really try to pack in a lot of comfort in the end up to make up for how dysfunctional this team can be, so I hope you guys enjoyed it! Thank you guys for your suggestions of pairings you left on the last chapter! A few people wanted more Cairo and Riley moments (to which I also very much wanted, hence why they have three POVs in one chapter lol) and the Farrah and Eva one was also a great suggestion! If there's any more you'd want to see, feel free to leave a comment or reach out on tumblr or (if you have Clark's mindreading powers) project the thought into my head lol!
> 
> Next chapter will take place at the same time as this one does and show the scenes that got too long to include here (Kate and Chess, Mattie and Reese, ect). I'm ,,, really hoping someone is gonna get to kiss. I would like to write one very much, but they keep being sad, so I make no guarantees. Let's hope!
> 
> As always, thank you guys so much for your love and support for this fic!! It's so wonderful to see how many people like this! It really makes me so, so happy!!! 
> 
> Alright, that's it for now! Make sure to get some rest if you can, drink some water, and take some time for yourself! Like Cairo said, let the world wait a bit. Right now belongs to you! ^^
> 
> ~ Paige <3
> 
> (Remember to come hang out w me on tumblr @moxy-by-proxy if you'd like to say hi!)


	7. 007. Just For Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please insert the tumblr post that's like "gay culture is speedrunning through friendship. I'll meet another gay person and like four minutes later, I've told them about all of my trauma". That's like most of this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *drops another 11k chapter* Please send help, I have four papers due in like 6 hours- 
> 
> This is another big hurt/comfort chapter (except at the end which is just fluff because if you made it that far, you deserve it), and in some ways, it's probably one of the most important ones to get through for the plot of this story! As always, this is my disclaimer that I am not an expert on everything. I only have my own experience and the research I've done for this story, but please make sure not to use this as any kind of guideline for what to follow if you or someone you care about is hurting or dealing with any of these problems! I'm just another 20 year old with a laptop in my little apartment, so as much as I really, really tried to portray a lot of serious things well, please be aware that I'm probably going to make countless mistakes on this journey as well. Thank you for your patience with me! <3
> 
> TW: A big TW for discussion of drugs and addiction in this chapter. It ends positively, but it was something really important that had to happen to progress! If you'd prefer to skip that, I'll summarize what happened in Chess's past in the bottom notes, so you're welcome to skim / skip Eva and Chess's POVs in this chapter. In addition, there's minor descriptions of bad parenting, unsafe home life, alcohol, and references to poor mental health / feeling uncomfortable with who you are. Stay safe, everyone!

**New Voicemail:** **From ‘annleigh’**

_4:53 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

_“Farrah, where did you go? Reese and Mattie just left, so I think practice is ending early. Clark said he’d take us home whenever we were ready, but please don’t make him wait too long. You know he should go back home to his sisters, too. Call me back.”_

_Voicemail ended._ **_Play again?_ **

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


Chess hated being in charge if she was honest. 

If she was really honest, actually (not that she ever was), she didn’t particularly like being watched at all. Silly, wasn’t it? The almost-Olympian with strange fright. But it was true. Had been true, really, even before her accident. Performing wasn’t quite as nerve wracking; the lights and cameras were farther away and you couldn’t see the faces up close. Plus, at least with gymnastics, it was something that she’d gotten used to over the years. She’d been competing for as much of her life as she could remember. It was the only thing that connected who she was now to who she had been before her adoption. 

But now wasn’t the right time to be thinking about that. 

Chess ushered Kate away from the mat where Cairo and Riley were, gesturing for the rest of the ground to join her. The last thing those two needed was to be disturbed. The senior had fainted several times before. Even if you were lucky enough to have someone to catch you, the experience disoriented you. 

Besides, she’d gotten the distinct impression that this was something private. Something none of them were supposed to be watching. 

It hadn’t taken long for most of the other girls to leave. Farrah had vanished somewhere, with Kate heading in the opposite direction. Chess wanted nothing more than to follow her, but she felt petrified. Stuck. On the one hand, Kate had looked upset. On the other, leaving the gym didn’t seem to be what was the best to do either. It was like she was frozen, paralyzed by her own fear. If she didn’t follow Kate, what if the younger girl did something foolish? She was never good at not being rash. But, if she left, what if Cairo and Riley needed her? Chess was one of the more qualified members of the team when it came to medical emergencies (not, she thought with guilt, that her track record on the Tigers reflected it). She didn’t know Cai’s background, but if it became necessary to carry the redhead somewhere, she felt that she should stay. 

In the end, she asked Eva to go search for Kate, when none of her texts or messages were returned. The voice in her head screamed at her that she was making a mistake, that she should go look for her friend herself, but it wouldn’t be fair to leave Eva to deal with this mess.

… _and you had wanted to be alone_ … 

Go away, please. 

_You know what would make me go away, don’t you? You know what would make it stop._

No. She couldn’t. She couldn’t. It had been several weeks. She couldn’t do it now. 

But it would be so much quieter… it was so loud, even with no one else left, and she was doing so much wrong already. Surely, surely—

Chess could feel the bottle in her jacket pocket, the way it burned there like a fire. She didn't know why she didn’t just throw them away, get rid of them, put them back. Except, that if she did, she was afraid that it would get too loud again. The gymnast felt like a child who couldn’t release their security blanket, as if hanging onto the bottle was what was keeping her safe from everything around her. 

_Breathe._ She didn’t have to take them, though. _Please, just breathe._

“Hey…!” Eva’s voice startled her out of her thoughts, causing her to jerk her hand out of her pocket as quickly as possible. “I checked the bathroom. No sign of her. Did you find Kate ye—”

… and then the bright orange bottle hit the ground. 

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

_You have missed a call from_ **_‘_ ** **annleigh** **_’_ ** _at 4:54 P.M._

_You have missed a call from_ **‘annleigh’** _at 4:56 P.M._

_You have missed a call from_ **_‘_ ** **annleigh** **_’_ ** _at 4:58 P.M._

_You have missed a call from_ **_‘_ ** **annleigh** **_’_ ** _at 4:58 P.M._

_You have rejected a call from_ **‘annleigh’** _at 5:00 P.M._

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

Even for an optimist like Reese, it was getting a little difficult to see the bright side of this situation. 

The senior kept glancing over to the girl in the passenger seat, wondering how best to break the silence. This was not exactly the ideal situation to bond with teammates, Reese had to admit. She would have preferred to be driving Mattie to the mall or maybe a coffee shop. Anywhere that was not her house after their captain had fainted at the freshman’s first ever high school cheer practice. 

If there was an optimistic spin on that one, Reese would have loved to hear it. At the moment, she was lost for words. 

To be fair to the older girl, Mattie didn’t seem to mind the silence. The freshman stared out the window and watched as the light began to fade, without feeling the need to speak. The mascot could tell she was nervous, though, from the way she kept fiddling with the sleeve of her sweater. Reese’s own hands drummed restlessly on the steering wheel as she thought of what to say to help ease the tension. Honestly, she hadn’t expected the younger girl to have needed the ride home with her after Eva had arrived. Those two seemed to be familiar with each other, after all. But then everything had happened, and everyone had just… scattered. Reese had felt like it was better to get Mattie out of the situation before it got any worse. 

And now, here they were, stuck in traffic. Perfect.

“So…” Reese cleared her throat, flashing the younger girl a smile. Silence had always made her nervous. There was never quiet in Reese’s family. She was the middle of five kids, which meant there was always something happening at any given time. Still, the senior tried to take it slowly with new people. She knew that she could be a lot of energy to handle, at times, and she wanted to make sure people warmed up to her rather than be driven away. 

… not that it worked well, most of the time. But that was another issue.

Mattie was staring at her curiously, and Reese realized that she’d forgotten to continue the thought. “Whoops! Sorry, I zoned out for a second there. I was just going to ask what you thought of everyone. Normally, um… they aren’t quite so chaotic. Probably.” 

The freshman smiled back, but it looked a little pained. “Um… they seemed…” There was a pause that made Reese cringe. Mattie seemed so sweet, and even she was having a hard time finding a good adjective. “Um, energetic…?”

From the driver’s seat, the brunette snorted. “That’s a pretty apt description of the Tigers, I’d say. I can’t imagine having that as your first practice… I mean, I guess this isn’t much, but this was the first time I’ve seen a medical emergency.” Reese winced. “Well, um… second. You know the first one, I suppose.” 

“The video?” Mattie nodded seriously, her eyes flitting back to the window. “I didn’t watch it. I didn’t think that it was so bad they’d still be fighting about it, to be honest.” She mumbled something under her breath that Reese didn’t catch. 

“Sorry-” The senior flicked on her turn signal (a little later than she should have) and changed lanes to avoid some of the worst traffic. “I didn’t hear that last part.” 

The freshman picked at her sweater, again. “Just that I don’t really do well with yelling, sometimes. I might not… I mean, if it’s like this…” She sighed. “I love to cheer. I do. But… I really wanted to go to West High with Eva and my friends from middle school. I know Giles Corey is a better school for applications and everything, and I know my parents are just thinking of what’s best for me, but I guess it was just hard to see all of them have a great first practice last week when they started and have this be mine.” The girl paused. “Sorry, I know that sounds really ungrateful.”

Reese’s heart went out to the poor girl. It really did. As much as she herself would have done everything to be on the team, she knew how it felt to be isolated in something you loved. Not quite part of the squad, but not entirely separate from it either. Like you were perched on a fence without knowing which side was safest to swing down to.

“It doesn’t sound ungrateful. It sounds pretty reasonable to me.” Reese flashed the freshman another sympathetic smile as traffic finally, finally began to move forward. “I wouldn’t wish that trainwreck of a practice on my worst enemy, let alone what was supposed to be your first day of high school cheerleading. I don’t think anyone would blame you for being upset at all.” 

Mattie was quiet for a few moments as she considered the statement. In many ways, she reminded the senior of a younger Riley. The one she’s known back in elementary school, before things had spiraled so far out of control. She remembered how the redhead used to hide behind Cairo, as if afraid that someone might ask her something instead of the other girl. It had been endearing, really, how close those two were. Before Cai had closed herself off from everyone and Riley had decided to channel the ghost of cheerleading’s past or something. 

There was always a cost to growing up, in the end. Sometimes, Reese wished they hadn’t. 

“It’s just… everyone else has so much they’re dealing with.” Mattie gestured. “Complaining that I didn’t get the perfect practice seems a little silly with how much they’re all going through, I guess.” 

She was right. Reese had been dealing with the same issue, in a way. Who cared about not making the team when Farrah might be drinking her left away? When Chess might be high and hurting? When Riley was apparently only a few moments away from collapsing at any point in time? Sure, her own life wasn’t great, but it wasn’t like that. 

They had arrived at Mattie’s house. It was a cute building with yellow trim and scattered lawn ornaments around the yard. In the back, Reese could see a tiny building that looked like a barn. She pulled over to the sidewalk and switched her car into park, before unlocking the doors. “I get it. I feel the same way. But their problems don’t somehow make yours invalid, you know? Well, Farrah might try to tell you otherwise… but I really wasn’t kidding when I said it’s not usually so bad…! I know it’s a lot to ask, but I really do hope you stick it out!” 

Reese’s grin was so infectious, the corners of Mattie’s mouth twitched up, too. “I’ll try…” The freshman didn’t exactly sound confident, but the older girl was going to take what she could get. 

“That’s the spirit!” Reese almost hit the horn of her car as she pumped her fist, causing Mattie to chuckle a little at the enthusiasm. With a little wave, she bounded across the lawn and to her door. 

The senior waited for her to unlock it and close it behind her before she switched the car back into gear. She really hoped that this wasn’t the last practice the freshman would come to. _The last thing the Tigers need_ , Reese thought as she pulled back onto the road, _is to lose their only quiet member before the season even starts._

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


**New Voicemail:** **From ‘clark’**

_5:05 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

_“Hey, Farrah! It’s me, Clark! I just wanted to call to say that you can take all the time you need, but if you could shoot your sister a text, just to let her know you’re okay… you know how she gets! Anyway, let me know if you need help or anything, ‘kay? I’m always just a call away. See you soon!”_

_Voicemail ended._ **_Play again?_ **

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

Eva had never considered herself to be much of a conversationalist. 

That wasn’t to say she didn’t like to talk. Most people who knew her well would have described her as someone who didn’t stop talking, in fast. The junior was well aware that she was a rambler. Her stories were long winded and often changed topic halfway through, hopping from plot point to plot point like a six-year-old in a bounce house. She didn’t really mind, if it wasn’t making anyone else feel awkward, of course. From her experience in customer service, rambling tended to fill awkward space with strangers nicely. Most didn’t feel like breaking the ice first, but in general seemed to respond positively when she engaged them initially. 

There were just some silences, however, that you couldn’t fill with small talk. 

For several seconds, both she and Chess had just stared at the prescription bottle. It was impossible for her to read the fine print from this far away, but it wouldn’t have been hard to guess what they were from the way their owner reacted. As Eva watched, the older girl began to shake. She reached out with a trembling hand and snatched them back so quickly, it was as if she was terrified of someone taking them from her. Judging by how her body began to wrack with silent sobs almost immediately after, she probably was. 

Terrified… of being in pain? Or of being found out…? The junior didn’t know. 

Eva could feel her heart crumbling to pieces. It made her dizzy, standing here with the girl she’d spent so much of her life idolizing and knowing how much of her fantasy was just that. False. It wasn’t true. It had never been true. The Olympics was a program that sold people dreams, hooked them on hope. It didn’t seem to care what else it got its players addicted to. 

The senior was shaking so badly by now, eyes fixed on the ground and hands clutching the pocket of her windbreaker she’d shoved the pill bottle into so tightly, Eva was afraid she’d rip it. The flier shook herself out of her daze. This wasn’t the time to freeze up. Not when the problem was real, so much more real than a shitty practice or a runaway teammate. _Kate…_ The West High girl briefly wondered if Kate was somewhere around here, whether she should call and tell her but— 

When Eva looked at how intensely scared Chess looked, her eyes squeezed shut as if she was afraid of being screamed at or hurt or worse... the junior knew at once that the younger girl didn’t know. 

“Hey…” The flier slowly closed the distance between her and Chess, holding her hands up the way you might approach a spooking horse to show you meant them no harm. “Let’s get to the car, okay? Please…?” Eva reached down and scooped up the backpack that had fallen, slugging it over her shoulder with her own purse. She was worried about what might happen if the gymnast broke down here, exposed in the parking lot. Eva hadn’t seen Farrah and her sister come out yet. The last thing this team would need was more reason to keep fighting. 

And the poor girl who’d fainted… 

Chess didn’t answer, eyes still closed, but she didn’t move away from Eva either as she approached. There was a matter of urgency, to get her somewhere safe, somewhere that she could calm down without any possible interference. With gentle hands, the flier coaxed the girl forward, pressing one hand against her upper back to steer her. It was unnerving how little sound the taller girl made. She just kept shaking, ringing her head back and forth to block out something that Eva couldn’t see. It was heart-breaking to watch. 

Thankfully, Chess hadn’t locked her car after they’d left. Eva steered her around to the passenger seat, half lifting, half pushing her inside. She felt bad about the urgency, the need for haste, but the image of Kate coming back to this kept running through her mind. There was no scenario where it seemed as if it would end well for them, letting the other junior find out in such a way. They needed to go somewhere. Out of habit, Eva pressed the seatbelt over Chess to keep her safe, grabbing her car keys out of the girl’s backpack while explaining. 

“Let’s just… let’s just go somewhere else, okay? I… I just don’t think it’s a good idea to stay here for right now. I promise I would never normally attempt to steal your car—” Her attempt at humor fell flat, but it had more been to reassure the older girl that she wasn’t going to be screamed at. She didn’t know what Chess was used to when it came to conflict, but it didn’t seem encouraging to watch the senior practically shut herself down. Eva had only a vague notion of what top level coaches were like when you made small mistakes, screaming and yelling. She couldn’t imagine what Chess was expecting being caught with something like that. 

There was no protest from the other girl, who sat trembling as she stared at the floor. Taking this as permission (and still worried about anyone seeing), Eva pushed the key into Chess’s car. _Dear God, please don’t let me break anything…_ Thank god her own car was a manual. Switching to the senior’s fancy automatic didn’t take too much effort to figure out. They only needed to get a little bit down the road. Just enough to get some privacy. 

About half a mile down the street, there was a park. Since it was nearing sundown, it was empty except for a few workers who seemed to be fixing a leak in one of the water fountains. Perfect. Eva pulled into a spot and turned off the ignition, looking around for where the emergency break was before pulling it up. With a small sigh, she released the steering wheel. 

There were a few more seconds of quiet, save for the shaky breathing of the older girl. 

… God, she hated silence like this. 

Finally, if only to give her hands something to do, Eva leaned into the backseat and fumbled for her water bottle, uncapping it and offering it to Chess. “Here… water is good…” She mumbled, wishing she had something a little more scientifically helpful to say. Normally, the climatologist was fairly good at coming up with fun facts when her mind wasn’t occupied with the sound those pills had made when they’d hit the ground. 

The senior accepted the water bottle hesitantly, brown eyes fixed on her lap. She didn’t take a sip from it, but Eva was at least happy to have her hands occupied by something safer to hold onto. She’d spent the whole ride pulling at her jacket (short as it was) tearing at the fabric, hands needing to pick at something. The junior wasn’t sure if Chess was even aware of what she had been doing, really, or if it had just been her brain’s attempt to latch onto anything it could grab, hold onto, tear apart. Eva would much rather Chess squeeze the plastic bottle and pick at the label than tear at her windbreaker. Judging by the fact it was the only coat she’d ever seen the girl wear, both in interviews years before and in the past two days, it must have been special to her. She couldn’t bear to watch her tear it apart because of this panic.

But she didn’t know how to say that, either. Eva hadn’t ever planned for a situation like this. How do you tell an almost-stranger that you’re scared for them? Scared for what they’re doing? 

Truthfully, she didn’t even know the magnitude of this situation. If it wasn’t for how Chess had reacted to dropping the bottle, she might not have noticed anything at all. You could have prescriptions for lots of things. The flier wouldn’t have been surprised if the gymnast was on some kind of anti-anxiety medication or something; with a life as stressful as her’s must have been, it would make sense. 

Except that wasn’t how people reacted in a situation where something wasn’t badly wrong. Farrah’s words from only minutes before flitted around her head. _Chess was high,_ the sophomore had said with such urgency that Eva had found herself believing it. _That’s why she’d dropped me._

That competition had been almost eight months ago, though. Had things… had it not stopped? Not gotten better…? 

Had it gotten worse?

Eva noticed that she had been unconsciously breathing more deeply than normal. In and out. In and out. It was a technique that she’d picked up to release pressure when she was in a situation outside of her control. Personally, the flier hadn’t had much experience with panic attacks, but some of her siblings had them. When they started learning techniques to help, Eva had practiced alongside them. It made them feel more comfortable. That was worth all the time in the world. 

It must have been of some comfort to Chess as well, because her breathing had started to match Eva’s steady rhythm. In and out. In and out. Slowly, her grap relaxing bit by bit on the water bottle, the gymnast started to relax into the seat of the car. Although she was still visibly shaken up, the West High sided this was a noticeable improvement. She flashed a small smile in Chess’s direction, even though she still wasn’t looking her in the eye, hoping to reassure her that no one was going to hurt her.

“There we go…” Eva tried to make her tone as gentle and sweet as she could, without sounding as if she was trying to baby the other girl. What Chess needed was for someone to steady her, someone she could hold onto while she walked on her own, not someone who was going to try to carry her without asking permission. The junior reached out her hand, noticing how red the gymnast’s hands were getting from their tight grip around the plastic. Despite how slowly she’d moved towards her, the sight made Chess shrink back into her seat as if she’d been stung by a bee. “It’s alright.” The flier whispered, keeping her hand out. “You can take it, if you want to. I promise. I’m not going to be mad at you, okay…?” 

For a few seconds, the world simply seemed to hang there. Brown eyes staring at Eva’s hand as if trying to decide if it was real, if it was something she could trust. 

And then, slowly, Chess curled a trembling hand into Eva’s own, letting the latter squeeze onto it gently. “... are you going to tell Kate…?” The older girl whispered, the sound barely audible.

There was something tragic about that question. Tragic about Chess, tragic about Kate, tragic about what the two of them were going through. How much did you have to care about someone to worry about burdening them with a problem that might end up killing you, Eva wondered? How much did Chess love Kate to be more afraid of losing her than she was of what the pills might be doing, taking from her?

It was just… just tragic, in the end. All of it was.

But it didn’t have to stay that way. There was something left here, something left to be saved. There was so much to be said, so much to be done, but the flier let herself rest momentarily in the notion that Chess was here. Still here. For a girl she’d known less than a week, Eva found herself incredibly grateful she was. 

“No.” Eva let out a breath, trying to stay in the moment. Her thumb rubbed the outside of Chess’s hand absentmindedly, reminding the older girl she was still there. “I’m not going to tell her… not that I’m saying you shouldn’t, though. It’s just. It’s not my place to tell Kate what’s going on.” She let the words hang in the air for a moment, trying to think of the kindest way to put the next phrase. “... but I think someone else should know. An adult, maybe…? Someone who could help… I, I mean…” 

The junior tried not to get overwhelmed by her own train of thought. There was a part of her that wanted to demand answers to what was going on. To take it all to a doctor or someone who could help as quickly as she could, if only because she was afraid of doing this all wrong. Eva was barely seventeen. Chess was a stranger, a pretty face she’d seen on TV who was never supposed to be here, in pain, holding onto Eva’s hand like a lifeline. 

“I- I don’t want to have to tell someone this because you won’t, Chess.” The junior mumbled, and the words felt heavy. “Not when I don’t know the whole story… but… I will if it keeps you safe. I’m s-sorry... it’s just, just…” 

Something wet was trickling down the side of her cheek. With the hand not holding the gymnast’s, she reached up to wipe it away. God, how was she the one crying here? This was going terribly. She was going to mess this all up. 

“It’s just that… if it’s what I think this is, it could be bad, Chess. Really bad… I don’t want. I mean, I know we literally just met. For fuck’s sake, I don’t even know your last name-” They never really displayed it, during the interviews she’d watched. If they had, she’d forgotten it over the years. “But I don’t want something bad to happen to you, and I know Kate wouldn’t either.” 

Chess had her feet on the seat, knees curled up to her chest, but she hadn’t let go of Eva’s hand. That was something, at least. It had to be something. 

“... they were for my knee.” The gymnast spoke with her eyes trained on the floor of the car. “At first, I mean. In the beginning, it hurt so much. I’ve never been in pain like that. I mean, I’ve had injuries before, but they didn’t feel like this one did. The doctors at the hospital told me I was lucky that I’d even be able to walk on the leg again, with how much damage I did to it. Like it had been my fault or intention or something…” The senior let out a sound that might have been a bitter laugh. There wasn’t any humor in it. “I didn’t ever feel very lucky, though.” 

She had started crying now, too, and the tears slipped down hard and fast. Eva wanted to reach over and wipe them away, but wasn’t sure it would be welcome. They were still basically strangers. Everything was happening so fast. 

So she just sat there and held Chess’s hand, hoping in some small way, it would be enough. That she could be enough. 

“I wasn’t supposed to take them for longer than a few weeks. Not because of the doctors, though. Because of training. Because in the beginning, they thought I’d come back and be just as good as I had been. ‘A few weeks off to heal and then test her again’, that’s what my coaches said. It would never have been enough time for my body to recover. And they knew that, of course. That’s why they would inject you with stuff during practice, when no one could see. It would sort of numb you, like these, but they didn’t… these make me tired. The steroid injections don’t, really. But you’re obviously not allowed to have them at competition. You’re not supposed to take them at all, really, but everyone does. We stopped a week before the drug test, and it was…” Chess wiped her eyes with her windbreaker, her voice growing more and more anxious as she tried to explain. “It hurt… it hurt so badly, Eva, and I… I didn’t even care anymore. About winning, about the competition. I had never cared about them like that… I just…” 

The younger girl held her hand tightly as Chess trailed off, losing focus. Eva could see so much of it clearly. The gymnast, younger and naive and desperate to be enough for everyone. In some ways, they were similar. She had never competed at that level, of course, but Eva understood the constant pressure of trying to balance everyone’s expectations. It was enough with just trying to do enough for her own family. Chess was someone who had been scrutinized and picked apart by most of the world. 

She wouldn’t wish that on anyone… 

Eva ran her thumb along Chess’s knuckles, trying to tug her back into reality. “You just wanted to make everyone happy, right…? You were trying so hard to please everyone, but then…” She gestured to her knee with her free hand. 

The senior nodded. “I didn’t mean to… to take them the first time. I mean,” She gave a weak smile. “I guess that’s not true. I meant to take them, obviously, but I just wasn’t thinking straight… It hurt so badly. And then the drug test, and—”

Chess abruptly stopped talking, hand not holding Eva’s wrapping tightly around her own waist and squeezing too tightly, as if she was trying to rip herself apart at a scene. Realizing this, Eva carefully caught the girl’s other hand in her own, pivoting so she was more firmly facing it. “Hey, hey… don’t do that, okay? You can hold onto me if you need something to grab, okay?” 

The brunette bobbed her head once to indicate understanding, but she’d begun to shake again. Eva hated watching her in such a state, hated what had happened to her (to everyone on that team), but she had to keep anchoring her down. This wasn’t how this conversation could end, because it would only make things worse. Chess might take more pain pills and Eva would be forced to break her trust and tell someone. 

“Are you still in pain now…?” Eva asked. It was possible that she’d never completely healed after her accident, especially if they had pushed her to go back so quickly after shattering her knee. “Does it still hurt?” 

Chess shook her head. “No… it’s just… it’s loud. It’s so loud, Eva…” For the first time, those brown eyes made eye contact with her own. The West High student hadn’t noticed how expressive Chess could be before… or perhaps she’d just never seen her look so pained. “There’s so much noise around me all the time. I know it’s not a good reason. I k-know… but…” 

“I know… I know.” Eva squeezed her hand again, trying hard not to break farther apart. “I can only begin to imagine how much you’ve had to deal with. I know it’s probably loud all the time… but taking those won’t make it stop. Is it possible…” She paused, not sure how much to say. There was a fine line between overstepping and wanting to help. “Is it possible that you got used to the volume on them…? Like, if you live in a sound-proof room for so long, when you come, even the volume you’re used to before seems like shouting. I think… you’re afraid of letting go of what keeps it quiet, because you were unhappy before you fell. You’re afraid of going back there.” 

There was a pause. Eva could hear her heart beating in her chest. 

“People just wanted me to get better… to be better.” Chess looked tired. More tired than Eva had ever seen her, although that wasn’t saying much. “They kept saying that it would go back to normal as soon as I wasn’t injured anymore. As soon as I was healthy and off everything and, you know. Not broken anymore.” 

And suddenly, it all clicked into place. Eva felt like she was being torn apart. 

“... I was tired, in the end. It hurt so much before I fell. The weight of it all… and they told me that it would all go back to that as soon as I got better. Back to normal.” Chess rested her head on Eva’s shoulder, as if she was suddenly too exhausted to hold her head up. Not that the junior blamed her. “No one ever asks you if normal’s what you want. No one ever asks you if normal hurts.” 

“Oh, Chess…” Eva released their interlocking hands to wrap an arm around her. It was somewhat clumsy because of the car’s layout, but she was grateful for the fact the other girl had opened up to her. Grateful for the fact that she hadn’t pushed her away. Grateful that she was just here. 

They sat like that for a few minutes, somehow something much more than strangers now, before the gymnast spoke again. “I haven’t taken them… not in a few weeks. I’ve been trying… trying to, y-you know. It’s senior year. And… I didn’t want to come to practice and—” She winced. “Farrah hates me enough without needing more evidence. And Kate…”

“Kate would understand.” There was a bit of a weight lifted to know Chess hadn’t been using for at least a bit. That she wanted to try to get better. “She clearly loves you more than anything. She wouldn’t want you to be suffering like this.” 

Chess ran her hand across her eyes. “I know… but I think of how much I lied to her. I didn’t… I just didn’t want her to know I wasn’t okay. She wanted me to get better more than anyone else. She used to sleep in the hospital room with me before I had the surgery. Right on the chair. I can’t believe it didn’t mess up her back…” She trailed off. 

“I was afraid about so much, but I’m t-terrified of losing her.” The brunette’s voice cracked. “What if I tell her and she never wants to see me again…? What if she hates me? What if I’ve finally messed everything up so much that she finally realizes I’m not worth all the effort?” 

“Hey,” Eva squeezed her shoulder lightly. “You are worth the effort, and Kate knows it. I’ve only known her for a few days, but I think it’s pretty obvious she loves you.” The junior left out the part about how she’d been attempting to figure out if they were dating this whole time. “She isn’t going to hate you. Sure, she might be upset… but it’s going to be because she loves you and she worries about you. I know Kate wouldn’t want you to keep pretending to be okay just for her.” 

“I know…” Chess sighed, and closed her eyes. Despite the fact that they’d only known each other for barely more than a normal school day, she felt strangely comfortable around the older girl. Eva tended to take a while to warm up to people, but Kate and Chess had suckered her in at warp speed. She let the brunette steady her breathing a bit, grateful that the worst of the panic attack seemed to have subsided. 

All was quiet for a few moments, before Chess spoke up again. “It’s Holbrooke, by the way.” 

“Huh?” Eva frowned, opening her own eyes a crack to peer at the gymnast. 

“My last name. Holbrooke. Sorry, you just had said you didn’t know it earlier…” Chess mumbled, sounding a little sleepy. “Now you do.” 

The flier let out a little snort at the quick topic change, but was grateful. She got the impression that things had changed, too. The air around them didn’t feel so confining. Even if she was just one person, Chess had at least been able to get something off of her chest that she’d clearly been holding onto for over a year. “Chess Holbrooke.” Eva tested out the name playfully, eager to keep the twinge of a smile she saw on the girl’s face. “Pretty~! It fits you.” 

The brunette chuckled. “You know that’s a nickname, right? Like Checkers or Uno or whatever board game is Kate’s newest obsession.” 

Eva blinked. “Wait, really…?” Well. Now that she _said_ it, it seemed obvious. She was grateful the Chess still had her eyes closed and couldn’t see the color flush in her face. “I, uh, totally knew that. Obviously.”

“Some fan you are!” Chess teased, but the giggle the older girl let out in response was worth the embarrassment of not knowing. If Eva could, she would have recorded it. In a totally normal, absolutely platonic sort of way, y-you know? This really wasn’t a good time to start having feelings for anyone, and certainly not someone who may or may not have been dating Kate (even if, you know, there might have also been something the West High student liked a lot about Kate, too— Jesus Christ, she was a mess), and it wasn’t fair to Chess to have to deal with any of Eva’s… potential… interest when she was already working through so much.

Still, _holy shit,_ her laugh was lovely… 

“It’s short for Francesca.. Kate couldn’t say her r’s right when we were little kids, so we shortened it. It’s sort of stuck since then.” Eva could hear the smile in her voice without having to look for it. “Is Eva short for anything?” 

“Evalicious.” The flier replied instantaneously, sending the taller girl into another fit of giggling. She felt so relieved to hear her laugh that she would have considered actually changing her name to that if it would help. “But no, it’s just Eva… short and sweet!” 

Chess stretched away from her, looking almost back to her usual self. “Like you, then?” 

The West High student scowled at her. “I’m like an inch shorter than you, at _most!_ ” Eva chuckled, swinging the car door open to trade spots. This wasn’t her car, after all. And now that the gymnast had settled and had been confirmed to be clean, she would feel a little bad stealing it. Chess, on the other side, did the same thing, sticking her tongue out at the flier as she did so. 

“If you say so…” The senior smiled. “You’re taller than Kate, for sure. She’s already mentioned it.” She rolled her eyes affectionately at the thought of her friend’s ‘small dog complex’ as Chess referred to it (although only in her head, of course. She didn’t particularly feel like being killed by Kate on a regular basis). 

Something about that made Eva pause. Were those two— _I mean, have they… have they been talking about me?_ She didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or flattered. The brunette ran a hand through her bob. “She has? Uh, cool… that’s, uh. Cool…!” 

Chess gave Eva a look that the younger girl didn’t totally understand, but her smile was back. The gymnast seemed to have a way of reading you that was impossible to hide from. Not that Eva wanted to, really. She thought that a normal person, one who had friends that weren’t on the cheer team from hell, might want to run far away from this impending disaster. 

But as Eva watched Chess’s tie her hair back and flash her a grin as she caught her staring (not staring. She was just… you know. Admiring the artwork—), the flier thought she might be in this for the long haul. 

Progress wasn’t instantaneous. It was long and difficult, and it was almost never linear. You had good days and bad days, and you had to hope the former outweighed the latter. You had to hope there would always be light to let in. You had to trust that someone was always walking besides, holding your hand should you start to fall. Eva had no doubt that Chess would have more hard days to come. Farrah would too, if she ever decided to quit day drinking in the girl’s bathroom. The cheerleader hoped so, even if she didn’t know the younger girl. She hoped that things would get better. 

More than anything, Eva wished there was a world where things had never broken in the first place. They talked a lot about alternate realities in science, the possibility that there might be infinite amounts of other worlds. She wondered if there was one where things were always perfect, bright blue skies and cheerleaders who never fell out of formation. A world like that would be nice, she thought, sometimes. There were always so many clouds in this one. As optimistic as she tried to remain, it got difficult. Rent that needed to be paid, family to be taken care of, jobs to be done. 

Yet, as Eva watched Chess slide this first bottle into the trash of the park with trembling hands, she knew there was hope left. Hope for this world. If this is what they had, if this was their lot in life (unfair as it was), then the flier wanted to make the best of it. She wanted to make this world something worth what they had to fight through. 

There is light yet to be found. Keep going. 

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**Group Message:** **🐯 Go Tigers! GCHS Cheer Group Chat!! 🐯**

_6:03 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

**senior-spirit:** Just dropped Mattie off!! If anyone has any updates on Riley, keep me posted! :^) 

**romans 8:28:** Same here! Sending good thoughts and prayer!

**satan 4:20:** lmao what r u gonna do? pray she doesnt faint again or wtvr? kinda stupid

**romans 8:28:** Farrah, can’t you just stay out of it for once?

**romans 8:28:** Just ignore her. She’s drunk again. 

_‘satan 4:20’ has gone offline._

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

Annleigh wasn’t sure what had led her back to the school. 

Clark had left too quickly for her liking, leaving her with too many thoughts to keep still. He had to get back home to watch his little siblings, which she understood of course, but the brunette couldn’t help but miss his presence. When the blond was with her, things didn’t seem so urgent. It felt like they had all the time in the world. Without him there, it felt like putting a video on double speed. Everything was too fast and she could barely keep herself in the moment. 

The junior knew, had known for a while, that life wasn’t supposed to feel like that. She’d never actually asked Clark what his world looked like, but Annleigh could tell that her own wasn’t the average experience. She knew it would be better to talk about it to someone, to go through what she was struggling with, but her parents had so often talked about not bothering people. It was a dangerous thing to teach children, the idea that a person could be a burden. People are never burdens, but the idea that you could exist as one, if you weren’t always perfect, was. The brunette had spent most of her life trying her hardest to solve her own problems. Relying on others felt like something dangerous. Terrifying. How could you trust information so personal to someone? Clark had been her closest companion for almost a dozen years, and there were still things even he didn’t know about her. 

No. She had decided long ago that some things were meant just for her. Sharing them would only break her heart in the end, because that’s what people always did. They lied. 

(And then they left.) 

The need to walk to school, which had started as a dull buzzing in her head, became more and more frantic as she searched in her backpack for her science textbook. Why wasn’t it in its pocket? Had someone taken it? Did she put it somewhere else? _No, no, no…_

Heart pounding, Annleigh tried to think of what she might have done with it. It was possible she wasn’t seeing it in her room, but not likely. Her room was meticulously organized. It helped her to stay focused, when everything was in its place. It was the same with her backpack. After another few minutes of searching, the brunette came to the conclusion that it was nowhere to be found. 

Now what? 

Not having it was not an option that would work. If she didn’t keep up with the reading, even from the first week, she’d fall behind. Tonight was Friday. Her locker was outside, which meant there would still be access to it even if the rest of the school was locked over the weekend. But sports teams practiced on Saturday and Sunday. People might see her, and she refused to have that happen. Annleigh couldn’t exactly put into words why she cared so much about people knowing she’d forgotten her book, but she did. If she had a chance of getting it in enough time to work on her homework, she’d have to go now. 

The clock on her desk informed her that it was just after eight at night. The easiest thing would be to call Clark and ask for a ride. By car, she only lived maybe two or three minutes from Giles Corey. But telling Clark didn’t make her feel any better about making such a stupid mistake. She knew that her boyfriend would never judge, but… she didn’t want to bother him. Annleigh had already taken up half of his evening in the treehouse; she didn’t feel right demanding more of his time. 

She’d walk then. It would only take fifteen, maybe twenty minutes total, and then she’d be back. If the junior climbed down the window, her parents wouldn’t even know she’d be gone. Farrah wasn’t home, so she didn’t have to worry about being caught by her, either. Not that Farrah had never snuck out, either, but the thought of her knowing Annleigh had made her stomach turn flips. 

_She doesn’t need to know you forgot anything,_ a little voice mocked her. _She already thinks you’re stupid enough._

Annleigh’s hands curled into fists at her side. That decided it, then. Time to go. 

The walk to school had been surprisingly easy. The streets were well lit and her neighborhood was quiet. No one was left on campus that she could see. It only took a few minutes to retrieve the textbook from her locker. By the time she had it in her hands, the brunette was feeling a bit better. All she had to do now was go home… and actually read it. 

Honestly, that might have been harder than sneaking out of the house. Studying was not something that came naturally to her. She was almost always restless and it seemed like no matter how hard she forced herself to focus, the information never stayed learned. It reminded Annleigh of those sticky hands children often received as prizes at arcades. They were supposed to cling on right to whatever you threw them at, but they almost always fell off instantly. Studying felt like that to the junior. It seemed like she had to work so hard to tell what the letters said that she missed what it was actually talking about. 

That wasn’t something she had to tackle now first. For the moment, she needed to get home before her mother and father—

Wait. 

Someone was sitting under one of the lights in the courtyard, cross-legged on the fountain. As Annleigh crept closer, heart rate once again speeding up, she noticed a familiar figure. Was that…

“Kate…?” Annleigh stepped into the light, trying not to startle the other person. What was the junior doing here at this hour? Had Chess not taken her home? That seemed unlikely; the brunette wasn’t sure how she felt about the senior, but she was one of the most responsible people on the team. 

( _Except when she dropped Farrah._ ) 

The smaller girl looked up, true panic evident in her eyes. Annleigh held up her hands reflexively to indicate she wasn’t a threat, but it seemed to take Kate a few moments to place her. Her eyes seemed out of focus and her movements didn’t feel quite right. She had her arms wrapped around herself to keep warm in the freezing night air, with only her flannel as any kind of comfort. 

Something wasn’t right. 

“What are you doing here?” Kate hissed at Annleigh, her bite almost twice as vicious as normal. The brunette flinched back without meaning to, not expecting the animosity. The two of them had never… been friends. But they typically tended to just ignore each other. “Go away.” 

It would have been easier just to turn around and leave. Once again, Annleigh knew she was witnessing something she wasn’t supposed to. Just like when they had been kids, this was a side of Kate that was private. The brunette raked her face for signs of what had happened and found her makeup smudged in various places. Tear tracks were clearly visible, even with only the singular light to help. 

She’d been crying? Annleigh shifted nervously. She hadn’t… known Kate could cry. 

“Did Chess not take you home?” The brunette stood her ground, clutching the textbook to her chest. “Do you want me to call Clark or my parents? They could—”

“She took me home, Jesus.” Kate glared at her, anger not quite covering her still watery eyes. “I just came back here. It doesn’t matter. Why are you here?” 

Annleigh hesitated. The whole reason that she’d come out so late was to make sure no one knew she’d forgotten the book. Still, it didn’t feel right to lie. Not if she wanted Kate to be honest, too. She nodded to the book in her hands. “I forgot my science book, so I came to grab it… if I didn’t start the reading tonight, there wouldn’t be enough time.” 

The shorter cheerleader appeared to be confused by that. She raises an eyebrow. “You need all weekend to read one chapter?” Kate asked, sounding vaguely suspicious. 

Nervously, Annleigh clutched the book tighter. She knew that Kate hadn’t meant it that way. She knew that Kate didn’t know. But it didn’t make it easier, hearing it. 

(She should be used to it by now, really. She didn’t know why those comments still hurt. They were so common that the girl had realistically heard them all. They shouldn’t bother her.) 

(They still did.) 

“Sometimes…” She fidgeted with a lock of her long hair. “The words on the page don’t stay in the right order and the letters… get jumbled. It takes a long time to read things, I guess.” 

There was a pause. “I-” Kate looked momentarily taken aback, as if she hadn’t been expecting an answer. “I… sorry. I didn’t mean it like- I… fuck. I guess I assumed you weren’t telling the truth and had come here to like, make out with your boyfriend or something, but that was a shitty thing to say. And it wasn’t funny. So… I’m sorry.” 

Under the top ten things that she had expected to hear today, Kate apologizing to her wasn’t one of them. She didn’t exactly blame her for not believing the book story, at first. “Clark’s at home. I just walked here.” Annleigh said, a little lamely. 

This made the other girl’s brow crease. “You walked here by yourself? Don’t you know that’s dangerous…?” 

“You walked here by yourself too, didn’t you? You live farther away.” The brunette pointed out. She knew Kate had a point, that it had been a stupid thing to do, but it wasn’t like the gymnast seemed very concerned about her own safety. 

There was a pause that lasted a few seconds. Just enough to make Annleigh worried that Kate might be able to yell or something. Finally- 

“... my parents are fighting again.” Oh. “I didn’t feel like saying just to be screamed at more than I already had been.” Kate fiddled with the beanie she was holding, rather than look at the other girl. Oh. Oh. Oh.

… oh. 

“So you walked all the way here? By yourself?” Annleigh felt her tone shift from confusion to concern without a conscious effort. “Why didn’t you call Chess or someone?” 

Kate shot her a glare, but then sighed. “Chess doesn’t exist just to protect me. I didn’t want to bother her, alright? It isn’t the end of the world if I camp out—” She cut herself off. 

“Camp out?!” Annleigh’s eyes widened. “Kate, you can’t spend the night out here! That’s not safe. Anyone could come and take you or something!” 

The smaller figure fiddled with her hat, silent. The gymnast must have known that the brunette was right. No matter how safe this neighborhood was, sleeping somewhere this exposed wasn’t the answer. What had even driven her to that idea? Was it… oh, God. 

“Kate…” Annleigh was hesitant, trying desperately to get more information without scaring the junior away. “Is… is it safe for you to go home right now…?” 

After a moment, Kate shrugged. As nonchalant as it was, the movement told the brunette everything she needed to know. “It’s fine, okay?” She snapped. “It’s just… loud, most of the time. All the yelling fucks me up, I guess.” 

That settled it. 

“Come home with me, then.” Annleigh didn’t phrase it as a question. It wasn’t. She wasn’t going to let Kate sleep in the school’s parking lot and she absolutely wasn’t going to take her home to somewhere she could be in trouble. There were lots of reasons a house might be unsafe at some point or another. Even if fighting didn’t necessarily denote safety, she wasn’t going to let Kate go back to somewhere she was so obviously uncomfortable. Annleigh wasn’t going to ask for the details unless Kate chose to share them. That wasn’t her business. But keeping the other girl safe? That was. 

Kate scowled at her, but it didn’t do much to hide the way she tensed up. The smaller girl had always reminded Annleigh a little of her family’s cat, with the way she tried to puff herself up when she was scared. She never knew how much of the other girl’s anger was bravado to mask fear. “I don’t need your pity, Annleigh.” 

Kate glared at the brunette, but she stood her ground. “This isn’t about pity.” She tried to keep her nervousness out of her voice. “It’s about wanting you to be safe. I… remember when you took me out of class that one time. Before I…” She bit her lip. “Please don’t stay here, Kate. If you don’t want to come with me, I can call Chess or—” 

“You remember that?” The shorter girl’s voice had softened a tiny amount. 

The brunette nodded. “... I’m sorry I snapped at you. It was just— there was too much happening, and it’s… I’m not. I mean, they don’t want me to talk about things like that. Not with other people. And I got scared. Because you understood what was happening and you weren’t supposed to. Because you were being gentle with me, and I’d never seen you be anything but cold. It scared me because… I didn’t think I was supposed to know that about you. I never thought you’d have let me know.” 

The words hung in the air like a confession. 

“... alright.” Finally, shivering from the cold, Kate slid off the fountain and approached Annleigh. “Fine. I’ll go back with you. But just for tonight. Things will be fine in the morning. They always are.” The brunette couldn’t tell whether she believed her or not. But, for the moment, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that she was standing, ready to go. That she had trusted her enough to accept the offer, at least this once. 

It didn’t quite feel like friendship, but it was a start. It was something. 

The brunette nodded, trying not to break down as she cradled her science book in her hands. Kate wasn’t going to stay here. She wasn’t going to go back home. She was going to be safe. 

“Okay, then. Just for tonight.” 

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**Direct Message:** **clark~! @ 💍annie💖**

_8:26 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

**💍annie💖:** Hey, love! I know this is really short notice, but does your family still have their air mattress? If they do, would we be able to borrow it?? 

**clark~!:** i’ll check right now!

**💍annie💖:** Thank you so much! You’re my hero **💖💖**

**clark~!:** of course!

**clark~!:** anything for you, love

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

  
  


Several hours later than she should have, Riley got the distinct impression that Cairo was not actually paying attention to the screen. 

The two of them had been run through three movies by this point in the night and were halfway through their fourth. They always alternated who got to pick, since the two of them had completely opposite tastes. Riley almost always picked a romantic comedy. It didn’t matter if it was good or bad, really. To tell the truth, she didn’t even like them. The redhead had never had the attention span for movies. They moved too quickly or were too slow or she couldn’t follow the plot. Cairo was much more into cinematography than she was, although she always picked some sort of horror movie. Not an actually scary one (not since Riley had cried herself to sleep for weeks after watching IT), but one that had enough suspense to involve her in the plot. 

It was the same reason that Riley picked romances. She thought… you know… maybe after all these years… Cairo might have gotten the hint. But if she had picked up on it, the girl had never said anything. 

Ugh. Why was being in love with your best friend so complicated? 

More than anything else, Riley liked to watch Cairo watch movies. This might have been strange, but she was always so animated during them. Her best friend always kept up a string of dialogue during them. Other people might have found it slightly obnoxious (or at least, difficult to follow the movie over it), but the redhead never minded. She liked the sound of Cai’s voice, liked listening to her theories about who’d done it and hear her cheer for herself when she inevitably had guessed it right, liked falling asleep to her commentary that was almost always more fun than the actual picture itself.

In the end, really, these were all ways of saying that she just liked Cairo. 

By this point in the night, Riley no longer had a concept of what time it was. Cairo’s phone had died hours before (not that the battery had been well charged to begin with), so they’d switched to her laptop. The two of them had changed positions several times, gotten up to stretch and eat. Riley had pulled one of Cai’s sweatshirts over her own workout outfit to keep warm, but her friend was doing a fairly good job of that as well with the way the two of them were intertwined. Some people might have been nervous to be this closely connected to their crush…

But crush didn’t feel like the right word to describe Cairo. It never had. A crush felt like something minor, like a phase of your life that came and passed without much actual effect. Childish, even. What she felt for Cairo had never been like that. Even before Riley had realized that some of her feelings were not as platonic as she had first understood, her best friend was never just some phase of her life. Cairo was her whole world. She made her feel stable, grounded, in a way no one else could. And sure, the world wasn’t always perfect. There were cracks in their relationship, things they still needed to work on. Clearly, neither of them were as great at being honest as they had promised the other one they would be. But it only made them have to work at sanding out their rough edges, making them fit smoothly together with each other. 

“Cai…” Riley whispered to the dark room, the only light being the laptop screen. She wasn’t even sure if the other girl was awake. Her commentary of this movie had trailed off a few minutes before. Lying next to her on the bed, the redhead could feel her even breathing. “Are you still up?”

There was a sleepy noise that came from just a bit to her left, somewhere between a groan and an affirmation. “Mmm…” Her friend rolled over to press pause on the laptop. “God, it’s not even midnight, yet. I’m exhausted.” 

The light of the computer illuminated the outline of her face, and Riley inherently moved towards her. She pressed her head against Cairo’s shoulder, pressing in closely as the taller girl draped an arm around her lazily. “You sure you’re doing okay?” She asked, nudging the redhead softly. “You haven’t been this affectionate since we were, like, nine.” 

Judging by the smile in her tone, though, Cai wasn’t exactly complaining. It only made Riley wrap herself more tightly in her friend’s arms. She closed her eyes, wishing she could stay in this moment with her, where there was no fear. No parents to please or team to lead or shouting that she couldn’t keep out of her head. There was just Cairo, and there was no one else in the world that Riley would have rather been with. 

“‘m fine now.” She mumbled, her voice heavy with sleep. “Just tired, too…”

There was a moment of silence. Riley had thought that the other senior had drifted off to sleep, before she felt herself being nudged gently. “Rye, can we talk? It’s okay if you want to rest first, but…” 

The redhead hesitated. “I don’t want to talk about the, t-the.. the fainting t-thing, yet.” Her stutter crept out with her sudden jolt of anxiousness. She couldn’t tell her how bad things had been at home lately. Not in this moment. She didn’t want to think about everything that hurt. Not right now.

Cairo sighed. “Not about that, although I am still worried about you. No, I, um. I meant about us, actually.” It was strange to hear her friend sound hesitant. It was Riley’s job to be nervous, not the prom princess’s. She was always so confident. The redhead’s heart started pounding. Oh God, oh God, oh God… was she going to leave her, too? After all they’d been through? Was this it? Had Cai finally given up on her?

The other girl must have felt the increase in Riley’s breathing, because she reached out and ran a hand through her hair. “Hey, it’s not like that. Promise. I was just going to ask what we were. Or, I guess. If you might, you know. Want to change it a bit.” 

Riley frowned. “What we… are?” Her head was still foggy from the lack of sleep she’d been getting in the past few days. “You mean, like friends?” How was this not what it sounded like? Cai wanted to stop being friends? What had happened- “You want to change it…?” The redhead couldn’t keep the nervousness out of her tone. “D-did I d-do, do something. Something w-wrong?” 

“Riley.” Cairo reached out a finger and gently directed the captain’s chin in her direction. It was hard to see everything even with the computer’s outline, but her friend’s expression was soft. “I’m trying to tell you that I want to kiss you if you’d like me to.”

.

..

…

Wait. What?

Her heart practically froze in her chest. Kiss- as in. But, that would mean. That would mean- “K-kiss me…? Like, m-me me…?”

The redhead could envision the exasperation on the other girl’s face even if she couldn’t see it clearly in the dark room. “Do you see any other Riley in this room?” She could audibly hear the eye roll. “Yes, you, dork. To spell it out more clearly, I would like to kiss you and I would like to stop pretending we’re just friends if you feel the same way. I just… I mean, maybe I was imagining it but-” 

“Yes.” Cairo paused as Riley moved her face slightly closer, beginning to close the gap between them. Her heart was racing a mile a minute. “Yes… yes…” The redhead was beginning to tremble again, this time from the exhilaration of what was happening. Was this a dream? 

“Woah—” The prom princess let out a laugh at Riley’s immediate movement. “Do you want to talk about this first? Like, what it means or something? I don’t mind if we wait to discuss what you, you know, might. Want to be or something, if you’d rather.” 

The redhead shook her head, gazing at Cairo with a starstruck expression. “I don’t care about what it makes us, if that changes… I just. I love you. I don’t know anything else, really. I’m not… good with h-how to put it. I love you, Cai.” The other girl was staring steadily at her. “I don’t care a-about, about the details as long as you’re here with me.” 

They narrowed the gap between them again, so close that their noses were almost touching. Both of them could feel how their hearts pounded. “Riley Williams,” Cairo was smiling. “Did you of all people just say you didn’t care about the details?” 

“Oh, shut up…” 

The redhead rolled her eyes playfully before closing them. She tilted her head to the side, not entirely sure what was going to happen next. She felt Cairo’s thumb run against her cheek as her friend had done so many times before for reassurance. “Is this okay?” The taller girl murmured. “Is it alright if I kiss you?” 

Riley nodded, smiling more widely than what was ideal for this situation. “Yes. More than okay…!” 

And then it was happening. Cairo closed the gap between them, pressing her lips against Riley for a few moments that seemed to linger. It was sweet, innocent in the way that reminded the redhead of when they’d practiced romance scenes watching that movie all those years ago. When she’d first kissed her. 

What was the name of the movie, again? It suddenly didn’t seem so important. Nothing did, really. Not right now. Everything else could wait. 

“O-oh…” Riley sighed breathlessly as the two of them separated, still nose to nose. She couldn’t keep herself from trembling. “Oh…!” 

The other girl snorted. “That’s it? I wait ten years of my life for this exact moment and your first thought is just ‘oh’? I was kind of expecting applause.” The teasing in her tone was evident. 

The redhead giggled as she pushed her forehead against Cairo’s, ignoring the playful huff of the taller girl. “Maybe… we should try it again, then~!” Riley suggested in a deceptively innocent tone. “J-just, just to see if I say something different this time.” 

At this, the dark-haired girl burst out laughing. “You are unbelievable, you know that? Truly unbelievable. One of these days, I swear, you’re going to be the end of me.” 

“Promise you’ll kiss me again before then, though?” Riley murmured sleepily, curling herself next to Cairo’s side and closing her eyes. With her head against the cheerleader’s chest, the captain could hear her steady heartbeat. It was so nice and warm, and everything was perfect. Everything, for once, was quiet. 

Cai pressed her lips to the smaller girl’s forehead before closing her own eyes. As she drifted off to sleep, the corners of her mouth twitched up in a smile. For this moment, it was going to be alright. 

“Promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: Chess had a new injury and then was pushed by her coaches to go back to competing too soon, leading her to become addicted to medicine. It's completely possible that this isn't the canon interpretation of what happened, but with Farrah's line in the show ("the whole country already knows she can't pass a drug test") and the way this story is developing, it made more sense that she returned to competing briefly and was caught using the drugs, rather than her injury being what stopped her career. I hope that makes sense!
> 
> Welcome back to another episode of Paige drops another like 12,000 word chapter at you. I am just Really in it, guys. Term started and I have barely noticed. I wanted this chapter to be out of the way so much... this was a lot to get through, but it had to be done. I tried to intersperse some happier moments in there when I could, but it was definitely important to me from the beginning that the first one Chess open up to not be Kate. I love those two very much, but even though she doesn't know Eva very well yet, it made more sense for the two of them to talk. Eva is generally a lot less hot-headed, and as we see in the show when uhhhhhh shit goes down, Kate doesn't always do the best with surprises. But I promise, soon we will get them back together (techincally, they've already seen each other since, I just could not write another POV), but-
> 
> Anyway, I'm so proud of Riley and Cairo. I just... *shoves them together* I love them. They are just so Special to me. And yes ajdsas every kiss scene I do will have that much asking for consent because I personally do not like when people do not do that and I am ruler of this land lol. Also, I just think they would be really careful about each other's boundaries. They are super cute together... a few of you mentioned you were also here for the Cairo/Riley fluff, so I hope I did them justice!
> 
> The good news is the next chapter will be sleepover central! Not the murder kind (probably /j), hooray! I'm really excited for the story to get a little bit lighter (haha... pun intended). As always, if there's a particular interaction you'd like to see, feel free to let me know in the comments or on tumblr! You guys have been so, so incredible with your support for this fic, honestly! The amount of love and interaction you've had has been overwhelming and I really hope that I continue to live up to your expectations!!
> 
> That's it for me! I'm off to do Metaphysics homework! As always, make sure to take care of yourself, drink some water, and rest if you can! You've got this!
> 
> ~ Paige <3
> 
> (If you'd like to hang out with me, my tumblr is @moxy-by-proxy !)


	8. 008. The Start Of Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look how fast I can project on literally every character.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, this is almost 13k words... I... I don't know. I do not know how this happened. I am so sorry. 
> 
> (Also Nina is Eva's younger sister who Mattie mentions being friends with in earlier chapters! She's an OC and obviously not backed by canon haha, but I hope you like her anyway! Coming up with family members is always so scary lol, but I did really just want to give Mattie a friend haha!)
> 
> TW: There's a panic attack and a few moments of disassociation in Kate's second POV. It's only described in the first few paragraphs, so you can skip to the line that starts with 'The door closed softly' and miss the main parts of it, as well as most of her negative inner thoughts. Otherwise, there's discussion of toxic parenting / fighting, alcohol, and general warnings for anxiousness / negativity in parts. Stay safe, everyone!

**Direct Message:** **nanananina @ hot wheels**

_6:43 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

**nanananina:** MADS

**nanananina:** MATTIEEE

**nanananina:** THE LIGHT OF MY LIFEEEEEE 

**nanananina:** THE SUN TO MY MOON

**nanananina:** THE SALT TO MY PEPPER

**nanananina:** … okay thats all i got so now u have to answer 

**hot wheels:** LOL! You only know two paired things??? 

**nanananina:** shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**nanananina:** …. that is not the point at this moment in time, mattie wheeler. 

**nanananina:** the point is how was practice??????? 

**hot wheels:** Um… not so good, honestly 

**hot wheels:** Everyone was fighting and then our captain passed out, so we ended up going home early. 

**nanananina:** and you went with just “not so good”. you amaze me

**nanananina:** but fr that sucks :((( is your captain gonna be okay?? 

**hot wheels:** I’m not sure… I think I’m gonna text her later to see! 

**nanananina:** here u can send her this 

**nanananina:** [[bugsbunny.jpg](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/812554209206468652/816489330502664202/image0.jpg)]

**hot wheels:** NINA— 

**nanananina:** just kidding!!!!!! 

**nanananina:** … but it was pretty funny, right? 

**hot wheels:** Yeah, yeah. You’re hilarious. 🙄

**nanananina:** and that’s why you love me! 

**hot wheels:** LOL 

**hot wheels:** Hey, did I tell you? Your sister was at my practice! 

**nanananina:** eva was at a gchs practice??????? 

**nanananina:** man if shes like a spy or smth and she didnt tell me, im gonna be so mad 

**nanananina:** unless you meant maggie and not eva in which case im gonna be even more mad that a five year old got to be a spy before i did 

_hot wheels has laughed at a message at 6:58 P.M._

**hot wheels:** Eva, of course, dummy. Why would Maggie be at practice??? 

**nanananina:** toddler spy shit obvi. keep up, b

**nanananina:** but to be fair, why would eva be there either?? 

**hot wheels:** I don’t know, really… she said she was friends with two of the girls on the team.

**nanananina:** my sister?? friends?????? Eva??? climatology notes occupy all my free time eva ?????????????? miss if u even look at me i will start rambling and tell u my whole life’s story??? two whole friends??? 

**hot wheels:** LOL! Don’t be meaannn. And yeah, apparently she met them yesterday? One of them is Chess from the Olympics!! Why didn’t you tell me Eva knew her?? 

**nanananina:** WAIT

**nanananina:** HOLD ON 

**nanananina:** SHE WASNT JOKING? 

**nanananina:** oh my goooddd hollllly shit, mads, i deadass thought she was pranking me 😬😅

**nanananina:** what the fuckkkkk 

**nanananina:** the chess from the Olympics is on your cheer team????????????!!??!??? im so jealous!!!!!? 

**hot wheels:** After today’s practice, I’ll trade you for the Titans any day… 

**nanananina:** done!! no takebacks! 

_hot wheels has laughed at a message at 7:03 P.M._

**nanananina:** anyway are u gonna come over tomorrow? mom’s home and can watch the gremlins so vee said she’d take us to the skate park if you wanted!! 

**hot wheels:** I’ll ask my mom when she gets home!! 

**nanananina:** epic 😎 okay, mom’s calling us for dinner so i gotta blast! love ya 

**hot wheels:** Have fun! ILY 2! 

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

Kate and Annleigh hadn’t bothered to sneak in. 

Apparently, the other junior must have texted her parents to tell her about Kate’s arrival, because both of them paused on the stairs to welcome her. The shorter person felt a little uncomfortable with their eyes on her. She hadn’t been around Mr. or Mrs. O’Daniel much, and she wouldn’t have suspected she was the type of person they wanted their children to be friends with. But… nothing happened. They both smiled at her like she slept over every weekend and informed Annleigh that she was free to use the kitchen as long as she cleaned up after herself. 

“Is Farrah back yet?” The brunette asked as her step-father padded up the stairs, clad in striped pajamas and gray sneakers. He looked like the stereotypical middle aged dad in a teen comedy. 

“She got back a few minutes before you did…” Something about his tone indicated she must have been drunk again. It wasn’t angry, really. Just worried. “If you could—” He trailed off, obviously communicating something without needing the words. 

The brunette nodded. “Will do.” 

And with that, they were left alone. She, Kate Dalton, was left alone in Annleigh’s house. Well, the latter was there as well, but still. This wasn’t exactly how she’d planned her first Friday of the semester. 

“Did you need to text your parents and tell them you’re staying over here?” Her perky voice came from the kitchen. She’d gone to grab something, but Kate hadn’t known whether to follow her or not. Everything here felt wrong. She didn’t even know whether the O’Daniel’s wanted her to take her shoes off or where to put them or anything. 

_Should just have called Chess. She already knows what a disappointment you are._

Oh. Right. She was supposed to answer. Kate cleared her throat. “Um, no.” How much of the truth did she owe Annleigh? It wasn’t like they were friends or anything. She was only staying here because she knew the other girl wouldn’t have dropped it otherwise. And because she’d stupidly forgotten her coat at home. That was it.

But still. The brunette had opened up about something she struggled with. Kate wouldn’t have shared it, honestly. Not that she was going to tell anyone, of course. But just because she hadn’t expected Annleigh to… she didn’t know… trust her? 

(And she certainly hadn’t expected her to remember that day back in middle school.) 

A little truth had to be shared back in return, if only because it was fair. “They won’t care if I’m gone, if even they notice.” Kate admitted, more to the floor of the house than the other girl. The words stung as they always did, the truth slamming into her like a gail force wind. At her side, her fists tightened. 

_Breathe._ The shorter girl attempted to force herself to relax, to not look as uncomfortable as she felt. Now wasn’t the time to panic. If there was anyone in the world who Kate didn’t want to let see her cry, it was Annleigh O’Daniel. 

Speaking of the girl, her brown curls bounced back into view. She was holding a bag of popcorn that was still steaming, and shoving a couple of sparkling waters into her backpack along with her science textbook. “Oh…” Her eyes were hard to read when they met Kate’s, and she broke the contact before the shorter figure could. It was strange, really. This atmosphere of not quite comfort, but not quite animosity, either. Annleigh seemed different here. Less chipper, but somehow a lot more… real. 

For the first time in a while, Kate thought back to that day.

_“Look, Annleigh… I know we’re not friends, but… I was worried, alright? Not just because you didn’t notice it, but because you started shaking and shit afterwards. It was like watching a TV screen turn off…”_

_Kate doesn’t know why she’s saying this. Why she cares about this other girl, who barely seems to know that she’s alive. She just does. Because it seems like the right thing to do, maybe? Because she’s lonely, and as much as she loves Chess, next year she’ll be in high school and leave her behind?_

_(Or maybe because it seems, from the way Annleigh shut off, like no one else does. Like no one else cares.)_

_(The smaller figure knows what that’s like.)_

_“Annleigh, it’s not fine. I… Jesus Christ, it’s not! It scared me. I didn’t know if you were, like, okay. Is someone telling you to do this or something? Is there something wrong? Just… just how much of this… this thing you’re doing is fake…?”_

It had never exactly left her head, really. She hadn’t recalled the memory in years, but the idea that Annleigh wasn’t exactly the person she was trying to convince people she was had stayed. But now, watching the brunette try to climb up the stairs holding way too many items and giggling slightly at her own antics, Kate wondered if this was as close as she’d come since that day to seeing the junior without her mask on. 

… did that mean she owed it to her to take her own off? 

That wasn’t going to happen. 

But Kate had to admit that it was almost… almost nice. She hadn’t been around a family that was quiet like this in as long as she could remember. Chess’s moms were nice, but they were always busy. Their house seemed to be bursting with energy at every time of the day. And her own house— 

_“You invited that bitch to our house?” Her mother was screaming up the stairs, but the sound of it. Even hiding in the basement, the noise of their fight was overwhelming. Kate rocked back and forth, trying to get the screaming out of her head. It was the same fight as always. Her father and his assistant or mistress or whatever. It didn’t even matter to her, anymore. Her mother wasn’t any better. If they would just make up their minds to leave each other and stop. Yelling._

_Her father was storming around the room. She could feel the footfalls shaking the wooden ceiling. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Her breath elevated, the sound of the shaking making her dizzy. Having her things in the basement had made more sense when she was younger and her older siblings had dibs on the best rooms upstairs. Now, with them gone, every time her parents fought, she felt trapped._

_Kate hated feeling trapped._

_She refused to stay where she was confined. It was bad enough that sometimes she felt like a stranger in her own body, but the basement felt like the walls were closing in on her. Out, out, out. She had to get out._

“Kate?” There was a gentle tap on her shoulder. She flinched, uncontrollably, before shaking herself out of her thoughts. Annleigh was standing there, popcorn in one hand, eyes full of something almost like concern. 

Fuck. 

_Don’t look at me like that._ Kate wanted to snap, scream, anything. _Don’t look at me like I’m something you get to pity. I’m not weak._

( _Yes, you are._ ) 

(She can’t know. She doesn't get to know.) 

“I’m fine.” Kate said bluntly, pushing past her and into the door that the brunette had opened for her before she froze. She didn’t know what she’d expected Annleigh’s room to look like, but it wasn’t this. 

It wasn’t as if she’d spent much time imagining it. When she’d been younger and had thought there was the possibility for friendship there, she might have considered it, but nothing came to mind. If she’d had to come up with something, the gymnast would probably have imagined bright pinks and posters of horses adorning the wall, plus all those ribbons for… dress… something or other. She never really listened when Annleigh was talking. 

Annleigh’s room was, for lack of another word, beautiful. It wasn’t Kate’s style at all, but something about it was striking in a way she couldn’t quite understand. Her bedspread was a pale yellow color, and accents of greens and lilacs gave it a distinctly fairytale vibe. Her dressers and cabinets were made of a soft-colored wood that softened the effect. When she switched on the light switch, dozens of fairy lights glittered to life in a way just soft enough to illuminate the room without making it unbearably bright. 

More than anything else, though, there were pictures. Hundreds of them. Polaroids adorned the walls, beautifully collected. Some had colored filters on them, so that collectively they made blue, green, and pink patterns on the way like an abstract painting. They seemed to be from all different times of life. Many had Annleigh in them, looking much younger than her current self, either alone or with friends. Clark was also present in more than Kate could count, grinning brightly besides his girlfriend from what looked to be first grade onward. The newcomer hadn’t known that they’d grown up with each other. She’d never really interacted with Clark at all, now that she thought about it. 

Many of the most striking images weren’t of Annleigh at all, though. The ones that stuck out to Kate seemed to for no rhyme or reason. There were pictures of flowers and beaches and groups of people she didn’t recognize. Several had a man that looked a lot like the brunette. That must have Annleigh’s father, then. 

“Did you take these?” Kate asked, her tone for once lacking any trace of bitterness. She spun around slowly in a circle, trying to take it all in. 

The brunette seemed surprised at the question. “Most of them. The ones I’m not in, at least.” She paused, picking at a corner of the bedspread. She’d put the popcorn and her book bag over on the desk. “I forgot you haven’t been here before.” 

Kate was still processing them. It felt stupid (and vaguely horrible to think) but she hadn’t realized that Annleigh was someone who was interested in things like photography. She knew about her cheerleading and horseback riding phases, obviously, but the gymnast couldn’t recall a time when she’d talked about this. “They’re really good.” The junior admitted. 

“Oh. Um. Thank you?” The fact that Annleigh seemed surprised by that comment stung a bit. Was it really that rare that Kate complimented someone? Did she come across as that ingenuine? Probably. Although, it might be possible that the brunette was experiencing the same sort of off-balance feeling that Kate was. She couldn’t exactly blame her for the shock. This wasn’t a situation she’d imagined herself in… ever. But here they were. They were just going to have to make the best of it. 

“Umm… let’s see…” Annleigh was bustling around, attempting to tidy up an already spotless room. Although, spotless didn’t even feel like the right word for it. Looking around, Kate could see tiny labels written in neat handwriting for where everything should go. _She takes that ‘a place for everything’ quote awfully seriously_ , Kate thought. The gymnast had half been expecting her to have some sort of “live, laugh, love” sign somewhere. “I asked Clark if he had his old air mattress from camping, but he said his parents had given it away… so, um, you can take the bed tonight and I’ll—”

“Woah,” Kate held up her hands. “I’m not kicking you out of your own bed, are you crazy? You don’t have to be so hospitable. I’m good on the floor.” 

The brunette shook her head, avoiding Kate’s attempt at humor. “No, really, um… I’d rather you take it, please? I wouldn’t feel right letting a guest sleep on the floor.” 

What was this girl’s deal? There was so much happening with her at any given point with her that the smaller girl had frankly given up trying to pinpoint what she was talking about. Kate surveyed the bed, which was covered in blankets and decorative pillows. It was one of those canopy beds, too, with drapes that could probably turn it into a little nook if the brunette untied it. It was kind of cute. She didn’t like small spaces, but it was interesting to learn that Annleigh did. 

Kate sighed. “Look, if you’re gonna be this frantic about it, why don’t we just both take the bed. I’m pretty sure we’ll fit somehow.” Her voice was dry, but she tried to keep the normal biting sarcasm out of her tone. Annleigh was just trying to help, after all. 

The brunette seemed even more hesitant at that idea. She’d begun rearranging the pillows and smoothing down the corners of the blankets nervously, apparently needing to move to stay focused on what she was talking about. “Um, it’s just that…” 

“I’m not going to seduce you, if that’s what you’re on about.” Kate deadpanned, annoyed at what she assumed must have been about her sexuality. Jesus Christ, how sheltered was this kid? 

Across the room, the brunette startled, blinking in confusion. “H-huh…?” She asked, looking genuinely perplexed before realizing. “Oh, gosh! N-no, nothing like that. I wasn’t even, I mean. I wasn’t considering that at all, I’m sorry that it… I mean, that it sounded. I mean, um… I like girls, too. Also. I mean—” She flushed. “Um, n-not. Not you. I mean. Obviously, you knew that, it was just. You know. I wasn’t trying to say… that. At all. I mean. That’s not something I'm worried about. Not to assume that was, um, what you… meant. I mean. I just… I’m not really sure what everyone’s used to. Um. And I try to make, uh, sure and stuff… but. I remember when Farrah got here, she really didn’t like to be in close contact or touched at all, so I didn’t want to put you… um… in a situation where… you might.” Annleigh trailed off lamely. It was perhaps the first time Kate had really witnessed the normally unflappable girl be unable to find the words to continue. Not that the gymnast blamed her after so many things had happened in that one exchange.

What the fuck was happening? 

Kate blinked after that. “Oh. Uh.” They were both standing there lamely. This hadn’t gone anywhere close to where the junior had been expecting it to. “That’s, uh, cool. Me… too, I guess?” There really hadn’t been a situation she’d expected where Annleigh O’Daniel was the first one to mention liking girls in this… not quite a friendship. The world seemed to be upside down. “Uh… but I’m good with sharing if you are. I don’t have a problem with being that close to people I know, um, in general. Thanks for… asking, though.” It was hard for her to sound genuine, but Kate tried valiantly on the last line. That wasn’t something a lot of people would have cared about or even noticed. 

Stranger and stranger. 

This at least seemed to make the other girl calm down a bit. The gymnast tried to busy herself with finding anything to change the topic. She ambled over to the horse girl’s desk, looking for something to comment on. Her eyes landed on a small picture of a lily, done in soft, pastel shades. It was lovely. As she looked around the desk, she noticed a few more held up or pinned to the cork board along with various assignment sheets. “Did you paint these, too?” Kate asked, picking up one of the watercolor postcards on the desk and turning them over in her hand. 

“Huh?” Annleigh had gone back to staring at the photos on the wall, reminiscing. “Oh, no. I’m not an artist like that. Farrah did those last year, I think. She wanted to throw them away, but I thought they were really nice. So… um. I took them out of the trash when she wasn’t looking. She never likes anything she does.” 

The brunette frowned at this, running a hand through her long curls. Kate paused too, adjusting her beanie. Farrah being self-critical wasn’t exactly something she wanted to know about the sophomore, somehow. There were always two different versions of the girl in Kate’s head, neither of which she had particularly seen as insecure. There was the current one that must have been drunk in the bedroom across the hall, who didn’t seem to care what anyone thought of her. And then, there was the freshman who had tagged along so often with her and Chess the year before. 

(Before everything had gone wrong.) 

Kate twirled slowly around again, taking in the pictures more carefully. Looking for the distinct difference in the sophomore. Judging by how wide-eyed and innocent Farrah looked in these photos, they were all old. She couldn’t have been more than nine or ten in a few. Huh. Kate had never really thought about the two girls as children. Honestly, until now, she hadn’t even known when their parents had gotten married. Nor had she cared. Farrah had always been annoying, even before this year. It had frustrated Kate greatly, the way Chess had let her hang around. As far as freshman went, Mattie seemed to be a vast improvement on last year. 

_The captain introduces Farrah to the team, and Kate dislikes her immediately. She knows nothing about the girl, except that she introduces herself as Annleigh’s younger sister. The brunette doesn’t say much to confirm or deny this, looking not altogether present in the conversation. If the freshman notices her sister ignoring her, she’s good at keeping the disappointment of her face._

_It’s Kate’s first year, too, but no one seems to care that much. Chess is… Chess, and she gets attention wherever she goes. It’s not always good, and since her accident, her friend has been hesitant to meet new people. But still. It’s attention. It’s something. (It’s more than Kate ever gets.) The team seems to idolize the senior, a real (almost) Olympian on their squad. The Tigers aren’t the greatest, but they seem to rally around Chess as their not-so-secret weapon. It doesn’t help that her friend is always so lovely and even-tempered all the time, too. She always knows what to say and do, when Kate’s constantly on the verge of breaking down._

_She’s sometimes so good, so kind, that it frustrates Kate. The fact that she gets all the attention. But she can’t tell Chess that, not the girl she loves so dearly, and so Kate focuses her anger on the freshman instead._

_Farrah is the perfect cheerleader in many ways. She’s perky, sweet. Almost like a mini-me of Annleigh, but with a good deal less religious rambling. At first, the team dotes on her like she’s everyone’s little sister, letting her follow them around everywhere they go. Kate rolls her eyes as the older girls braid Farrah’s hair back and teach her all sorts of stunts (stunts that the gymnast could do too, she’s just as short), snickering about the whole thing to Chess. But the older girl has always had a soft spot for stuff like this, and Kate knows how desperately her friend had always wanted a younger sibling of her own. Begrudgingly, Kate lets Farrah join them in conversations, at the lunch table, and anywhere she can think to tag along and intrude on._

_The only other member of the team who seems hesitant about Farrah’s presence is Annleigh. Kate doesn’t want to be on the same wavelength as the brunette, not again, but she can’t help but notice that something appears to be strained in their relationship. Part of the reason Farrah seems so eager to be liked is because her sister never seems to have much time for her. Annleigh is more distant and avoidant with Farrah around, much more like the girl Kate saw under the surface back in middle school. In turn, the freshman works harder and harder to get the team to like her. As if her sister’s attention can be made up for somehow. Chess is always all too happy to provide, coaching Farrah happily through basic stunts and gymnastic routines._

_It’s fine, really, it’s all fine. (Except for when it isn’t.)_

_And then, one day, it’s not fine at all._

“Kate…?” 

Annleigh’s voice brought her crashing back into reality and she shakes off the memories. It wasn’t safe to remember things here. Not when everything was changing. It would throw her off balance, the past and the present conflicting, and the junior needs to stay in balance. That’s what she liked about gymnastics. It made her learn to keep steady, to balance, even when the rest of her life felt like it was breaking apart. 

Of course, it hadn’t lasted. Nothing did, in the end. 

“Nothing.” Kate didn’t think that Annleigh had actually asked her a question, but it was better to respond negatively. Shut down a line of curiously before O’Daniel overstepped her boundaries. The two of them were not friends. They were maybe something less than enemies, just for the night. Tomorrow, Kate was determined to go back to her regularly scheduled routine of detesting the brunette and her step-sister and everything they stood for. 

The other girl hesitated from the other side of the room, as if unsure whether to let it go or not, but eventually relented. There was another few seconds of uncomfortable silence as Annleigh played with the corner of her bedspread, trying to think of something to say. “Um, do you want to change? I’m sure I have pajamas or something that would probably be more comfortable.” She trailed off. 

Kate debated about protesting, because she did not want to envision a scenario where she wore whatever Bible-printed sleepwear Annleigh probably had, but it would have been pointless. Her skinny jeans and flannel were not exactly the picture of comfort, and attempting to claim that they were would probably just hurt the brunette’s feelings in the end. Plus, she wasn’t sure she could sleep in them, either. Her plan of running away hadn’t exactly been well thought out this time. The junior kept spare clothes at Chess’s house, but that would have involved… being there. 

She wasn’t really sure why she hadn’t run there. Something had been off with her friend when the gymnast had come to get her after the disastrous practice. It just hadn’t felt right to bother her. Sometimes it seemed like all the junior did was bother Chess. 

“Sure.” Kate shook herself again, remembering that Annleigh was still waiting for a response. “That would be awesome. Thanks.” 

The brunette smiled weakly as she made her way over to the dresser in the corner. Kate couldn’t see over her shoulders, but there seemed to be a lot of debate. Annleigh apparently took pajamas very seriously. The gymnast shifted her weight back and forth nervously, the silence overwhelming. 

After a few moments, Annleigh seemed to locate what she was looking for. “Here!” She thrust the soft clothes at Kate, tossing them instead of handing them like a normal person might have. The smaller girl had to fling herself forward to catch them. They were not quite as terrible as she imagined. Just a pair of grey sweat pants with polka dots and a pink t-shirt. No bible verses to be seen. 

_Well, I’ll take what I can get._

Another pause as the two girls looked at each other 

“Oh!” Annleigh seemed to realize what was missing. “Um, the bathroom’s down the hall. Second door on the left.” 

“Gotcha.” Kate nodded, more than happy to escape for just a moment of private. “I’ll be back, then.” 

Second door on the left. Second door on the left. She could do that. Right? Right. But, as she left the brunette’s room, Kate felt herself second-guessing even those simple instructions. Had Annleigh meant Kate’s left or her own? She pushed at the door she prayed led to the bathroom and was relieved to find herself face to face with a shower. Thank God. The last thing the gymnast needed was to accidentally barge into Mr. and Mrs. O’Daniels’ room after they were hospitable enough to let her stay on such short notice. 

She changed as quickly as possible, avoiding the large mirror over the sink. Kate detested her own reflection on good days. It made her feel dizzy, trying to connect who she knew she was with her own body sometimes. Wearing Annleigh’s pajamas would not have helped anything. Thankfully, they at least fit. The pants were a little long, since Annleigh was at least three or four inches taller than she was, but otherwise wearable. And, unfortunately, far more comfortable than her jeans. She stepped out of the bathroom and—

Slammed into Farrah, almost knocking the girl over. 

“Jesus Christ— are you trying to give me a head injury, too?”

Reflexively, Kate reached out a hand to catch her, grabbing the sophomore and pulling her back to upright with practiced ease. It didn’t seem to have been the right thing to do, however. “Get off me.” Farrah hissed, jumping back as if Kate had burned her, and her eyes were wild when they met the junior’s own before the younger girl managed to calm herself. She sucked in a breath, looking Kate up and down as if suddenly seeing her for the first time, before she seemed to relax. This was strange to the junior. Kate had not expected Farrah of all people to be someone who could relax even the smallest amount around her. 

The sophomore looked different, too. Kate couldn’t place it for a moment, but then realized that she’d never actually seen Farrah without her makeup done. Without it, she seemed much younger. That was probably her intended effect, but it still sent the newcomer reeling. 

She also seemed a lot more… calm, too, now that her momentary panic had subsided. It made sense, Kate supposed. This was her house. Even if Farrah wasn’t always comfortable here, it was familiar. Her territory. The alcohol in her system didn’t seem to be phasing her too much, if there had been any at all, and her eyes weren’t full of their usual anger when she looked the junior up and down. 

“If you’re here to rob us, there are probably better things to go for.” Farrah had a subtle hint of a smirk on her face. It was a little less mocking than usual, which made Kate somehow feel more confused. It felt like the world was upside down. “Annleigh’s pajamas wouldn’t be where I’d start personally if I was going to become a cat burglar, but to each their own, I suppose.” 

“What?” Kate was confused for a second, before remembering what she was wearing. “Oh. I’m not stealing them. I just didn’t have other clothes.” 

The sophomore frowned slightly, before shrugging. “Whatever. I’d offer you mine, but then you tried to attack me.” 

“I didn’t—” The junior started, anger flaring immediately. What was she talking about? All she’d done was leave the bathroom. It was Farrah’s own fault she didn’t wait for the door to open before barging in. 

Farrah snorted, holding up her hands. “It was a joke.” 

Oh. 

She’d known that. 

(Probably.) 

The younger girl was giving her an odd look. There was something hard to read that had slipped into her expression. It made Kate feel too exposed, too vulnerable. She did not want to be close enough to be examined like a book. The junior couldn’t shake off the impression that even Farrah was… concerned about her. “Whatever.” Kate grumbled, unable to formulate a better comeback. 

“ _Okayyyy_ , then.” The sophomore whistled, nodding with her head to the bathroom. The older girl realized she was blocking the entrance and moved out of the way. Farrah gave her another odd look before entering and closing the door behind her. 

This was going to be a long night. 

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**Direct Message:** **Chess @ Clark (apush)**

_8:12 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

**Chess:** Hey!! So sorry to bother you so late! I was just wondering, did you happen to get the worksheet for hist today?? I think Smith forgot to pass them to my row 

**Clark (apush):** no worries!! yeah, i’ve got it! do you want me to send you a screen shot? 

**Chess:** That would be awesome, thanks!! 

**Clark (apush):** [apushworksheet.jpg]

**Clark (apush):** here you go!

**Chess:** You’re a lifesaver!

**Chess:** Ugh… so not looking forward to another DBQ. I never get how to use the documents right.

**Clark (apush):** right??? and Smith’s such a hard grader too. 

**Clark (apush):** if you’re free this weekend, we could study if you want?? no pressure ofc but maybe if we worked together we could figure it out!

**Chess:** That would be awesome!! Does tomorrow in the afternoon work for you?

**Clark (apush):** yep! do you wanna meet at the starbucks by campus at like 2ish?

**Chess:** Sure! 

**Clark (apush):** great! i’ll see you there, then! 

**Chess:** See you then!

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

Farrah wasn’t sure what to think of running into Kate Dalton in her own hallway. 

It was, quite honestly, an event that she could truthfully say that she had never considered. Which was saying a bit. Farrah wasn’t a planner, but she was someone who struggled to live in the moment. Her life revolved around the future in so many ways. There was always something that could happen, something that could change. Go wrong. 

(Besides. If she spent enough time in the future, the girl wouldn’t have to think about the past.) 

But Kate Dalton was throwing a wrench in that plan. The same Kate Dalton that she’d sworn to hate the second she came to Chess’s aid and not her own. The Kate Dalton who complained so loudly about Farrah’s existence last year, who ignored her when she tried to win her over, who pulled Chess away. 

Kate Dalton, who had always thought Farrah was worthless. The junior wasn’t like everyone else, at least. Farrah almost preferred it. Better to be hated from the get-go then to be loved and lose it, right? 

The whole thing was so fucked up, Farrah almost laughed. God, her sense of humor was off the rails. At some point, humor had probably stopped being a good coping mechanism. Maybe it never had been, really. But what was that saying again? If it’s broken, don’t fix it? Wait... that wasn't it. And did that even apply your psyche? The image of a doctor trying to put pieces of a brain back together with super glue flashed into her mind. The sophomore snorted. Probably not what therapy looked like. 

Well, anyone who tried would need a whole lot more than some tape and glue to fix Farrah. She was broken through and through. That’s what everyone said, anyway. And in the end, if people think it’s true, doesn’t that make it so in all the ways that matter?

If all the world believes a lie except you, how do you know you’re not the liar in the end? 

The image of Kate in her hallway wouldn’t leave Farrah’s mind. The sophomore briefly wondered what had led to that series of events before sighing. It would be impossible to come up with the truth from what she knew. Better to not think of it at all, she thought as she crossed from the bathroom back to her own room. There were dozens of reasons that Kate could have shown up here, and all seemed personal. As much as she disliked the older girl, Farrah wasn’t a total asshole. Some things should be kept private. 

Opening the door to her room, the girl collapsed dramatically onto her bed and curled up. She was exhausted. The party earlier had been a bust. No one she liked had been there and the thought of drinking didn’t feel nearly as appealing as it usually did. Farrah had opted to skip the alcohol altogether and had eventually called for a lift home before the party really even peaked. 

(She’d still pretended to be drunk coming in, of course. That’s what her parents expected from her at this point. They assumed the worst. Why bother trying to change their mind if they were determined to see her as a failure?)

As the sophomore lay there with her eyes closed, she felt something cuddle into her side. A smile passed over her face. “Hey, Ci…” She mumbled as the small dog nestled into her. Farrah chuckled. “Nice to see you, too! I was only gone four minutes.” 

The Pomeranian didn’t respond, of course. Dogs did not speak, as far as she knew. It was disappointing, in some cases. If Cider could speak, the world probably wouldn’t feel so lonely all the time. It was sad how often that her dog seemed to be Farrah’s constant companion. “Constant” was really just another term for “only” in the end. 

She let out a sigh, letting the pup fall asleep beside her. Farrah wasn’t in a very comfortable position, but it felt like a cardinal sin to move her. Besides, her head was still mostly occupied by Kate Dalton in the room next to her own. The sophomore stared at the door that connected her and Annleigh’s room, wondering what might be happening on the other side. She had the distinct impression that this had not been something planned. Although she and Annleigh weren’t always on speaking terms at the moment, her sister would probably have told her if there had been advanced notice. Besides, why the hell would those two have ever planned something like this? There was no doubt in her mind that the last thing on Earth Kate would do willingly would be wear Annie’s pajamas. 

No. It hadn’t been something planned. 

… so what was it, then?

There was a growing part of Farrah that didn’t want to know, if she was honest. She didn’t want Annleigh to tell her, even if she was not sure whether the junior would keep a secret or not. Her sister wasn’t always the best at not confessing. She tried, of course, but it stressed her out too much to lie to those she knew. Especially if someone was in trouble. 

And, judging by the familiar aura of fear that had surrounded the older cheerleader when Farrah had stumbled into her, Kate might have been in trouble. 

That’s why Farrah didn’t want to know. Because if Kate Dalton had tried to run away, too… well, it was just one more thing that they would have in common. 

_The first time she runs away from home, she’s seven. It’s not this home, though. It’s the one before with her father and her real mother. The mother who left her behind. Not that she cares, really._

It’s probably one of the things she should care about, Farrah knew. There’s a lot about her life that’s like that. She knew that doctors and therapists would all just tell her variations of the same thing. That she’s shutting herself off from others emotionally. That she’s afraid of letting someone in. That she’s become apathetic in an attempt to protect herself. 

Yeah, no duh. Who wouldn’t after what her life has been like? 

_She runs away the first time because she’s curious. Is that horrible? Farrah thinks it might be horrible, but it doesn’t stop her legs from pushing her farther and farther down the street. The child runs fast, faster than she ever has in hide-and-seek on the playground. It feels a little like that game, really. In her mind, Farrah wants the same result: for someone to come find her. Look for her. Care that she was gone._

_But her father’s at work and doesn’t know. Farrah sits on the bench in the park for hours, swinging her legs and shooting dirty looks at anyone who tries to approach her, until she eventually realizes her mother isn’t coming for her. If she stays here, her father would come looking. But he’d be tired and angry, and then he’d be angry at her mother, too, and Farrah can’t handle the yelling tonight._

_She walks back home, wondering if the woman who was supposed to care about her had even noticed she was absent._

_Farrah’s seven when she realizes that she isn’t the type of person people go looking for._

Beside her, Cider is snoring gently. Farrah likes the sound. It’s familiar. She buries her face in the dog’s soft fur, trying to block out the memories that keep rushing back to her. 

_The second time she runs away from home, she’s nine. Her belongings haven’t even been unpacked in her new bedroom in her new house with her new family. There isn’t even anything that Farrah can think to tell someone is wrong, and that’s what hurts. It hurts there’s nothing wrong anymore. It hurts to look at her new mother and sister and how sweet and nice they both are, and it hurts to know that she’s not like that. It hurts because now that her mother’s gone, Farrah’s the only one who seems broken._

_(How long will she last here? How long until they get rid of her, too? How long do they try to pretend she fits into their perfect little family when everyone knows we’re lying?)_

_She never runs far enough away for anyone to notice. That’s the problem. Farrah thinks she’d like to. That she’d like to take off sometimes and never look back. But the girl’s afraid._

_Afraid that even if they noticed, no one would come get her._

Kate. 

That’s who Farrah was thinking about. She shook herself, accidentally waking up Cider. “Sorry, girl.” The sophomore apologized, scratching her behind the ears to make it up to her. The animal seemed content in this arrangement. She settled back down on her owner’s stomach and promptly closed her eyes. The corners of Farrah’s mouth twitched into a smile. She was lucky to have someone who loved her unconditionally, even if it was her dog. 

… did Kate? 

Farrah couldn’t remember ever seeing the junior’s parents, now that she thought about it. This struck her as strange. Sure, the Tigers’ games weren’t always at convenient points in time, but they had to have been free for at least one event, right? Her father and step-mother practically lived at games if they could make it work with their work schedule. Even after just a year, Farrah had started to recognize people. Chess’s mothers were always cheering and had some sort of sign or banner. The gymnast had introduced Farrah to them once in freshman year, but she’d been a little shell struck after performing for one of the first times. Cairo’s parents were also frequent attendees, with her two younger siblings racing around the field. Reese said her parents worked the night shift, but her older sisters occasionally dropped by whenever they were home on a break from university. The only people who were always missing were Riley and Kate’s families. 

“Fucked up, isn’t it, Ci?” Farrah murmured to the dog as she switched off the light and settled into her bed. She didn’t expect to be ready to fall asleep soon, but it never hurt to try. The faster she could slip into oblivion, the faster she could forget about Kate Dalton. “In the end, we’re all just totally messed up…” What an absolute train wreck of a team they all were. She hated them. She hated them all. 

But as she closed her eyes, the image of Kate in the hall with her makeup smudged from crying and her defenses up higher than they’d ever been, Farrah felt something almost like pity. She knew a runaway when she saw one. 

And, as much as she despised Kate… everyone deserved to be looked for. If no one would come for her next time, Farrah decided that she would. 

In the end, some things meant more than holding grudges. 

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**Direct Message:** **nanananina @ hot wheels**

_9:30 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

**nanananina:** so i 

**nanananina:** made something for u

**nanananina:** [[thisisfine.jpg](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/812554209206468652/816496244166754324/505h0b.png)]

**hot wheels:** …

**hot wheels:** Nina, I swear to God-

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

Annleigh needed to do something with her hands. 

It had to be past midnight by this point, but sleep wasn’t coming to her. This wasn’t unusual. She wasn’t someone who found it easy to drift off into unconsciousness. The junior had tried every self-help book, trick, and technique out there by this point; she just couldn’t ever seem to fall asleep when she wanted to. 

Judging by the way Kate was breathing, the other girl was still up, too. Annleigh winced. That probably sounded wrong. She hadn’t intentionally been listening to the smaller figure. It was just… hard not to. The dressage rider couldn’t remember the last time she'd had someone sleep over. It must have been Farrah, when the two of them were much younger. Back when things were better between them but worse as a whole, that is. Farrah would come in after her latest nightmare and Annleigh would pile all the pillows and blankets on the floor to fashion a make-shift fort. For a long time, the older girl had been the only person her sister would willingly speak with. The brunette could remember her when she had first arrived. It had taken months of coaxing to get her to speak more than a few words at a time. But Annleigh had eventually gotten through her walls eventually. 

“Kate…?” The cheerleader whispered into the darkness, wondering if this was a good idea. For all she knew, maybe the gymnast had been asleep. Maybe she didn’t want to talk to her anymore. Annleigh wouldn’t exactly have blamed her. The brunette felt like she’d done nothing all night except mess up. “Are you awake?” 

There was a rustle from the side of the bed. Kate shifted on her side, rolling over to face the ceiling so she could hear better. “What’s up?” Her voice sounded mellower with sleep. It was nice, almost, without the trademark snark. 

Encouraged by this, Annleigh continued before she lost her nerve. “I can’t sleep.” 

“Oh.” It sounded like the other junior was frowning as she tried to process the words. She yawned. “Sorry. Me neither, I guess.” 

That was all she needed. “Do you… um…” This was stupid. This was a stupid idea. Kate wasn’t her friend. They were just two people on the same cheer team who had called a truce on hating each other for this one night. This was a stupid idea. “Do you want to do something, maybe?” 

The junior made a noise that sounded half like a snort and half like a grunt. “Like what?” 

“Um…” This was a bad idea. “Well. We could, um…” Was she going to ask? “We could _buildafort_.” Annleigh could barely get the words out fast enough. This was stupid and childish and she shouldn’t have said anything at all. She should have just gone to bed. 

There was a moment of silence. Although it couldn’t have been longer than a few seconds, to the brunette it felt like eternity. This was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Everything she did was. 

“Okay.” Kate’s voice interrupted her thoughts. Annleigh had almost begun to apologize for saying anything when she recognized the affirmative. What? “Like a pillow fort, right?” 

The junior nodded, before remembering that Kate couldn’t see her in the dark. “Um, yeah. Sometimes, I just hate sleeping in a bed, I guess. Farrah and I used to make forts all the time when we were younger.” Annleigh trailed off, crawling out of bed and flipping the fairy lights on. In the otherwise dark room, the lights seemed to sparkle with new possibility. The brunette kept her eyes on the pillows and not on her houseguest as she began dragging the blankets over to the corner of her room where her bean bag chairs were. Behind her, she could hear Kate rustling as she sat up and stretched. 

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Kate sounded sleepy, even if she hadn’t yet fallen asleep. “I guess I hadn’t thought about you and Farrah as kids, much. I just assumed… I don’t know. You never seemed very close on the team, I guess, so I assumed you two hadn’t grown up together.” 

That made Annleigh’s heart dip. Had she been that cold to Farrah? Really? It hadn’t ever been intentional. Practice just made her so nervous. It was easy for her to become overwhelmed. So much was happening, and Farrah was one of the few people who knew what she was hiding under her façade. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust her sister not to tell, of course. Just that… 

The brunette didn’t know. 

(Just that Farrah was changing so fast, and Annleigh felt like she was trapped in an endless cycle with no way out. She didn’t want to grow up. She never had. On the other side, Farrah had been grown up the day she’d arrived on their front door. They were opposites in too many ways. Her sister clung to the future because she wanted to escape her past. Annleigh held onto her own because she was afraid of letting go and being overwhelmed by the present.) 

“I was ten and she was nine, I think.” The dressage rider spoke as she gathered all the blankets up and began draping them over everything she could reach. Her dresser. Her desk. The bean bags. Anything that could help make the walls of a fort. Behind her, Annleigh could feel Kate’s eyes on her. This was a stupid idea. “When she first came, I mean. But we weren’t… I mean, it took awhile for us to get close. And now, um.” She hesitated, pillow in hand. She was grateful her back was to Kate and that the room was still only semi-lit. It would be easier to hide how she was shaking this way. “We’re not, I guess.” She trailed off lamely. 

Kate kept quiet. She’d wandered over to where Annleigh had sunk down, amidst the blanket pile. The brunette wondered if the gymnast was going to say something rude, or just go back to bed. Either way would have been preferable for her just staring, blinking at the thrown-together fort. 

But then the other figure sat down. 

The two of them were avoiding direct contact. They’d been doing it all night, and Annleigh couldn’t stand it. She wasn’t good with hesitation. It made her stressed, made her brain feel like it was moving faster than the rest of the world. The junior wasn’t comfortable with loud sounds, but silence could be just as overwhelming. 

“Uhh…” Finally, Kate piped up. “So. Um. What do we do now?” 

“I didn’t really think.” Annleigh confessed, shrugging a little guilty. “I didn’t think that I’d get this far.” 

Across from her, the shorter girl snorted. It was nice, to be laughed with and not at. This was nice. It was stupid, but nice. Sometimes, the things that were the silliest brought you the most joy. And, if it made you happy, the cheerleader thought that just maybe… it might be worth doing. Life was short and it was scary and it was overwhelming, but she didn’t want that to be what defined her existence. There were lots of people out there with huge goals and big dreams, but Annleigh didn’t think that made her own any less valid, no matter what others might tell her. 

Confidence growing, the question left her before she could think it through. “Can I braid your hair?” 

In the semi-darkness, it was hard to make out Kate’s exact expression. Surprise, more than anything, probably. This was not a conversation they could have been having even a few hours earlier. Did things truly shift that fast? Were they supposed to? 

Annleigh didn’t know. 

“Sure, I guess?” Kate’s voice sounded perplexed but not snarky, like the equestrian had expected. She shifted positions so that her back was to the other junior’s, allowing her more access. “It’s, um, probably kind of messy, though. And it’s not as long as yours. So, I’m not sure how good it would be to braid…” 

The brunette moved closer, tossing her own curls behind her. “That’s okay. I don’t mind.” She hesitated reaching out to begin, wondering if this really was alright with the other person. “I won’t be upset if you wanted to say no, though. Um, just so you know…” 

She couldn’t see Kate’s face from her current angle, but there was chuckle the gymnast released. “It’s okay, I assumed it wasn’t something that was gonna get me sent to hell if I didn’t agree to it. But, it’s cool. I don’t mind. Chess braids my hair a lot, but I just take it out before practice most of the time.” 

Annleigh nodded. “Do you have a specific style you like?” 

“Wait, there’s different styles of braids?” Another shrug. “Uhh… none in particular, I guess?” 

The cheerleader nodded, before realizing Kate couldn’t see her from behind. “Okay. I’ll see what happens, then…!” 

For the next few minutes, neither of them said much. Annleigh tried her hardest not to pull on Kate’s hair as she tucked each strand into the braids. She had settled for two separate braids, one on each side, because that came the most naturally to her. Not that braiding in general didn’t. Years of Farrah begging to get her hair braided meant that she’d mastered many types and styles over a fairly short period of time, all things considered. Her sister’s hair was longer than Kate’s, though. 

Farrah… 

Should she wake her sister up? Include her? Annleigh didn’t like the thought of leaving her out. This had been their usual routine in childhood. Not having her here made the brunette feel sort of… empty. Farrah and Kate didn’t care for each other much, though. Alright, they didn’t care for each other at all. Annie had been trying so carefully to make sure she didn’t encroach on the junior’s boundaries this whole night. Inviting her sister into the mix might not have the same result. 

Would Farrah even want to be included anymore? It didn’t seem like she wanted anything to do with Annleigh, most of the time. The older girl knew that this was her fault, that she’d caused the rift, the resentment. She knew, but she didn’t know how to fix it. She didn’t know how to put the pieces back together. 

Sometimes, things just seemed too broken to repair. She was only one person and there were just so many things wrong. Annleigh was so constantly overwhelmed by the immensity of it all. How do you fix something when you aren’t even sure what it was supposed to look like unbroken? 

“Annleigh?” Someone was trying to get her attention. The brunette realized she’d been holding onto the end of Kate’s hair for a few moments after finishing the second braid. “You, uh, alright there?” 

“Sorry…!” She mumbled, quickly tying that braid with the hair tie around her wrist. “Just thinking, I guess. I used to braid Farrah’s hair all the time. It’s hard to learn on your own hair and she couldn’t do it for a while. I mean, now she can, of course. But it just made me think about that…” 

The cheerleader leaned back, making sure the two braids were even. “There! All done!” 

Kate reached a hand up and felt one of the braids, almost admiringly. “Wow… these are really complicated. Chess usually just does the basic ones, I think. Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome. Um, thanks for letting me. It was nice to practice on someone, again.” 

“No worries.” 

They settled into another silence, this one a little less uncomfortable than the last. Annleigh was still half-distracted by her sister’s absence. It felt wrong. It all felt wrong, and she knew what would make it feel right, but she couldn’t… she couldn’t get up the nerve to ask Farrah to come. It was silly, really, that asking Kate had been less terrifying than asking her own sister. But Farrah had always been the more grown-up of the two of them. Especially now. Annleigh couldn’t help but think that their relationship wouldn’t ever be as easy as it had been in the days of braids and pillow forts. Maybe she’d gone and ruined everything… 

The smaller girl waved a hand in front of her face. “Earth to Annleigh.”

“S-sorry.” The junior apologized again, wrapping her arms around her knees as she pulled them up to her chest. “I was just wondering if I should have gotten Farrah, you know. I mean, I know you two don’t get along great or anything but—”

Kate looked a little pained. “You can get her if you want. I don’t want to stand in front of the way of your guys’ relationship. I have siblings, so… I know how complicated it can be. I don’t mind if she’s here.” 

The brunette squinted, trying to figure out if the other junior had meant that or was just being polite. She decided to take her at her word. For one thing, her heart was set on trying to reach out to Farrah. For another, Kate was so rarely polite that Annleigh found it difficult to believe that she’d started now. 

“Okay. I’ll be back shortly, then.” Annleigh stood up and dusted herself off, even though the nest of blankets hadn’t left her exceptionally dirty. Kate made an affirmative noise, seeming content to stay in the makeshift fort. 

Hesitating, Annleigh approached the door to Farrah’s room. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d used the connected part. Honestly, she’d always been surprised her sister hadn’t taken to locking it. The brunette reached out a hand, grateful that the cover of semi-darkness kept her from seeing how badly she was shaking. This was stupid. This was a stupid idea. And in the end, maybe it was. 

But it was time to start putting things back together. 

  
  


**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

**Instagram Story Update:** **@prom_princess**

_10:45 P.M. on Friday, August 22nd._

[A close-up picture of Riley asleep.] 

Text Added: _when you have to go to bed at a reasonable hour because SOMEONE decided not to take care of herself_ 😔😔😔

**.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.**

Everything was going fine until Kate decided to look at one of the tiny statues on Annleigh’s desk. 

It was wrong, she knew, to look at other people’s belongings without permission. But this little knickknack didn’t appear as if it was incredibly personal. It was just a figure of a horse. It was poorly finished, from what she could tell, almost as if Annleigh had painted it herself. Kate’s fingers ran over the smooth finish without her really realizing it, trying to memorize the color and pattern if only to give herself something to do. She was terrified of accidentally overhearing any of the conversation in the next room. The walls seemed to be soundproof, but what if they started yelling? What if everyone started yelling again? 

And then the door opened. 

The glass slipped out of Kate’s hands and hit the carpet and it was fine, it was fine, it hadn’t broken but in another world, another life— 

_And it was breaking, oh God, ohGodohGod it wasbreaking and everything was loud, and she hadn’t meant it_ “Kate?” “ _please don’t yell, it was an accident it was an accident”_ “Kate, are you okay?” _please don’t yell, stopyelling at me stop yelling, “i’m sorry okay i’m sorry i’msorryi’msorryi’msorrysorrysorrysorry”_ She barely could choke out the words, trying hard not to lose her grip on reality. She could have broken it, she could have broken it, what if it was broken— 

“Annie, move.” Farrah, who must have entered behind her sister, quickly grabbed the figurine off the ground. Annleigh took her arm after a moment's hesitation, guiding her towards the bed. Kate stumbled forward, allowing the other girl to lead her to the bed without fuss. It felt like there was glass in her hands. She knew, knew there wasn’t. Knew that this time, the horse (which was probably porcelain and not glass) hadn’t shattered. But it didn’t stop the feeling that was there. She needed to get the glass out, needed to tear apart her skin if she had to, oh God, oh God— 

“Hey.” Farrah’s voice was clearer. Out of anyone in the world who could be, it was Farrah. Kate didn’t think she’d ever seen the sophomore look serious, much less concerned. “It’s alright, okay? Nothing happened. Nothing’s wrong, see. No one’s going to be upset. It was just a toy. No harm done.” 

Kate bit her lip, fought back the urge to scream that there had, had to be something wrong. It felt like there was. It felt like everything was off kilter. She couldn’t breathe. It didn’t feel like she was breathing. 

Sometimes, when things like this would happen, Chess would take her hands. She would sit there and hold them until the urge to break herself into pieces, to get the contamination of her skin. But that was there, then, with her. Chess was someone she could be soft around. Neither of these girls could be trusted. 

But God, God, God, if she didn’t get it out— 

Kate whimpered. It felt pathetic. It probably was, she thought. _In the end, isn’t that all you are?_ Why wouldn’t it just leave her alone. _Scared. Pathetic. You try so hard to act tough, but you’re nothing more than a scared child._ Get out, get out, get it. _Why bother to be brave now? They’re gonna know how weak you are eventually._

“Kate? Kate? Kate, what’s happening, I-” Annleigh’s voice was gentle, panicked, and that hurt the most. It hurt because Annleigh fucking O’Daniel thought the gymnast was scared, thought that Kate was someone she had to be gentle around. And she wasn’t scared. She wasn’t, alright, she wasn’t she wasn’t she wasn’t— 

“Annleigh, can you…” Farrah’s voice was more intense than she’d ever heard it. It almost sounded angry, if only because Kate didn’t know what was happening. “Can you just give us a minute? Please?” Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. Kate couldn’t catch her breath, and Annleigh was leaving, and oh God, _don’t leave me—_

_Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic._

The door closed softly, signaling to Kate that Annleigh must have given the two of them some privacy. How stupid was it that the junior almost wanted to run after her? She wanted someone she trusted. If she couldn’t have Chess (or hell, even Eva), then she wanted Annleigh. How things had changed in just a few hours. 

Next to her, Farrah hesitated. She was still standing, shifting her weight back and forth, as if trying to ensure how best to fix this. The junior pulled her knees up to her chest, gazing at the wall instead of making eye contact. 

“I’m not going to tell anyone about this.” Farrah suddenly spoke, her voice sounding uncomfortably quiet. Kate wanted the sarcasm back. Or even the forced positivity of freshman year Farrah. She wanted the younger girl to scream at her if that was what it took. Anything but this tense nothingness. It felt like the basement of her house, again, pressing and empty and confining all at the same time. “I’m not that awful, if that’s what you’re thinking.” 

_(I wasn’t thinking that. I don’t… I don’t know you. I don’t know you at all.)_

The girl continued. “I asked Annleigh to go away because I knew this would stress her out. I know— I know you probably don’t want to talk to me. I mean, fuck, I’d probably trust her more. But she gets overwhelmed really easily, and then I would have had both of you… I know that doesn’t help. I just wanted to say that I didn’t do it to, like, be a dick or something.” 

The junior wasn’t really thinking about much that she could verbalize. She wasn’t even sure if she was here, in this room, in this body. The part of her that felt like her wasn’t there, wasn’t answering, and all the girl could seem to do was tuck herself more tightly into herself. She tried to respond, but her voice felt lost and she didn’t think she trusted herself to speak, anyway. _Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic._ Kate curled herself more tightly into a ball, hating everything about everything. She wanted to disappear, wanted everything to go away, wanted to forget how weak everything made her feel. 

Next to her, Farrah watched hesitantly. “Hold on. I’m going to get something, okay?” The smaller girl exited through the door to her own bedroom. 

The next thing Kate knew, something soft was brushing her hand. Was that…? 

The junior startled herself enough to look up, finding herself face to face with a small dog. It was a fluffy little thing, soft and ginger colored. Farrah was holding it out to her like some kind of peace offering. 

“Here. You look like you’re more of a cat person, but Mr. Whiskers would probably claw my eyes out if I tried to pick him up. He’s never been much of a fan of me. Probably still mad about the stupid name Annie gave him.” She set the animal next to Kate on the bed. The pup didn’t seem all that deterred by her shaking breaths, more than content to sniff her flannel. Coming back into herself a bit, Kate extended a timid hand to the dog. The junior had never been around them, much. It leaned into her, fluffball of a tail wagging rapidly. 

“Plus, cats make me sneeze.” Farrah wrinkled her nose as she continued, sitting back down besides Kate and the dog. “But when you feel better, Annleigh could probably get him. If you want, I mean. I don’t want to, like, assume you were a cat person. It just felt like the right vibe.” 

The smaller girl was still curled into herself. Kate could feel the silent tears dripping down her face. This night was not going according to plan. 

Farrah didn’t seem bothered by the older girl’s lack of response, though. She was now kicking her legs a bit on the edge of the bed, looking at the wall again. Kate was grateful that she wasn’t forcing eye contact. “That’s Cider, by the way. Which is a much better name. Then again, I only got her last year and Annleigh named the cat when she was, like six, apparently. Not that I think it would be much better now. Did she tell you her horse’s name is Pegasus?” The sophomore snickered. “I mean, really. A little on the nose, right?” 

The dog, Cider, had seemed to have taken a liking to Kate. She had curled up contentedly on her lap, allowing the gymnast to stroke her soft fur. Did dogs usually warm up to you so fast? Honestly, the girl didn’t really know. They were different from her cat back home. Chess had two rabbits, but they weren’t very social with anyone except the senior. Honestly, now that she tried to consider it, Kate wasn’t sure she knew anyone with a dog particularly well. Then again, it wasn’t as if she knew many people. 

Farrah had shifted to watch Cider, pulling her legs onto the bed to sit cross-legged. “Interesting.” She tilted her head. Without her normally cross expression and eye liner, she looked much softer. It was strange, really, to see how little it took to send them back to that time. Kate had always thought that Farrah had changed so much in such a short amount of time. It had been uncanny. 

Now, the gymnast wondered which act was real. Or maybe they were both false, portraits of herself Farrah wanted people to see, but neither was the real her. 

“I think she’s trying to do her job. Trying to make you stay put, I mean.” Farrah nodded at Cider, a hint of a smile around her face. “I’m not sure she gets what’s wrong, but it’s a valiant attempt. My step-mom bought her for me last year. She’s trained to help me with my seizures.” 

Kate frowned, trying to take in all the information. The dog’s breathing was comforting, warm against her lap. The junior stroked her soft fur as she tried to process everything that had been said. Finally, she found enough of her voice to respond. “I didn’t know…” 

Farrah let out an empty chuckle, apparently not taking offense like Kate had been worried about. “I would have been creeped out if you had. It’s not exactly a fun fact I whip out at parties or anything. I mean, I guess Riley probably knows. It’s on my freshman audition sheet from last year and I assume she got all those from what’s-her-name last year. For safety purposes or whatever.” She trailed off momentarily. “I don’t care if people know, really. I’d just rather people find out because they want to know more about me than because they see Cider with a vest on or something and think ‘oh, there must be a problem there’. 'Cause I'm really getting sick of that look, you know? It was a nice thought of my step-mother, but not one she actually bothered to discuss with me. And… I don’t know.”

Kate wasn’t sure if Farrah would continue, or even why she was telling her this. They weren’t friends. They had never been friends, even before the accident. Yet, here she was, sharing something personal with the junior. Was it just to make her feel better? Or was it because the younger girl could tell that there was a part of them that shared the same experience, felt the same pressure to constantly be what others expected of you. 

“I wanted a dog as long as I could remember. When I was little, I used to beg my mom and dad for one every Christmas. I’m sure it was really annoying, honestly. But Mom was always,” Farrah winced. “Occupied. And she didn’t like animals. When she left us… well. There was a part of me that thought maybe now I could have one. Kind of fucked up, right? I didn’t really understand that she wasn’t coming back, at first… and when I did, I couldn’t process it. I was obsessed with dogs, with trying to convince my father to let me get one. It was the only way I could think of finding something that wouldn’t leave me.” 

There was a pause. Kate was staring at Farrah with a mixture of confusion and sadness. Not pity, though. The gymnast never looked at anyone with pity. She’d been looked at with that emotion enough to understand how little it did to help. 

She continued after a moment’s hesitation. “When my dad married Annleigh’s mom, I stopped asking for a bit. I stopped doing everything. I would have attacks like that,” She gestured at the desk where the horse figure was, “Almost every day. I was terrified of messing things up. You know how Annleigh is. She always has to be perfect, even when she’s not. It took me months to understand that was an act, too. Once I did, I wasn’t quite as scared anymore…” Another pause. 

“I asked for a dog again when I felt more comfortable, and I’m sure I bothered my step-mom just as much as I had my real one. She was nicer about it than Mom had been, though. She’s not really a dog person, but she tried to understand my interest in them. I’d get books about the different breeds and shit and read them at the dinner table. But they never actually thought about getting me one until my parents talked about how it might help with my epilepsy. Once they thought about that, then it was like… ‘Oh! Of course, you can get a dog’, you know?” 

The girl sighed, staring at her hands. It was the most contemplative Kate could remember ever having seen her. “... the O’Daniels are people who love to help, but they don’t always wait to understand the best way to go about it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful. I love Cider. But there’s a part of me that doesn’t want my relationship with my family to be about another goddamn thing about me that they think is wrong with me, you know?” Farrah made a face. “Or whatever they say when they think I’m not listening.” 

She reached out to stroke Cider’s fur, absentmindedly closing some of the space between herself and the junior. “I wish that I’d gotten a dog just because I wanted it, you know? I wish that what I wanted mattered to them before it was something that might help 'fix things' or whatever. I know it’s selfish and ungrateful, probably. In the end, I got what I wanted. But there’s a part of me that knows it was just because they were trying to solve something they see as a problem. And even if it might fix help or if it is a problem or whatever… why wasn’t what I wanted worth something until it might be useful... Does that make any sense? Honestly, I've never been sure. Maybe I'm just an asshole...” She laughed, bitterly. 

The junior was listening as the sophomore explained her thoughts with uncomfortable similarity to Kate’s own. It was something she was only too aware of in her own house, her own life. The junior didn’t like it, didn’t like that Farrah knew what that felt like. She wouldn’t have wished her experience on her worst enemy. 

Was the sophomore her worst enemy?

Certainly, it had seemed like that a few hours ago. Kate had always been uncomfortable with Annleigh, unsure of ground they both stood on. Her dislike of Farrah had been more personal. It had been instant from the moment she’d laid eyes on the freshman. Kate had always assumed that was hatred. 

... but now she realized that she'd mainly just been jealous. Jealous the team liked Farrah more. Jealous that Chess liked her, too. Jealous that Farrah was such a fan of her best friend’s, because no one ever looked at Kate like that. Like she could be worth something to someone. 

(Kate had been used to being worthless. She hadn’t needed Farrah to remind her just how much less than Chess she was.) 

And now... Kate didn’t think she felt so envious of the other girl, watching her stare at her knees now. Farrah looked small, smaller than she’d seemed before. Not even in a sad way. The sophomore had been more reflective than anything else. It was more that Kate had never really looked at Farrah as who she was, and not just as what Kate wanted to dislike about her. The two of them weren’t friends. They might never be, and that was alright. You didn’t always have to be friends with someone. And… Kate thought as Cider shifted, moving till she was on her owner’s lap, you shouldn’t have to be friends with someone for there to be respect that existed between you and them.

“Why are you telling me this?” The junior whispered, unsure if she was supposed to break the silence. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to respond at all and they were both supposed to let this moment pass. To shove it away and pretend there weren’t sides to each other that they didn’t show. “We aren’t- I mean. You don’t even like me.” 

(She left out the part about her not liking Farrah, either. It was easier to be defensive than to admit your own mistakes.) 

Farrah stared at her, her dark eyes unreadable. Kate felt strangely visible, as if the other girl could somehow read her in a way no one else had seemed to before. She didn’t know whether this was a good thing or not. “Because I thought you’d get it, I guess.” The sophomore shrugged. “Because sometimes it seems like there’s a part of me that gets a little bit more erased every time I don’t tell someone. Because… I don’t know. Because until now, we were basically strangers and there was something sort of comforting in the fact I didn’t know you. And it felt wrong to have watched what happened and not share something back. I wanted to stay on the same page.” 

Silence. Just silence. Kate didn’t want to respond. She was afraid of saying the wrong thing, but terrified of saying the right thing. She had been content in the rut the two of them had fallen into, bitterness and anger and jealousy. Leaving that, even just in the smallest way, might throw her world off kilter. 

If there was no one to be angry at, could she justify her anger? In the end, Kate had always been afraid of letting go of things that made her mad. It was comfortable, clinging to rage. If she wasn’t angry, she wouldn’t know who she was anymore. 

(She was afraid that without anger, she’d be nothing at all.) 

“We’re not friends.” Farrah admitted to the room, not looking at Kate. “But I don’t have to be your friend to want you to be okay, I guess. I think that we should just… want that, you know? For other people. We should care about them even if we aren’t close or something. So, yeah… we’re not friends, but I guess I wouldn’t want you to die or whatever.” The sophomore joked, shooting Kate a wry smile. “Does that work with you?” 

“Yeah…” Kate gave her a small smile back in response. “I think that'll work.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... this chapter was 35 pages on my word doc... I .... am so sorry,,, 
> 
> Anyway, hello~! I hope everyone's been doing okay! Personally, I have been getting serotonin from the WATT reunion which was very cool and I enjoyed greatly! Also, I saw this fic mentioned a couple times in the chat and I was so flattered!! You guys are absolutely the sweetest and the amount of love you've shown for this fic stuns me... so thank you all so, so much!! 
> 
> We're getting into healing! Hooray! Farrah and Kate's part is so important to me because they have so many parallels. There's of course a lot of parallels between Farrah and Chess drawn in the show, but I think Farrah and Kate also have a lot of similarities that I wanted to expand upon. Also, at least 70% of this is me projecting my experiences on Farrah and some of the other characters akajskjadk so I am sorry in advance (after the fact?). Either way, I really hope you enjoyed this update! Next chapter will finally, finally not have a breakdown in it. It's going to be Eva and Mattie friendship moments and Clark and Chess also vibing in friendship so I'm excited! I might have another scene too, but I promise this will get more light-hearted. I PROMISE....
> 
> Thanks again for reading this!! As always, make sure to be kind to yourself, drink some water, and get some rest if you can! You deserve good things! ^^
> 
> ~ Paige <3
> 
> (I changed my tumblr url!! I'm now @alltheworldsapaige if you'd like to come hang out and talk about WATT, or my latest musical theater obsession which is Seeds: An Animated Musical. Anyway!! Love ya all!)


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